To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

You have a rubbish inconsiderate shit of a partner who I stead of supporting and cherishing you when you are pregnant is making your life hard and miserable. He should have fetched you the bloody cake not ate it all himself after you to get it yourself. He will be a crap parent. He'll never put you or baby first. Stop cooking for him. Tell him to step up or step away and you'll bring baby up alone.

Dont be so ridiculous! This is the most ludicrous response ive ever heard! He is a grown manand can sort himself out! You seriously do women a dis service with this response!

This is the best advice ~ please listen

Get rid of him hes going to be an absolute arse wipe drag you down and ruin your life and ruin your pregnancy do whats best for you and baby now while you can

It’s only going to get worse after you have the baby and he “feels neglected”. You already have a baby don’t you? He certainly behaves like one. The cake is a symbol of all his selfishness and lack of care. Personally I would end it now and get some real support lined up for the birth.

At only 7 weeks I would also be seriously considering whether to end the pregnancy too - otherwise you will have to deal with him as a no doubt rubbish Co-parent for the next 18 years at least and in fact forever while supporting your child’s feelings about his failings.

Is he trying to manipulate you into terminating OP? That is what it sounds like to me. He is clearly unable to put your needs on par with his, let alone in front of his. It screams red flags and I would talk to him directly about that and say you can't remain in a relationship like this. You aren't leaving over cake, you are leaving as your partner is selfish and treats you like a mother not his other half.

It's not about the cake. If id not communicated the cake was for me, id not blow things up over it.

But his reluctance to manage basic household tasks when he is working 20+ hours fewer than you is the real crime here. He needs a good talking to or you'll end up doing 99% of the baby and household in nine months time

Another fake post wasting everyone's time who's taken their time to give genuine advice and support.

Yes I rarely enjoy jumping on the bandwagon, but I really am going to in this case.

He sounds like the kind of person who fuels statements like 'lots of men start affairs when their partners become pregnant'. I always found it hard to believe, but if we struck out everything after 'men' and replaced it with 'are narcissistic, needy dicks', I think it would sum up what we have here.

Really? Do you think?

Yes, 25 pages and not one response from OP.

What do people get out of doing this? I really really don’t see the point, Is it a power kick from seeing all these strangers take time out of their day to try to help them? Are they watching and laughing to themselves and saying “ha you suckers, I fooled you!”?

it’s just a bit pathetic.

I think this is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

what will he do when you are juggling a crying baby and he won’t prep a meal for you both.

he is literally doing all he can to make you leave. He can then say that you dumped him and he doesn’t know why.

try and have a calm discussion about how you aren’t his mommy or his maid. He may change. Unlikely though.

while Thai is happening, it’s time to make your exit plan.

Your gut is telling you it was malicious that’s not something that’s going to go away. It will feel 1000 x worse when you have a new born to care for. Honestly maybe it’s nerves on his part but he’s showing you something here and you need to open your eyes and see it for what it is. Do not accept this, for your sake and your unborn child.

You will be caring for 2 babies when you have your child.He will not change,will cause you huge anxiety to get what he wants.Get rid.

He had to eat a massive cake as you didn't cook his dinner or breakfast...He knows you are not his mum right? And he isnt a helpless child?.
I would say it would be wise to grab your stuff and plan a week or 2 with someone you are close to, completely block all contact with him, think about what you want with no rush or interference from him or you may find yourself doing this but in decades time with a huge stash of resentment and regret. If you do stay with him, a few weeks away with no contact will show him that you are not a doormat and he needs to get it together but in all honesty if you need to teach someone how to love you it doesn't feel like the real deal. Someone who loves and values you knows to cook for his pregnant wife when she has done a 10 hour day plus travel, he knows to get the house cosy and clean and he knows not to eat the food you are craving and show some kindness. Surely that's a bare minimum?
Not trying to scare you but with a beautiful brand new baby and having been through birth itself you need support, if he isn't up to the job I hope you have support elsewhere.
Telling you that your valid feelings are just hormonal and you needing to get over yourself is a giant fireball of a flag here.

Well exactly. This is why I struggle to believe people do this. Surely this is an OP who posted in frustration, knows what she needs to do and is now embarrassed with the overwhelming opinion that confirms it. Perhaps no more to add to the discussion than sit quietly and read? Maybe I’m being generous in this interpretation.

@AreliabfMite

Sorry, OP, but this. It’s not about the cake, that was the final straw.

If you’re really wanting the baby, then go solo, but the stress you’ll get from him being in your life but as a useless man baby, just won’t be worth it.

Don’t under estimate the harm from the weaponised incompetence and the role he clearly sees you in now.

Run!!

Just because they haven’t come back with an update, doesn’t make it fake.

Sure, we would all love an update, but I expect the OP probably has a lot of thinking, and hard decisions to make.

I also suspect the ‘hopefully soon to be ex’, won’t handle her decision like a grown up either and will probably pull other gaslighting shit on her.

She is also very tired and dealing with morning sickness. Maybe she’s dealing with organising a heart breaking termination, we don’t know.

@AreliabfMite We are all rooting for you to do what’s right for you, as long as it doesn’t involve him being in your life anymore.

We would love an update when you can.

It's not about the cake its about his behaviour. He ate the cake to punish you for not cooking for him. Honestly it will only get worse. You need to leave now. Tesco do a dupe of that cake if its the one I'm thinking of.

Okay firstly, you wouldn’t be leaving him over a cake, would you? It’s all of the other shit combined.

Secondly, you say you snapped ‘a bit’. I don’t think I’m alone in saying I would have snapped A LOT!

Please don’t stay with this man, you’ll only be making life difficult for yourself and your child.

I know people say ‘leave him’ like it’s easy, and it’s not because I’ve been there. But it’s a whole load easier than staying in the long run.

Talk to him now, tell him you don’t think the relationship is working. Make it clear how unhappy you are and that you don’t want this to carry on.

Whether you keep the baby or not is YOUR decision and no one else’s. But you’d be better off as a single mum than with this lazy man child.

Just to add - no one is owed a response from the OP, and to say that the post is fake is pretty unfair!

I myself have posted in the past (some time ago) and all of the responses on here can be really really overwhelming!

I also tend to do things like this and be so completely in my head about the whole situation that I completely forget to come back and update.

so cut her some slack please!

Imagine all of this while dealing with a little baby postpartum. His behaviour is likely to get worse not better.

If you can't face a termination raise the child alone. You will be anyway and it will easier to raise just the baby minus the manbaby.

He hates you.