To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

That's really selfish of him. I'd be upset about the lack of care and consideration.

He is awful and if he is like this when you are pregnant, he will only get worse.

It’s not about the cake. It’s the whole thing. I’m sorry you’re not being supported - you should be x

Leave him. Honestly. Or your life will be 100 times worse once the baby arrives.

Leave. It gets worse from here. Sorry if this seems blunt and harsh but the weaponised incompetence will get worse. Lazy selfish fucker he is.

It sounds like the cake has made you realise that actually he has not been caring for or prioritising you. Someone who has to ‘come around’ to the idea of kids might not be ready for the reality or how much he is going to need to step up. You need to address this soon as I fear this is only going to get worse….

Do not have a baby with this awful man child. Go solo if you want this baby it will be easier in the long run. He's workshy, selfish and lazy.

He’s not going to make a good partner to parent with. I’d be planning to
move on

He’s an immature selfish prick and it won’t get any better once your baby is born. He’ll make every excuse under the sun as to why changing bellies is too hard and he’s too tired to do night feeds

YABU to leave him about chocolate cake but YANBU to leave him for generally selfish, entitled and generally twattish behaviour.

If you continue the pregnancy and end things with him, be aware that you have a future of shared parenting ahead of you.

My ex did shit like this. As soon as I became busy/unwell/overwhelmed he’d become extra helpless.

Leave. He won’t get any better.

Don't ignore this...
This is the good bit, it all gets much harder/worse.

Another one warning you it will get worse once the baby is here. Really important to consider your options now (could you solo parent if needed, but remember through the child he will always be part of your life. If not, would you consider termination)

He is showing you who he really is. And it’s not good op. Give serious consideration to leaving because this won’t get better, you’ll be left doing everything to do with the baby, mark my words, sorry.

This will only get worse.

He’s eaten a whole slice of Bruce? Those things are freaking massive. I had to put 2/3rds of mine in the freezer and I’m no massive salad/mumsnet chicken type.

100% YANBU.

At seven weeks you still have choices OP. At a minimum, dump his cold ass. And consider whether this is the right time to become a solo parent x

If you are 7 weeks then you’ve got a long pregnancy ahead of you with this selfish arse.
In fact pregnancy aside he’s being a twat.

You are barely half way through the first trimester and everything’s gone to shit already. Time to end the relationship OP, this one is a waste of time

He's being a total knob. Lots of people feel awful in the first trimester and, maybe I'm reading into it, but it sounds as if he almost resents you for needing a bit of TLC?

Weaponising incompetence is childish. So is weaponising your hormones. A normal person might very well think you were hormonal at 7 weeks pregnant ... and that would be a cue to them to think 'poor her, she's pregnant and hormonal' not to use it as an excuse to dismiss you.

This is not going to get better.

I would really, really seriously consider whether you want to be tied to this man for the next 18+ years.

Are you sure you want to tie yourself to this man for years? Even if you left youd have a baby and him to deal with?

At 7 weeks I would reconsider the pregnancy for a clean break.

This isn’t about the cake. This is about you seeing a man for what he really is - a layabout who fully intends to slack off and make you do all the heavy lifting in this relationship.

It comes from direct experience when I say this will only get much worse with a baby in the mix. It is easier either not having a child or going it alone as a single mother with this sort of man.

Cake aside he sounds horrendous - I would be seriously considering whether I wanted a child with someone like this if I’m perfectly honest.
You’ll just end up with 2 kids - I’d get rid and do it on your own! He’s an absolute liability from the sounds of it!!

He sounds awful! Completely selfish and uncaring