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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

665 replies

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 12/01/2026 20:55

Don't stay with this man. Don't. Run far far away from him. He's screaming who he is and what you can expect from him. Listen. Oh I am so sorry you're in this position.

Foxybingo32 · 12/01/2026 21:22

Nah. Leave. Once baby comes he will be much worse and you will resent him for not lifting afinger

Alltheyellowbirds · 12/01/2026 21:27

He was hungry because YOU didn’t cook him dinner and YOU didn’t make him breakfast? Is he four? What grown adult can’t grab himself a bite to eat for tea when his wife is sick in bed? And can’t get his own BREAKFAST? FFS.

Movingonup313 · 12/01/2026 21:33

Another one saying it will only get worse. He should be bursting a gut to care for you. He is showing his true colours. This is very subtle abuse - he is setting out the map for the future...... not stepping up and blaming you for all his shit.

Im sorry. This is difficult. As someone else said, its early enough for decisions tp be made.

He ate the cake becaus he is selfish and greedy and was punishing you. He could have had a bit or a quarter or half. He would have thought of you and thought f*ck her. And when you quite rightly ask about it, you are blamed.

He could share parenting - he wont. He could support you when you are ill and have a baby/toddler to look after. He wont. He could do a fair or equal share of planning/shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry/admin - he wont. He is showing he wont do that now, even when on reduced hours and you are growing a human.

Another way to look at it - what positive things has he done for you and baby?

All the best to you. Take care.

Granddama · 12/01/2026 21:49

Try Marriage counselling. It's a hard road alone and every child deserves to be bought up in an atmosphere of love. It sounds like he resents you working and probably feels guilty for not working whilst you are. Money isn't the issue here, it's male pride. It does sound as if you need to point out a few home truths and tell him exactly how you feel about his attitude. Remind him that you're in an equal partnership. Alternatively you could go on strike!!!! Feed yourself [and the baby] at work. Leave his washing as he folds it and do your own. He might just realise just how much you do for him. Whatever you do, don't leave him, the last thing you need is the upheaval of finding somewhere to live at this point in your pregnancy.

TheFunDog · 12/01/2026 21:59

So sorry Op..... you deserve better.

Why do so many women...( or is it just on MN?... think it's OK to put up with these men who are useless and selfish??

I've had a few relationships and every one of them have been kind and supportive and proper gentlemen... have I just been lucky???

Cornishclio · 12/01/2026 22:06

Tell him you are not his slave and why couldn't he cook dinner and breakfast?? WTF. Stop running round after him. If my DH had done this (he would not have) I would have asked if he had lost the use of his legs being so lazy and selfish. I am sorry to say it but if he is this bad before the baby is born he will be worse afterwards.

MartySupremeisascream · 12/01/2026 22:10

He should be pampering you not eating your favourite cake all on his own.
He's utterly selfish and I honestly don't think men like this have any desire to change.

You need to decide whether or not you want to go ahead with the pregnancy while it's still early days.

This guy is not a partner - you're his friend with benefits, cook, cleaner and most important of all, his new mammy.

Ditch him and move on.

Joloman74 · 12/01/2026 22:32

Get out now why you can ! You might feel vulnerable and needy because you are pregnant and feel like you need him in your life. Seriously you dont! Please believe me, i had children with somebody like this and it was the biggest mistake of my life! Everything just got worse and worse especially when the baby came along. If you really want this baby, do it on your own.You can do it and you will manage and you will be so much happier. I would seriously think about it though, do you want a baby with a man like this? You have options at the moment and think about what you really want in life. Do not settle just because of the situation. You deserve so much more than this waste of space.

Mullaghanish · 12/01/2026 22:41

Get help. If you want to stay in relationship with a fella who won’t do much.. use his money to pay for help.. so a cleaner and hello fresh?

Cherrytree86 · 12/01/2026 22:43

Granddama · 12/01/2026 21:49

Try Marriage counselling. It's a hard road alone and every child deserves to be bought up in an atmosphere of love. It sounds like he resents you working and probably feels guilty for not working whilst you are. Money isn't the issue here, it's male pride. It does sound as if you need to point out a few home truths and tell him exactly how you feel about his attitude. Remind him that you're in an equal partnership. Alternatively you could go on strike!!!! Feed yourself [and the baby] at work. Leave his washing as he folds it and do your own. He might just realise just how much you do for him. Whatever you do, don't leave him, the last thing you need is the upheaval of finding somewhere to live at this point in your pregnancy.

@Granddama

such bad advice.

what do you mean “at this point in her pregnancy”. Now is the easiest time for her to end things (including the pregnancy if she so wishes)

Foreverautumnagain · 12/01/2026 22:50

So very sorry it has taken the pregnancy for you to see what type of person he really is deep down. No-one deserves such a knobhead for a father. Don't do it to your child.

veryannoyedtbh · 12/01/2026 22:51

She’s never come back. It’s another long AI scam post. So many long posts on here now with an Op who never comes back. Ruining this site.

Midgetgemsplease · 12/01/2026 23:02

veryannoyedtbh · 12/01/2026 22:51

She’s never come back. It’s another long AI scam post. So many long posts on here now with an Op who never comes back. Ruining this site.

Oh wow is that what's happening? I thought it was weird how some posters never come back.

