To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

This looks like deliberate nastiness. Really worrying with the pregnancy. You need some support in deciding what to do.

Three years you have wasted on this loser. You are basically his mammy now.

There was a viral trend about men eating women’s food

https://www.buzzfeed.com/sienaegiljum/men-weaponize-food-stories

Yanbu to expect him not to touch your fucking food.

This won't get any better. He is lazy and will still be lazy if you stay together.

I don't know how far along you are, but it sounds like you will be a solo parent to two people in your household. if you continue with the pregnancy and stay with this manchild.

Do you want to be a single parent or do you still have options?

GURL

Him eating that all was the ICING ON THE CAke, pun very much intended.

This guy is a total douche bag and doesn’t deserve you in the slightest.

This Makes me so sad. You poor thing, Op. you deserve much better. I hope you will get it.

So he's only working 20 hours a week and doing nothing around the house.

You are pregnant, working 45 hours a week and doing all the cooking and he deliberately ate all the cake that you had bought to relieve your pregnancy cravings.

He is a toxic wanker and I'd reconsider having a baby with him. If you want keep the baby, you would probably be better off as a single parent as he is equally selfish and useless.

What a selfish asshole. I would be making him drive to said shop tomorrow and buy a replacement cake. He’s pretty much part time so he has plenty of time on his hands.

He ate it because you didn't cook for him?

That's not on. It's not too late for you to dump him and make alternative arrangements.

Well it's not going to get better.

The MN consensus that poor OP should terminate both her relationship and her pregnancy seems a bit drastic to me. Yes, it was thoughtless of him, and he should do better, but you should probably cut both him and yourself some slack in the circumstances. If you do take the MN advice, I'd recommend, next time you are about to start a family, having a bit of a clearer idea that both prospective parents want and are ready for it, and committed to the long-term obligations that go with it.

Are you sure you want to continue with this pregnancy because this is going to be the father of your child and he hasn’t shown one slightest bit of care

Well, the relationship may have been ‘fine’, but it isn’t now and probably will get a lot worse when the baby arrives. Sounds like you’re in for a life of drudgery with this loser, or you’re going to be a single parent.

You need to have a serious talk with this lazy arse - but please do not put up with it.

It sounds like you’re going to be doing everything once the baby arrives, so why not start as you mean to go on. Otherwise it’ll be like looking after two kids; a baby and a man-child.

This is only going to get worse. My exdp was shocked when I showed him the pregnancy test. We were trying but didn't think the first time we had sex I'd catch!

He took me out to buy vitamins that afternoon, and cooked for mE when I asked (which wasn't often as I enjoy cooking), done all the washing and ironing, done all the hoovering and all the washing up. And he carried on doing those things until he moved out.

You're with a man who showing his true colours and it is only going to go down hill from here. He's shown you that he doesn't prioritise you and neither will be the baby. I'd be seriously considering the relationship. Sorry.

Fuck that id be getting an abortion and leaving him. He will expect you to mother him for the rest of your life.

It’s never just food.

When someone shows you their true self, believe it!
This is not going to improve, it will only get worse from here on in. You need to leave. I don't really know how to phrase this without sounding cold, but you also need to consider the future of your pregnancy. A baby will tie you to this selfish, red flag waving man-child for at least 18 years (regardless of whether you stay in the relationship, or not).

Sadly, there are far too many threads on mumsnet similar to this one. I think there should be a banner at the top of mumsnet telling women not to have babies with lazy incompetent men.

That really is so nasty of him. He is Pathetic

You need, you MUST, end this relationship

There are bigger issues than the cake itself.
You are working long hours, he is at home, yet cannot cook for you both, or even do something simple I presume like beans on toast if he can't be arsed with a proper dinner hence why he didn't eat last night.
The breakfast comment is really pathetic...my children can get themselves cereal or pop a waffle in the toaster to feed themselves. Why is he waiting for you to feed him?
Do you really want a child with this man? He will do absolutely nothing, and create work. You will be better off without him.

Ignoring the cake i'd be looking to end it.

What you describe arent minor squabble they are fundamental problems

He cant cook a basic meal for 2 working 20hrs a week? Can't manage an omlette, pasta and sauce, beans on toast???

Just no.
My dh was doing 50 hr weeks and making nutritious meals for brealfast lunch and dinner. He would make my lunch every day as I would sleep 12-12.55 and then eat what he made 12.55-1 and go back to work (i worked from home)

I couldn't be with a man like that and honestly i wouldn't want a child as it would mean I was tied to his useless fucking arse for 18yrs plus

OP it would seem he does not want the baby - you say he was ''terrified'' when you told him. He wants to carry on as before. Time to rethink everything asap.

At 7 weeks pregnant, you will have been suffering symptoms for only a couple of weeks and he’s this crap already? It will be a million times worse when the baby is here.

I’m going to ask though. How were you unexpectedly pregnant with a bloke who didn’t really want children? If he said he didn’t want kids, you told him contraception was sorted and then had an ‘accident’ you can’t really be surprised if he hasn’t stepped up. Not saying it happened like this but it’s made me think.

Run fast

Run far