Consultant appointment - we used to date

[Kingcole3]

Received a letter with a consultant appointment for next week. That’s great except the consultant for the appointment is a very old flame! We went on a few dates and slept together a few times about 10 years ago. I’m married now with children, I presume he is as well. Obviously we don’t keep in contact. I can’t really remember how it ended, I think it probably just didn’t go anywhere as were in our early twenties at the time. No idea if he will recognise me as I’ve changed my surname but he will be seeing me with not many clothes on so it definitely feels awkward! AIBU? Would you tell your DH or keep quiet? Make an awkward joke with him or stay silent?

NHS or private? I'm sure you can request a different consultant either way but NHS it might delay you appointment so depends how urgent it is I guess.

Omg that’s so awkward!!! Are you 100% sure it’s him?

It’s an NHS appointment that I don’t want to delay, as it’s quite urgent and part of some ongoing treatment. I didn’t even know he worked at this hospital.

I would ask to be seen by someone else.

100% his name is unusual and I knew he was
a a junior doctor in this speciality when we were seeing each other.

Will you definitely see him or one of his minions?

Unless it is a fanny thing, a boob thing or a bum thing, OR unless I was worried that he or I still had a thing for him this wouldn't bother me.

I am assuming you have no reason to be concerned about his professional capability?

Ask for a chaperone Thus situation must be quite common

Unless your husband is coming with you, I don't think there is any need to tell him. I also wouldn't feel the need to either joke or feel awkward. It's a medical appointment and he is doing his job and that comes with all sorts of professional training re boundaries.

I would be contacting the medical secretary or appointments line and explain the situation and ask if you can see somewhere else. I would have thought its a conflict of interest because you might not be as open/relaxed/honest if it was a complete no body.

It is his name on the appointment, but you could be seeing one of his resident doctors anyway. The residents then usually discuss plans with the consultant. You could ask to see the registrar for example.

I’m having a procedure and he will be performing it, I’ve had it before by someone else so pretty sure it will be him. The room will be very full! My bum will be out on show, I’ve just had a baby so I’m not looking my best anyway!

As PP has suggested, phone the consultant's secretary.

I think it would be very strange to attempt to not bring it up. Most people would remember someone they dated and slept with multiple times just a decade ago.

Depending on the issue, this might not bother me at all. But it is likely best to request a new appointment if it doesn’t delay treatment too much.

I would keep the appointment, your health is more important! It was a long time ago and you have both moved on

That’s really awkward, I would call the appointments team first to see if there more than one consultant and if you can switch to someone else. Otherwise if it’s urgent I guess just go and don’t make out you recognise him.

Well, HE might not want to treat you either, given the circumstances. I'd phone the secretary and give a heads up.

I think you’re making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, whichever way you want to go.

Firstly - the NHS has policies on staff dealing with the public and people they know. If
you were to tell the NHS you’re not comfortable with seeing that person, it’s not an issue. The only problem as you say, is delaying the issue because they will likely cancel the appointment and rebook with another consultant at a later date, as opposed to keeping the same appointment and you seeing a new consultant during that slot.

But it’s likely better you do that, then see a consultant you’re not going to be comfortable with or trust 100%.

Yes I think you need to contact the admin team. He might not be able to see you or be comfortable.

100% not awkward unless either of you make it so. He’ll presumably be professional given his profession he’s seen it all before.

have a comment ready for when you first see him ‘ah I wondered from you name if it was you, it’s nice to see you again’ and move forward don’t delay your treatment because of it.

maybe tell your DH tho but don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

Consultants don't always see patients, there is usually a team. When you sign in ask not to see him

He might feel awkward and not be able to concentrate fully! Unless it is life threatening I would definitely change.

He’s a professional consultant he’ll not be bothered that he slept with you ten years ago.
dont delay medical treatment I’d go.

THIS. It's far better that it's all changed now, and the OP is allocated a different person, rather than turning up and HE says 'whoops, no!' And then the OP has to wait weeks on end for another appointment!

THIS. It's far better that it's all changed now, and the OP is allocated a different person, rather than turning up and HE says 'whoops, no!' And then the OP has to wait weeks on end for another appointment!