Consultant appointment - we used to date

[Kingcole3]

Received a letter with a consultant appointment for next week. That’s great except the consultant for the appointment is a very old flame! We went on a few dates and slept together a few times about 10 years ago. I’m married now with children, I presume he is as well. Obviously we don’t keep in contact. I can’t really remember how it ended, I think it probably just didn’t go anywhere as were in our early twenties at the time. No idea if he will recognise me as I’ve changed my surname but he will be seeing me with not many clothes on so it definitely feels awkward! AIBU? Would you tell your DH or keep quiet? Make an awkward joke with him or stay silent?

I had a colonoscopy and when the consultant walked in he was a parent I know from school.
I was already to go...there were 3 nurses in the room with us and apart from putting the tube in I was covered throughout.
I didn't think it was worth going back on the waiting list and he was extremely pleasant as were the nurses!

This...

I’m almost certain he won’t want to perform any kind of intimate procedure on someone he has a sexual history with (or is even technically allowed to), opens him up to a great deal of risk. I would definitely flag with his secretary.

Several ‘consultations’ I’ve had over recent yrs, via NHS, have been with other Dr. members of the team. But all the letters have had the (?) Principal Consultants ‘signature’.
Tho some do state at some point in the paperwork that the above could well be the situation for patients to expect.

Ring the Consultant's secretary and ask if it's possible to be moved to a different Consultant. Be honest, and say that it's nothing personal against him, but you dated him many years ago. You're now married, so he wouldn't recognise your surname, and wouldn't realise it's you until the day. It would be a bit awkward and for both your sakes it would better if you were assigned a different Consultant.

Firstly tell your dh. If its genuinely in the past then why hide it? If it comes out later you will look guilty of something.

Secondly I would contact the conaultants secretary, explain that there ia a personal connection between you and the consultant and you and ask what their suggestion would be.

As a nurse I have had to recuse myself from looking after certain patients because I knew them personally .I don't think its fair on the patient.

I love how many people have totally ignored the question you asked.

I’d mention in passing, probably framed through the hassle lens. ‘This consultant has the same name as someone I went out with for a bit, it’ll be a faff if it’s the same person and Thats an issue’.

Mainly because because not mentioning would be stranger.

I can assure you this consultant may well remember you and he may even allude to your liasions but there is no way he will be embarrassed and neither should you be embarrassed. The only thing on his mind will be treating your problem. There is also the fact there will be a nurse in attendance so all in all not a problem. I'd smile, nod in recognition, perhaps even say how are you? then let the appointment progress.

In that case I'd ring his secretary and explain . If it was something less embarrassing I'd just go

I find it weird that you wouldn't tell your husband.

Perhaps you could call the secretaries and explain there is history there and you do not feel it appropriate to see this particular consultant. To be honest I am not even sure if he would be allowed / or it be ethical for him to treat you. It would only cause further delays if you turned up to the appointment and he refused to see you. He has to protect himself after all. I could be wrong about this as it's a historical relationship but the secretaries will be the ones to advise on this situation.

There may be ethical issues in treating someone they had a sexual relationship with in the past. Definitely flag it and see what they say.

You may turn up and be turned away.

In addition I found this on Google - It is ethically problematic for a doctor to treat a former partner due to potential conflicts of interest and the difficulty of maintaining objectivity and professional boundaries. While not strictly "illegal" in a criminal sense, it is a serious breach of professional ethics as set out by the General Medical Council (GMC) in the UK, which can lead to disciplinary action.

Not my wording btw! I dont want to be in trouble for Plagiarism! but I would definitely speak to the secretaries

Turned up for my smear years ago and it was my friend doing it. She offered to rebook if I felt uncomfortable but it didn't bother me.

If it was someone I had been intimate with I think I'd prefer to have the conversation with them before hand to see what their take on it is.

He won't be able to see you if he realises. It would breach his professional boundaries. I would contact his secretary to explain as I expect it'll be changed to another consultant anyway once he realises its you.

Ask to move it to another colleague. Tell the Secretary you’re desperate for it to be done. I’m a doctor and wouldn’t treat someone I knew unless it was an emergency tbh.

My husband is at a different surgery to me. By chance I ended up in the same waiting room as his surgery as midwifery services are in the same building. Out walked a doctor to call someone in - turns out he's both my husband's doctor and a man I used to date. We (me and my husband) had a good laugh about it.

I really think you need to tell in advance. You could put him in a very awkward position.

He may well not even remember you ? He was a student, it was short lived, straight into the next one.

I used to work for the NHS and mixed with some of the consultants socially as my other half was in management. I never dated a doctor but after having an intimate procedure with a consultant I happened to see the consultant at a social event. He spotted me and came straight over to say lovely to see you again and never mentioned anything about my appointment with him.
I think he won’t mention anything about the past relationship you had and will act in a professional way at all times. However he might ask you if you want another doctor and it’s up to you to decide.

So healthcare workers are able to request to not see a patient if they know them in their personal life (and this is standard practice for them to not treat/operate someone they know personally) so I think you should ring the secretary to give a heads up. He might not want to!

He won’t be able to see you I don’t think. I know I certainly would not treat someone professionally who I had dated and slept with even if it was long ago. Not unless it was an emergency/ no alternative. If I was blindsided by it on arrival I would have to ask one of my junior Drs or colleagues to step in. You really ought to tell him and give him a chance to rearrange with someone else. It’s not fair otherwise.

Same here when I worked in mental health and a former colleague from a past job i had came in on a section. Totally inappropriate for me to be involved in their care. I was transferred to another ward.