Consultant appointment - we used to date

[Kingcole3]

Received a letter with a consultant appointment for next week. That’s great except the consultant for the appointment is a very old flame! We went on a few dates and slept together a few times about 10 years ago. I’m married now with children, I presume he is as well. Obviously we don’t keep in contact. I can’t really remember how it ended, I think it probably just didn’t go anywhere as were in our early twenties at the time. No idea if he will recognise me as I’ve changed my surname but he will be seeing me with not many clothes on so it definitely feels awkward! AIBU? Would you tell your DH or keep quiet? Make an awkward joke with him or stay silent?

You need to arrange to see a different consultant @Kingcole3 It's weird and innappropriate. Especially as you were in a relationship previously, and also very intimate! Speak to his secretary, (or the team secretary whatever it is....) Ask for someone else, and say it's because you know him, and it's a bit awkward.

I turned up at the GP surgery to have a cervical smear one time, about 17 years ago, and when I was called in I saw that the nurse was a neighbour (Helen) - from 10 doors down. Her daughter went to school with my DC, and she knew quite a few of the mums!

I was like She said 'oh, I didn't realise ... sorry... err, do you want to rebook?' I thought I'd sound silly if I said yes, so I said 'errr no it's ok. ' (Even though I was cringeing, and really didn't want to go through with it!)

She said 'ok then, ummm, when was your last period?' I said 'I finished maybe 2 days ago.' She said 'oh it's too soon after it to do a smear test sorry, can you go out to reception, and rebook it for this day next week?'

I said 'of course' and we both smiled, and let out a huge sigh of relief. We were both relieved I think. 😆 Whenever I booked it thereafter, I said 'anyone but Helen! No issues with her, but I kind of know her!'

Clinician here.

I'd be tempted to speak to him directly. You have history so ask him on what you should do. You may have a reassuring conversation and actually be happy to have the procedure done by him and have great care.

Or he may say, he'll get you in with a colleague so you wont get delayed. If you go via secretaries - it may get delayed.

Is it a colonoscopy?

I turned up for my last one and it was the parent from one of dc’s clubs that I know fairly well! They asked if anyone else was free to do the procedure but there wasn’t. I was offered the chance to rebook but as I’d had my light diet and done all the prep meticulously I was reluctant. We both agreed that we were ok to go ahead and get it done, there were a couple of other people in the room and it was nothing but professional throughout, except for the ‘see you at training tomorrow’ comment as I left!

The person concerned will be professional, you could ask to rearrange the appt but it will no doubt cause a delay. I think in your position I’d call the secretary to explain and ask if there will be anyone else covering that clinic that you could see.

I was going to ask if it was a colonoscopy.
You really don't want to go through all that prep then have to rebook if that's what it is.

This. As a courtesy to him please flag this. He has no way of knowing you are about to become a patient. It is not professional for him to treat you and he will ideally probably recuse himself once he realises.

In advance ask for a chaperone but don't go into any explanations. I believe you can request simply because you want one and then keep it very medical /professional.
If necessary you can say "I thought it possible we might have met socially some time ago but as this appointment was very important I didn't want to rearrange. "
Unless you decide you really do want to see someone else.
Best of luck.

Definitely ask for someone else that’s so awkward for both of you,

I think I'd do that. Simply tell them he's known to you on a personal level. If he were aware he might prefer not to see you anyway.

This , and he will care even less about how you look .

Is contact the admin team as it’s a very personal procedure and see what they say. Chances are if you are ok with it then he will be too

OP - I'm a hospital consultant and if someone I used to date was booked in to see me, I'd want it rearranged. I suggest you email the consultant's secretary, explain the situation, and ask to see someone else.

I couldn't do it. Far too awkward for everyone, and stress inducing for you on top of having the procedure in the first place. Change it now.

DH is a consultant and has had a few neighbours in his clinic as we live close by to the hospital. At least 4 in the last 2-3 yrs. He puts them on a colleague's list for procedures. Too close for comfort. Your ex may want to do the same.

He may decline to go ahead ….as you and he have history….and that would be his right…..then you would be waiting even longer….just sort it joe

Just ring his secretary and say that given the nature of the appointment and the fact you know him personally (no further details required) you would like to reschedule with someone else.

Incidentially, I know my gynacolognist otherside of his working life but he's the best around so no way I was dealing with anyone else.

Exactly…..and I’m pretty sure he won’t won’t to go ahead

He'll be in breach of GMC guidance if he goes ahead. So yes, best to rebook.

It is better you ask for someone else sooner rather than later, as he may feel professionally embarrassed/unable to treat you when he realises it is you

Yeah you risk having it delayed if you don’t call and explain. Lots of my friends are medics at nearby hospitals and I asked them what the procedure is if one of our group of friends rocks up. They said they wouldn’t treat - transfer to a colleague.

I don't think it's appropriate to have a clinician perform a procedure when you have sexual and romantic history. It might be acceptable if you were once neighbours or something but not this. You risk turning up and the whole thing becoming really embarrassing and the procedure not getting done. I think you would be wise to make contact beforehand to discuss your options.

A chaperone would be present anyway for any kind of intimate examination

Im a consultant and wouldn’t treat an ex-partner. I would arrange for one of my colleagues to take over care.

Contact their secretary and explain and they should be able to transfer you over to another consultant.

Caveat is unless this is a very niche specialty or you live somewhere very remote.

Chances are when he sees your name he will arrange for you to be seen by someone else anyway.

It's worth phoning the secretary and explaining. They might be able to swap the appointment with another doctor if there are several in clinic that day. I'm a nurse specialist and have done this with another nurse colleague when I coukd see from my list that I knew someone. we literally swapped patients as we both had clinic at the same time.

This response is the best.
As a man I am perfectly aware that my wife slept with people before me- it'd be odd if she hadn't- so I can't see why you wouldn't mention it to your husband if you have a normal relationship.
Certainly don't jepardise your health faffing around with changing doctors.

I used to work with my GP before he became a GP and still find it awkward. I think we kind of pretend we don't know each other. I know it is stupid but I actually want to change GP's because of it. I can't imagine how much more awkward this would be in your situation but I guess you only have to see him once maybe ?