Voneska · 12/01/2026 23:13

I've got a great solution.
You obviously dont want to be ' Cooking ' now as it ' s too tiring. MY suggestion is : go to the store and stock up on Salad items; put it all in the Fridge with plenty of Cold Meats and Salad dressings. Then he can help himself to this when he's hungry and you can have a sabbatical rest for a few days. Keep these items always in the fridge for him , for when he's hungry; then that let's everyone relax abd not worry about meal prep .

Zerosleep · 12/01/2026 23:14

I’m sorry OP but you need to leave now, this is only going to get worse. That isn’t the behaviour of someone who loves and respects you. Same patterns as my ex husband. Very selfish and trust me it will be you doing all childcare and everything.

Ghht · 12/01/2026 23:52

RUN.

eastegg · 12/01/2026 23:59

Voneska · 12/01/2026 23:13

I've got a great solution.
You obviously dont want to be ' Cooking ' now as it ' s too tiring. MY suggestion is : go to the store and stock up on Salad items; put it all in the Fridge with plenty of Cold Meats and Salad dressings. Then he can help himself to this when he's hungry and you can have a sabbatical rest for a few days. Keep these items always in the fridge for him , for when he's hungry; then that let's everyone relax abd not worry about meal prep .

Ah I get it. Scam post attracting joke replies. Nice one 😂

EdithBond · 13/01/2026 00:02

YANBU.

Sometimes when in a cohabiting couple it helps to view it through the lens of sharers. How would you feel if a flatmate:

  • Ate a huge cake of yours, that they know you’ve craved for a while, in its entirety without asking if it’s OK or profusely apologising afterwards?
  • When you discover what they did and are naturally upset, double-down say it’s because they were hungry because you hadn’t made their dinner or breakfast?
  • Then suggested you’re only upset because you’re hormonal?

But he’s not any old flatmate, he’s the man whose child you’re carrying. And you didn’t eat the cake straight away as you felt unwell due to the pregnancy. If he wasn’t sure about having a child, why didn’t he use contraception?

He doesn’t appear to have any respect or love for you. I wouldn’t make him another meal. Adults should be able and willing to cook for themselves, as you say he did before you lived together. Just make your own.

IMHO you shouldn’t rely on him to coparent or to be an equitable partner.

How he folds his laundry is up to him.

Netcurtainnelly · 13/01/2026 00:14

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

What a prince you landed there not.

Wont help his pregnant partner and then eats all her cake without discussing it.

How bloody greedy.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/01/2026 00:14

Sorry you are going through this OP
I think the difficult to obtain and much longed for cake situation has opened your eyes to the fact that its just the tip of the iceberg, and you are now recognising the huge inequality in your domestic arrangements.

I agree with the pp who say that he did this deliberately as an easy way to punish you for ... who knows what resentment he was brewing. Its not the cake, its the utter lack of remorse or care. He's treating you like servant.

He turned it all back on you - a textbook case of gaslighting. A kind and loving partner doesn't talk to you in a "malicious" tone when they've upset you.

  • to shut you up he starts blaming YOU for the fact that you are upset
  • He calls you "hormonal" as an insult, and its likely he will keep using this phrase to belittle you. It's not real feelings, its just "hormones" so he can dismiss them, Implying that you're upset is totally out of proportion because your hormones
  • "you need to get over yourself" - ie shut up and don't dare make a fuss like this again. If you do you can expect a similar tirade.
  • It's ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY - you deprived him of food by not being on hand to cook for him and you didn't make his breakfast in the morning so he had no other option but to eat your entire cake.

Think back over his past behaviour too and decide if this is a brand new thing or if there has always been an undercurrent of this. For eg... his excuse for never cooking.
He isn't a good partner, and this does not bode well for his chances of becoming a good father.

Bringing up kids together requires having a reliable, considerate person who works with you as part of a team where you share the tasks and each pick each other up when one's ill or struggling or exhausted. From your description of him. He is not demonstrating any of those qualities. He comes across as a man who only cares about his own comfort and wishes. You can't carry a partner and a baby.

casualbrowser · 13/01/2026 00:26

Surely you knew he was lazy, disrespectful and gave few fucks about your happiness before you got yourself knocked up by him?

You should have an abortion and leave him. I am absolutely serious. And before anyone squeals "oVeR a CaKe?!!!!!" No, over him being a deliberate, lazy, disrespectful shit.

If you won't, you will be permanently tied to a shitty man child, one way or another. Things will be getting worse from now on.

Fearnotsunshine · 13/01/2026 01:54

He sounds like a 5 year old

HomeTheatreSystem · 13/01/2026 02:00

You're worried about cake when this man doesn't want a baby, doesn't want to be a father and is a shit partner to you? Play hard ball with him now or live to regret it.

Hufflemuff · 13/01/2026 03:09

I think you need a bit of a reality check on the pregnancy excuses... you're 7 bloody weeks - not 37 weeks.

Do you want to actually live with the reality of being a single parent OP? The financial hardship, the lonely evenings, the struggle for sleep, struggle to run a house, parent and work etc...

The women on here are of course happy to jump to a chorus of "leave the bastard" but if you actually love him - is it not worth actually having a constructive conversation with him? Sometimes men are a bit of a turd you have to polish and it sounds like you indulged him a bit with the cooking and cleaning.