To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

It's a shame. I think she read a few home truths on here and didn't like what she sw. I hope she is OK.

Wow. He’s not much of a team mate in this relationship is he. What a keeper! (Not!)
I promise you that things will get worse. He sounds truly awful. please leave him, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Don’t settle and dull your sparkle for a man child.
This is so much more than about a cake. This is red flags time after time about how he does NOT care about you or how you feel etc. he only cares about himself and as long as you baby him, he will of course take full advantage. He knows exactly what he is doing, trust me. Weaponised incompetence and gas lighting - what a catch he is! Certainly not the boy I would want to stand by watching me whilst providing him with free childcare with the kitchen sink chained to my body.
I would honestly hate to be in your position right now OP. I truly feel for you but I can also say that you either choose this life with him, or you don’t. I can guarantee you though that if you do choose him, you will never be truly happy. You deserve so much better. This is an absolute no brainer for me and you will be so much better off without him. In every aspect.

He sounds like a man-child.
Sorry op but imagine life with a little baby and him as the father.
He should be looking after you helping where he can.
Make you feel loved ... he sounds like a shit partner .

YABU for being in a relationship with this man, let alone having a baby with him! What an absolute turd of a man.

Please leave him before you have your child. He acts like a child himself. You won’t be able to look after your child AND him

And don’t forget that the makers of the viral cake conveniently came along and posted too, even though they’ve never used Mumsnet before

It's not a chocolate cake, OP, it's just the straw that broke the camel's back. If he isn't going to get better, yeah, start making your plans.

OMG was it a slice of Bertha or Bert?
That’s an unforgivable crime.
Tell him to move out. And don’t touch my fucking pregnancy food. EVER
Totally with you on the craving / feeling sick the next minute.

I want chocolate cake now.

I was just gonna say, the description of the chocolate cake made me a bit nauseous
(not a sweets fan).
😁

they’re right. He’s pushing it. Maybe testing boundaries as really he wants you to kick him out

Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

You recognise it for what it is, weaponised incompetence, so now you need to take the next step and tell him is stops immediately or your relationship is done.

You have to do this. Or you will spend your life doing EVERYTHING for you, your home, your DC, while he plays Disney Dad and acts like an additional child. You do not want to waste your life on such an asshole.

If he can hold down a job, he can cook. Clean. Fold clothes.

And not eat his pregnant wife's slice of cake because she wasn't there to defend it. Utter arsehole.

💯 this.

I can’t believe how selfish he is being! My husband (pregnant or not) considers our (both mine and his) every need.. and really this is how things should be. I previously dated a selfish man but thankfully finally saw sense. You are in charge of your own life and the life of your future child. Choose the type of life you want and deserve.

Unless you want to have 2 kids within a few months, then I’d be leaving him. Cause it won’t be long until your posting saying that he does FA for you or the baby, it’s gunna get worse from hear

LTB. Seriously. Wishing you all the best throughout your pregnancy. But seriously it's easier on your own than with a lazy selfish prick of a partner

No one should eat someone else’s GetBaked without consent. Not least a pregnant lady.

He was hungry because pregnant exhausted you didn't make HIM breakfast ?? WTAF !!!!! How hard is it to make toast or cereal ? He wants a mum or nanny not a partner !

@AreliabfMite has posted once then gone.

it must be hard to read all these posts against this idiot @AreliabfMite but there's a reason everyone is saying the same.

Alarm bells are ringing with his laziness and eating all of your treat. I would have a deep chat before baby comes as you may be doing more for the baby than him.

Thank God you've seen this side of him now before it's too late. Get rid of him, leave him whatever but you do not need this useless, pathetic scumbag in your life.

I agree. You've got 4-5 weeks until it would be sensibly, really too late to terminate.
Call in all your support network - if you have one (not everyone does) - you need to do some crash thinking.
If you decide to go solo you'll need to work out a survival plan. Quickly.

Exactly how is he your partner?

I can't figure out if you truly think the cake is the issue, and don't recognize that issue is that you seem to have a lazy inconsiderate partner there.

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou (or something like this). He will get steadily worse when baby comes or you will stick at it for sake of child, then children and eventually your life will become such a misery you will have to claw your way back out taking years to rid yourself of the dead weight of him. Please get out now. My ex finished off our wedding cake (a hummingbird bakery one when that was a big deal) without offering to share with my family who had traveled from overseas to attend wedding or with me, new wife. My mother has never forgotten this. It didn't get better.