Consultant appointment - we used to date

[Kingcole3]

Received a letter with a consultant appointment for next week. That’s great except the consultant for the appointment is a very old flame! We went on a few dates and slept together a few times about 10 years ago. I’m married now with children, I presume he is as well. Obviously we don’t keep in contact. I can’t really remember how it ended, I think it probably just didn’t go anywhere as were in our early twenties at the time. No idea if he will recognise me as I’ve changed my surname but he will be seeing me with not many clothes on so it definitely feels awkward! AIBU? Would you tell your DH or keep quiet? Make an awkward joke with him or stay silent?

A bit awkward I agree. However, he is a professional and I am sure Will act as such. Yes you could request another consultant, but I would not do this within the NHS. I assume there is nothing to suggest he would not be good at his job?

It’s not a colonoscopy! It’s a radiology procedure/small op done via radiology. That’s why I’m confident he will be carrying it out as when it’s been done before a consultant has always done it but there have been plenty of other staff in the room.

I think you should ask for someone else. The fact you have said you've recently had a baby and don't look your best speaks volumes. This wouldn't have even crossed your mind with another consultant but the fact it has suggests that you are already worrying what he will be thinking. You really shouldn't be worrying about the shape of your body at all.

I wouldn't care to be honest as I'd just want it over and done with.
He's a professional and has done the procedure countless times.
If you don't feel comfortable though I suppose you could request someone else and give your reasons.

Wouldn't bother me but i would tell your husband and im sure he knows how important this op is

Years ago I was on the edge of a relationship with a junior doctor. We saw each other at an activity each week and were friendly. Took my mum for an outpatient appointment and he was assigned to see her (we thought she was seeing the consultant not him) and he came over very apologetic that he wouldn’t see her but was going to pass the case back to the consultant again. He just didn’t feel comfortable. The relationship never came to anything as he moved hospitals shortly afterwards 🙄
just mentioned my story as he might not want to deal with you- I’d ring the secretary

I would ring up and preemptively ask to move to a different one, as pp have said if he recognises you is likely to do this anyway so may as well get the ball rolling on that.

I would phone the secretaries / appointment booking people and tell them your previous name and that you were friends with the doctor concerned in the past (don't need to say he's an ex explicitly) and you want to make sure he's happy to treat you.

Medics aren't generally supposed to treat people they know. It makes sense that you're happy to go along with it for the sake of having treatment sooner but that might fall away anyway if he's not willing to treat you.

If you tell the secretaries soon they should be able to swap you onto another Consultant's list quickly if he'd rather not treat you.

I’m 99% sure the doctor who did my internal ultrasound when I had issues in pregnancy with my youngest is now a dad of one of the girls in her year at school - I just hope he sees so many people that he doesn’t remember he’s seen all of me!

I would see if I could see someone else if it didn’t mean a problematic delay. I don’t think it matters if you tell your husband or not - it’s not his embarrassment and he shouldn’t care enough to risk you health if you’re happy to go ahead.

Why wait until sign in? There is then a risk of a wasted trip as they might not have anyone else available that day. Wasting everyone’s time!

i wouldnt waste time ringing, just turn up
he is in the same boat
i am sure he will remain professional

I couldn't go with it, I would be calling and ask to see someone else they will ask why and you can say we used to date.

I don't know, George Michael's old flame didn't even recognise him, and he wasn't surprised, because it had been a whole year since they had a fling last Christmas...

I think contact the secretary and explain. Its a conflict of interest for him so you should see someone else. Explain you don’t want a delay and see if there is a possible appointment swap.

Wild that several real life doctors have posted on here with the answer and people are still saying it isn’t a problem…

we dont know if they are telling the truth

It is after this that I would have to regrettably move to Australia.

They may be masquerading as doctors, but they are giving the answer that’s in accordance with GMC guidance, so…

This. I used to work in the NHS in a smallish community. We had rules about working with people we knew and the rules definitely did not allow staff to give personal or intimate treatments to people they knew. Where treatment was not personal or intimate then the patient had to agree to be seen and the clinician could recuse themselves although we tried not to as we were such a small team. I think its essential in the OP's circumstances to give the clinic advance warning so they can arrange for a different clinician to see her. The situation puts both clinician and patient at risk.

Go and get it done , he is a professional, he probably won't remember and it's best not to delay , I had a hysteroscopy in the summer and I didn't see any of the doctors that were on the website , I did check first 🤣

Yes, I'm really surprised by all of the 'he is a professional, he won't care'! comments on here.

I'm not an HCP, but I work with a lot of HCPs in a sort of health-adjacent role, and I'm surprised there is any opinion being voiced on here, other than that you need to contact his secretary/the department at the earliest available opportunity to rearrange. I would be worried about turning up, this doctor clocking who I was, and not wanting to see me, which I would understand.

Explain the problem ('I used to be in a relationship with this doctor and think it best for both of us if I can see somebody else, but I am keen to not have to wait much longer, how much will changing my appointment so I can see one of his colleagues, delay this?) asap so new arrangements can be made.

If they were a nice ex, I think you owe them not putting them in this position. If they were an arsehole ex, no way would I want to see them again in a way that made me this vulnerable.

Edited as just read ThisTaupeZebra's post and reconsidered.

I would request another consultant. You can always say it’s your cousins neighbour and you prefer not to be known to them. Or similar. There’s also a chance he may not be able to see you once he realises you were previously a ‘thing’. So you could get to your appointment then have it rescheduled to an even later date, and the whole department know why (not that it’s shameful).

@Kingcole3 I think you know what the most appropriate thing to do is and that is request a different consultant.
Why would anyone not?
However it seems like you are looking forward to seeing your ex and baiting for reactions.

I thought exactly this too.

The fact that your bum will be visible and you don’t look your best is completely irrelevant to any medical procedure that needs to be done.

The fact that this is on your mind suggests that you can’t treat/think of him professionally as your doctor. I think because of this you should ask to be seen by someone else.