To ask if you’d still go on this night out or not?

[ScullyD]

Not a big deal but:

I’m part of a large group of friends and about a year ago I noticed one woman in the group, Anna, would quite often arrange separate meet ups with friends and leave some out. I find it a bit cliquey but understand she’s probably just closer to them.

so anyway the friend she’s closest to, Phoebe, invited me out with them at to 70s disco tonight and I said yes. Then this morning Phoebe messages to say people were going to Anna’s first for cocktails and she’s sure I’d be welcome.

well I checked with Anna about midday and she’s only just replied near the time saying only a couple of people are coming to hers now because she’s not feeling well but ‘you’re definitely welcome next time’. AIBU to just not go at all or am I being daft?

I should say she comes to mine every other month

I don’t know. She’s saying it might be ‘easier’ to meet at the event. I still want to see Phoebe but I’m a bit put off!

I would go to the night out, but not her house. I would meet everyone at the venue. If she’s not feeling well is she still going on the night out?

You are joking surely????

Is Anna still going to the event? If she's unwell. This wouldn't sit well with me but I wouldn't not go to the event because of it. Just remember this for the next time.

I'd still go OP. If you don't then she wins. She's one of those weird women who try to keep their friends to themselves. I'd actually tell your other friend you were keen to meet earlier but so n so said you weren't welcome. See how that goes down. Best of luck. ❤

You are seriously considering just rocking up despite being explicitly told not to?!

Team Anna

And if she is still going to the night out I would say when you see her ‘Wow, you’ve made a miraculous recovery’.

You would still turn up at Anna’s house for cocktail despite being told you weren’t invited?

I’d send a message to Phoebe and say that Anna is unable to host you this evening so you’ll meet her at the disco. She will surely query that with Anna or the other members of the group. I think it will show her (Anna) in a bad light.

She means to the night not to Anna’s house beforehand

Do people just not read the post at all before commenting like this?

That's not what she's saying at all.

Yes this

I’d go to the event, tell her it’s a shame she won’t be there and hope she feeling better soon.
I mean, obviously you’re assuming she won’t be there because she doesn’t feel 100% rather than just being a bit of a cliquey twat.

I’d give pheobe the benefit of the doubt and take it at face value. Maybe she’s not up to hosting this time around. Don’t take it to heart and just go to the event and have a nice time!

Go to the night out, enjoy yourself, and be honest if Phoebe asks why you didn't come to the pre-drinks.

Not being up to hosting a large group at your home doesn’t mean you’re not up to heading out with friends.

Ps: I’m not sure if cliquey is a word,
but if not it should be

The fact she was arranging cocktails this morning and now it’s meet you there is a bit 🙄

I’ve generously hosted her at mine several times now. How I’ll can be going to a disco…

I think still go to the night out OP there sounds like enough of you going so you won’t have to interact with Anna if you don’t want to.

Let Phoebe know you’ll meet her there as Anna said not to come as she was feeling unwell and have a great time!

Just take it at face value.

If people secretly don’t like you, that’s their problem to deal with.

There’s literally no proof of that here so don’t second guess it. Go and have fun.

She’s not considering that AT ALL. She’s not going to Anna’s house. But she’s considering sacking off the whole night and not going to the 70s night because Anna is being a bitch.

I would go but meet them there. If anyone questions it I would openly say in front of everyone ‘Well Anna wasn’t well and said not to go to her house’.

Are you the only person in the large group not going to Anna’s?

@Coffeesmell i don’t know, possibly. No real way of knowing.

But is just one more person, someone who is supposed to be a friend. I can’t imagine leaving someone out tbh

That isn’t at all clear until op later confirms