Page 9 | Sulking husband

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 11/01/2026 13:47

Whoknowshere · 11/01/2026 12:04

Easy to write hard to do with some men. They deceive before the kids, decide together to get married, have kids, share the load, joint account, both work and stay in a career, fast forwards after the kids come, they realise how much work it is and they start being more and more absent, work somehow becomes more demanding (either they find one or make up lies), woman stretches a bit more to cover, then decides it is too much, reduces hours, some who can leave their job, then it ends up being that the woman does it all, all the mental load on house running, school, activities, presents, birthdays, doctors, etc etc. and if they don’t things just not get done and the kids suffer. If you add the financial aspect, they are trapped. I know loads of women in this situation. Some are happy, love the housewife role, others not but hard to change. Again easy to say find a job, get financial independent etc etc but it is not possible for everyone.
but agree keep your full time job and be financial independent is the best advise here

Edited

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I’m not sitting in an ivory tower. I’m talking from my own and other’s experience.

Ee872100 · 11/01/2026 20:06

He's a people pleaser, but not to the people that matter the most - his family.

It does sound like he's using work as an excuse to drop all his personal obligations.

Something has to give. Options are:

You accept that this is your life and continue being a single married mother. He stays in the job. Nothing changes, you just accept it. Or
He changes his job and starts becoming an engaged partner and father.

AuntieLemonade · 11/01/2026 21:54

At best: your husband is an utter mug who believes he is important and indispensable when in reality his company are rubbing their hands at voluntary modern day slavery. He has also checked out of family life and doesn’t like or miss you and the kids and has no intention of changing. He’s a loser and should give you the ick…
At worse: your husband is working part time, is not working at all, is working illegally, is inventing his work issues for nefarious reasons. Possibly for financial gain but as others have said, possibly as a cover for a second family or other double life. Women don’t have second families because they don’t have time!!! He’s a nasty/dangerous man who you should be getting away from quick time…
Common denominator: He’s a terrible husband/father/provider and he doesn’t much care about it! LTB

RussianDoll777 · 11/01/2026 22:11

This can’t be real.

IndysMamaRex · 12/01/2026 09:35

He works 7 days a week?…are you sure he’s definitely working & not somewhere else?

yes some people are workaholics but this has my spidey senses tingling

beAsensible1 · 12/01/2026 10:28

Your entire life revolves around this guys job and he earns less the UK average salary and based on his current hours below minimum.

time for you to stand the hell up. You either move or he changes job permanently. This is untenable.

I am fuming for you, working like a dog for a pittance and checking out of family life. Doing errands on Christmas like he’s a teenage intern. It’s embarrassing at this point, where’s his backbone.

TheGoddessFrigg · 12/01/2026 10:45

At the very very least you need to move house somewhere more central.

And from bitter experience I can tell you that a father who obviously doesn't want to spend time with you has a corrosive effect on children's self esteem.

OneWiseBlueSheep · 12/01/2026 13:09

This might come across a little blunt and I apologise, this behaviour indicates drugs, workaholic, affair or gambling. Something isn't adding up, 30k isn't a lot of money for the hours he's putting in, it doesn't make any sense why someone would dedicate this much of their life to that little cash.

I'd look at getting out of this situation or confronting him, change job, move into a less rural area and get your driving license.

whittingtonmum · 12/01/2026 22:20

30k is an absolutely ridiculous salary for these hours. Laughable that he thinks his job is so important. I thought he was on £200k or something when I read the original post. If he can't attempt a reset with the new job and pull his weight with the kids you might need to accept that he will never change and consider your options.

SnugSheep · 13/01/2026 12:56

Mummalovesya · 10/01/2026 07:29

For years now ever since my middle child was born my husband has had a career that isn’t very sociable.
i don’t drive anymore (I have severe epilepsy so I’m medically not allowed, my license got revoked when I was 23) which means the kids miss out on stuff as I can’t get them there. We live very rural so not many buses etc and have no family near to help.

