To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

@Calypos i’m guessing you don’t know many corporate lawyers or people in similar roles. You can make big money, but it’s a brutal environment as others have mentioned. Your son is also only 28. He has many years ahead of him to find a higher paying role if he wants to. Many lawyers move around and don’t stick to the same one kind of law for their whole career.

What an excellent, inspirational response.

If the OP is so worried about their sons finances, and given how successful the OP must have been to act/think like this, the OP surely can write the son a large cheque or put money in a trust for them.

To 'worry' about a 28 Yr old when surely you can do something about it, and make your son more 'eligible' to the gf is crackers :)

And what about your life is damaged by your son’s pay slip, besides your own ego and bragging rights?

OP there was an issue with your initial post. I’ve fixed it for you

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount.

The end! There you go

To be fair, based on that comment I agree I shouldn't have defended the OP so resolutely, but neither should you have condemned her in the same way, as it's not black and white.

If her friends are boasting about how wealthy their children are, or how well they're doing, then she may wish to join in and brag as you say.

She may also not be that kind of person, and just be listening to her friends and be thinking to herself 'he could have all this too'.

How incredibly sad.

Your son has chosen a career path he is passionate about that involves helping others at a time the world is chronically in need of justice and compassion, and you're worried he won't be able to buy a fancy home in London.

Get a grip.

And I say that as the mum of a third year law student who is on the path to become a human rights barrister. She had opportunities with Magic Circle firms that could have led to a graduate job but turned them down because she has other priorities...and I could not be more proud.

so people on this thread don’t feel money matters and should not be taken into account when choosing a job? I understand where you are coming from OP. It’s similar to different specialities in medicine being more lucrative outside the NHS.

However, branches of law are different and your son may not thrive in the corporate world. As long as he is aware pf his earning potential and plan accordingly.

Presumably you made your son aware as he was growing up the reality of life, bills, mortgages etc and helped him understand salaries and not all roles are remunerated to the same amount during his childhood?

If so and he made his choice then you have done your parenting role. If he is happy and enjoying his role then that is the most important thing and shows he found his calling.

Money is important but his first steps in his career are just that first steps from that he may flourish and end up anywhere.

For context I'm an Architect, my parents would have preferred for me to head towards a career with a higher entry salary, and spoke to me regarding 7 years study v salary expectations. My husband studied medicine and knew he wanted to head towards surgery.

Today I far outstrip my husband in terms of income due to my choices within the industry. Not relevant in our relationship however I just wanted to demonstrate to you you really do not know where anyone will move towards in any career path there are high earners.

Are you for real? He is 28 and mortgage/rent free 😂
I hope his girlfriend is protecting her assets though (nothing at all against your son).

I’m a lawyer. As in any other job, it’s pretty soul destroying practising an area of law/
performing a role you find boring. I could never be a Corporate lawyer, for example, even though they tend to earn the most. The money just wouldn’t do it for me.

I have an adult child graduating this summer. She’s highly intelligent, is doing a STEM degree, and could go into any line of work. She wants to be a primary school teacher because she loves kids. She knows what the job will be like as her grandmother, who was very hands-on when she was little( was a primary school teacher till she retired. DD still wants to do that. She will never earn much if she stays in that career but if she enjoys it, that’s what’s most important.

Unbelievable! I judge parents who think their children should be chasing wealth rather than doing whatever it is they actually want to do.

You actually “panic”? He’s still in a well paid job comparatively speaking! Yes he could earn more in corporate law or finance but that is also a lifestyle choice and the burnout rate is huge. Careful what you wish for. Happiness and job satisfaction are worth so much more in the long run.

You are not wasting your talents if you enjoy what you do.

He will earn enough to live OP. Perhaps he is not as materialistic as you. In todays world that is no bad thing.

Lots of things are underpaid. Would you have felt the same if he was currently a resident doctor (many feel they are under paid), a nurse, a teacher?

All of these things, and his work, are good professions. And considered by many to be under paid, but you never hear people saying "I wish my teacher son had chosen the more lucrative teaching option". Only that their role is under valued and they deserve more.

He has chosen his career path, he makes a living, he's happy. What more could you reasonably ask for?

Money matters in so far as it is important to be able to afford the essentials that we need to live. And as a lawyer in any field, the OP's son is unlikely to find himself destitute - he may never be wealthy but he will always have enough to live on.

Once you have enough to cover the essentials, having more money becomes much less important than being fulfilled. There is a lot of research to back this up - beyond a certain point, increasing income simply doesn't make people any happier.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack I agree with that. We are by far the poorest of our friends. We’re not poor! We have a house we love in a pretty part of the country, we work part time and not far to retire. Our favourite thing is hiking and we have enough to do what we want. Our friends have second, sometimes third homes. Hundreds of thousands spent on holidays. Kids privately educated. And lovely people. But I’d say they are no happier than us.

He is happy and fulfilled in his career. YABU

This. Think very carefully about what you are wishing for.

And do not give any hint that you are disappointed in his career choice - it will not end well.

Give a thought to those of us whose DC are freelance artists 😄

Surely it’s more important he’s happy than wealthy. The demands of the sort of law that earn big money can be extreme. (I did a law degree so have lots of friends in the profession). Those that went into big money law have seemed to follow broadly two paths. Either they love that way of life and that type of work and are flying, or they did it for the money but don’t live it so are burning out. I’ve seen two people change jobs to different areas with less pay but that suits there interest. Look at it this way - he may not be “high flying” but he should always have a job!

Spare a thought for those of us who’s children are disabled and cannot get any work

When you say ‘relatively’ underpaid what does that mean? What does he earn? I suspect he’ll be doing fine- especially as he’s not paying rent/ mortgage. They’ll be fine getting a family home as they’ll have a huge deposit from the flat.

Money does matter but from what the OP has said her son is clearly doing fine. It’d be different if he’d trained as a lawyer and then decided to work in a minimum wage job, being topped up by UC and living in a house share. He has a mortgage free home, a decent job (which is almost certainly well paid, even if not as high as others in law) and had options if he wants to earn more in the future.

I voted YABU

I think it’s wonderful your son has found a career path that does some good, and that he’s interested and motivated by.

Your job is what you do with the majority of your time, so you should find it interesting.

I am a criminal lawyer though, so might be a bit biased!

Many of the areas of law that you describe as “lucrative” are IMO mind bendingly boring as well as a little bit soul destroying. I wouldn’t wish that on your son as he sounds a good person.

You’re being massively unreasonable.

The world needs passionate civil rights lawyers at the moment! And he will be on decent money, just not insane City money.

And it makes him happy. Gosh if you look at all the threads here about people’s adult children being miserable, failing to launch and so on, he’s in the top 10% for happiness and success!

And finally, I know someone very high profile who has made an amazing career out of civil rights law. Hanging with the Clooneys kind of life. Don’t make assumptions.