To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

And yet the OP had so much to offer.

Pregnancy

Chocolate cake

Lazy partner who thinks it's a woman's job to cook his dinner and breakfast.

It's produced more froth than a rabid dog, which I expect was the purpose of it.

I'm sorry but you really don't need to be looking after 2 babies.

Minor point and I may have missed it but which viral cake is it? I love a viral cake and would have thrown him out over this but that's just me 😀

This has to be click bait?

Don’t know if anyone has mentioned that at 7 weeks a termination is still an option (of the pregnancy rather than him). You may not want to go down that route of course. It’s just an option.

The reason I mention it is that I can think of nothing worse than co-parenting with a loser who eats a whole cake because nobody made him dinner, while knowing the child shares the same genetics. Harsh but absolutely true.

He is not going to make a good partner.

yes fine eat some cake but not all of it, if he shot out and replaced it (yes including 2 trains), that would be ok instead he is throwing insults.

leave him.

You need to be more than annoyed he needs to go, seriously i would sort this now before baby arrives..hes a selfish man child pig...seriously hes a vile human being

Other men do p*ss me off frequently: put your apron on, get to work.

I’m so sorry, I’m not sure what you want from this post… Leave now. I’m not sure on your situation but this is and sounds like it has been a red flag! I get that you put up with it for so long but your little one doesn’t deserve that. Iv been there and could have had a child with a previous partner who sounds like this thank god my life took a diffrent turn. It’s true it will only get worse then depending on work likely hood is he will be redundant if it carts on the he will be at home “wanting to be a stay at home dad” or “can’t find a job I want” it sounds like it’s you yourself and I. GET OUT NOW. You know you don’t want this forever it’s not hormones it’s a sign that he doesn’t respect or consider you. Why would you want that for your future. Check out now. Decide what you want from life and see if you can get your ducks in a row and start afresh what ever that means for you. But may this live NEVER find my daughter, I’d rather her alone than have the bare minimum.

He's telling you he doesn't want this baby. He is making things miserable deliberately.
My husbnds no cook but is more than capable of feeding himself (and me) when I was too sick to cook or had me evening crying spells

Just reread and noticed you say you’ve been with this man 3 years. How long exactly have you been making all his meals?? Also, this behaviour is him telling you who he is, people always say when someone shows you who they are early on, believe them, it’s the tip of the iceberg. Maybe he simply doesn’t want the baby, it would make sense if he’s been nice up until then. If you simply didn’t notice he was not really treating you well on reflection, watch out, it will get worse. Maybe he’s just one of those men who wants a woman to take care of him and do all his cooking and washing and all the cleaning?? Women please don’t put you’re men on pedestals, do all this for them, even if you feel like doing it, it will just come back to bite you as you’ll be treated and seen as a skivvy!!

This is horrible behaviour. Why couldn’t he make dinner or breakfast himself? Surely your special cake wasn’t the only available snack in the house? How is he going to care for a child if he can’t take care of his own basic needs?

In early pregnancy my DH picked up the slack without me asking, doing extra cooking and housework because I was too tired/nauseous to do much. He should be taking pity on you and trying to make things easier for you!

I do wonder if you’re right…

Where did you get she’s put up with it for so long. She said she’s 7 weeks pregnant and he’s apparently been fine up until before this.

Congrats on your second child, your first sounds like a selfish prick……..

You're pregnant and when the baby is born you'll have two children.

Sad to say that is what most women find. Men are simply so entitled.

It amazes me how many people shack up with shitty partners.

Wow, he sounds awful! What an ignorant, rude, lazy, selfish manchild.
Lots of red flags there from the sounds of it and he's gaslighting you to boot.
When I was in my first trimester I was so tired I could barely function. My partner took over cooking all meals. Prepped me food for work the next day and he's always good at housework, but he even did extra so I could essentially go to bed when I got home from work. That's what a supportive partner does.
Unfortunately I think he's showing you his true colours. Also, something to be wary of, statistically pregnancy is a time when alot of domestic abuse can start - vile but sadly true.
Look after yourself. Confide in some close friends or family for support.

He is being selfish and inconsiderate. But it does make you wonder what he will be like when the baby is here.
But where as several people have said leave him, I think that would be really hard to do at this stage. I also think you need to wait to see what he is like when the baby is here so at least give him a chance.
I think you really need to sit down with him and address your concerns and his lack of help and try say how you feel.
Bear in mind though that you can be slightly irrational about things as you are exhausted and hormonal. I remember years ago my older neighbour got a rescue dog and went out early every day to do her cleaning job for a couple of hours and the dog was crying for her. I was also hysterical and crying a lot as I was shattered and couldn't cope with the noise. (I dont think your points made are irrational im just saying its a thing!)

He's the type of man who will eat your toast after you give birth. Leave now. Only you can decide whether continuing the pregnancy is right for you.

Hes a twat. Sorry OP. I would lose all respect for him for the weaponised incompetence. If ai was early in the pregnancy I would honestly consider not continuing and cut my losses in the relationship.

I’d leave and have a termination.
He will not change and it will get worse from here.
You can’t raise a baby in such a toxic and damaging environment, it impacts brain development and they will be impacted for the rest of their life.

This. When you go for your post birth shower, he’ll get in the bed and you’ll have to beg for it back because he’ll be “more tired” than you.

I would really not have a child with a man like this. Sooner or later you will leave him but your life will be very stressful before you get there.

plenty of women on here are with men like this but their selfishness wasn’t apparent before children came along. Learn from them. Your partner has gifted you this knowledge. Don’t get trapped.

Thank goodness he’s shown his true colours before you’re stuck with him. Honestly, I think get rid of him. Awful bloke @AreliabfMite

He is going to up the weaponised incompetence when it comes to the baby because it is a tactic that works well for him. He will probably also take up some hobby which of course he can only do when you are there to look after the baby so you will eventually be working, parenting and running the home single handedly. You might as well set yourself up as a single parent from the start, it will be far less stressful.

I don't think the OP is going to come back dudes.

Just plain nasty and he won’t change