Over the years he’s been offered numerous jobs to benefit us as a family , be at home more and fits more around family life, he refuses to go. For context he works 7 days a week, barely a day off and if he does get a day off he works from home in the office with the door shut 🤦🏻‍♀️ He worked all over Christmas , new year everything etc. he was taking work calls whilst the kids were opening presents and had to leave mid way through, came back at 4.30pm missed dinner and had to leave shortly after to go to the head office 🙄

I must say, when I met him I was in a career I had longed for my whole life, it was my dream career. I gave it up for him so i know it can be done.

I work now full time. My kids have to go to breakfast club and after school club , I literally get no help with that because he’s at work. At weekends when I’m working and he is , he refuses to help me cos he’s been at work all night and is tired so I have to end up taking my children to work with me or calling in sick.

The kids HATE him always being at work and hate that he’s missed out on so much stuff , he knows this.

He’s been offered a new job just down the road from us, the same amount of money for much less hours. The hours are literally a dream works around us and the kids perfectly and much less stress of my head. He’s accepted the job and handed in his resignation(which he’s done hundreds of times but retracted it) But all he’s doing is sulking.

Hes already planning to go back he said he’s jsut taking a year out that’s it.

AIBU to think he’s just a selfish twat putting his own needs first rather then his kids? I’ve given up my whole career and more for him and we wouldn’t have the kids we do now if I didn’t.

Obviously YANBU @Mummalovesya, but I think you need to take stock of your relationship. What is this man contributing to your family life except money? It may be he’s a workaholic and needs some help rewiring his brain to rid himself of that toxicity but he has to want to make that change. He’s aware of the impact on you and your kids, and clearly won’t be forced to change, so save your energy trying to convince him.

I’d plough that energy into imagining my life not married to someone who is married to work and who has such a limited understanding of what being a father and partner should be. You say you live rurally, and that must be very challenging with kids given you’re medically unable to drive. A move to a more populated area could help improve your quality of life and theirs. Get your ducks in a row, take those kids, and live a fuller, more enriching life by yourselves. He’s no bloody use to you anyway, and you never know, you might meet someone who is one day.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 13/01/2026 13:06

You live rurally so that your husband gets to see his kids, but he doesn't because he is away at work or shut in his office all day.

And he gets paid £30k. My son is a trainee engineer and he gets more than that, he is 19 years old!

There is something very wrong here!

Why the hell are you putting up with being the absolute lowest of his priorities?

AzureFinch · 13/01/2026 19:49

30k and running around for the boss on CHRISTMAS FUCKING DAY.

Yeah he would have been looking for somewhere else to live at that point

FairKoala · 14/01/2026 00:32

Mummalovesya · 10/01/2026 18:14

I can’t reply to everyone again as I’m very overwhelmed I didn’t think the post would get this much comments thank you all 🙌🏻

My career I was in performance , and my job involved touring the country doing west end shows etc.

He works from home doing his other hobby/job , selling and restoration of boats and parts. Technically he doesn’t HAVE to work 7 days, he’s contracted for 4/5 but he does more to always get in their good books. He is a massive people pleaser and will be like a little goody two shoes at work, to put a bluntly to be his bosses bitch. So even if he is ‘off the clock’ and not due to work for another few hours or so, if his boss calls and says he needs something picking up from dry cleaners for example and dropped off to him, he will drop everything and do it.

Christmas Day he got a phone call from his boss to let him know that he wanted him to run an errand and then some bow took all day and then when he got home he had to go to HO because his boss wanted him to do something there aswell.
I don’t even ask anymore im bored of planning stuff an then get dropped for his work and his boss.

So to answer your questions , yes 30k is correct if he was working his normal contracted shifts. He’s picking up other stuff and doing other stuff he’s not meant to do just because 🤷🏻‍♀️ his tongue is sooooo far up his bosses arse hoping for a pay rise he is failing to see how unhappy we all are.

I think you have to see that he loves his boss and his job more than you .

Whilst being a single parent is hard work because everything is down to you. It’s also the greatest because everything is down to you.

No more dealing with another person who you have to compromise your own wants and needs

SeenItAllMostly · 26/01/2026 22:51