To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

I hear you.

mine is a musician and is probably always going to be penniless as a result….

Talk about first world problems. Can't you wish that his line of work was better valued instead?

They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage

That counts for a lot, surely?

Hand me my tiny violin….

Is he happy?

It does but it depends on him remaining in this relationship and whilst they are mortgage free, the service charge is still expensive and it is a small flat, they couldn't stay there with a family and family homes in London are so expensive these days.

Any interest in if he is leading a happy life or is it all just about the money and the bragging rights for you?

I think you're the one with the problem - you are measuring your DS and his GF by one measure: how much they earn. That's just your measure. I'm sure they have their reasons for choosing their careers which could include how fulfilling they are, their life style, what they feel passionate about.

It will be fine OP...

DH and I a decade older than your DS and sort of in the same situation (DH did an economics degree, all his friends went into banking/finance and he went into the public sector).

It took us a bit longer than our friends to buy a family home but we got one, no ones DC are at private school, and honestly the only difference I see in lifestyle (we are still friendly with his economics friends) is that they go on nicer holidays and we tend to go to eurocamp type places.

And if he'd gone into finance/tax/M&A he could be doing 15 hour days and stressed to the gills while earning £££. Swings and roundabouts.

Long as he’s happy that’s all that matters surely? Or is it so you can have bragging rights?

I don't think it's unreasonable to worry, but having been a corporate lawyer I'd say he's actually picked the better option: less money, but better physical and mental health, a meaningful career, no self-loathing, space for a family life. If I could go back I'd make the choice he's made.

Please let it go. He's only 28. He'll make enough to live a decent life.

Well done for raising a young man who understands that there is more to life than money. Though it sounds like this was more by accident than design.

The way things are going politically, civil liberties law may become even more important, ergo more lucrative, than it is currently.

It's great that he has drive and enjoys what he's doing.

You’re unhappy that your son has a career in an area that excites and fulfils him and lives in a mortgage free London flat? Is nothing good enough for you?

Oh God, a lawyer and partner living together in a free flat in London. What a nightmare. How do you sleep at night?

He has followed his passion, working in a more lucrative area that he’s not interested in could be soul destroying and ultimately affect his physical and mental wellbeing. It can lead to burnout.

He will be working for decades, it’s a marathon not a sprint.

He is clearly intelligent and no doubt understands other areas are more lucrative, it’s an informed choice and he is prioritising job satisfaction (which is increasingly common amongst younger people).

I have a musician, your son is positively rolling in it compared. (And not the kind of music that will ever make money, there’s only space for one of her kind to be famous at a time and Katherine Jenkins has the spot!) Be thankful he is in a job doing good in the world and has a skill set that means ai really can’t take his job. We need solicitors willing to work in human rights but also criminal law, might not be lucrative but it’s so important

So let me get this straight. Your ‘incredibly’ intelligent son has a degree, went into law, has a good job, has an intelligent girlfriend and they own their own flat. So no mention of happiness except to say that the are both passionate about their careers. Because as a parent happiness surely comes last!

This is hilarious.

Let me guess privately educated and now feel it’s a waste of money? Or so intelligent should be ruling the world?

Your idea of success is very different to his - he is working, has a girlfriend and home and is doing something he is passionate about. He is nailing it.

YABVU

Well, they can surely move if and when the time comes. I was able to pay off my mortgage before 40 but there are always other, ever increasing costs associated with daily living. It doesn’t mean that I (and your son) are not in a fortunate position.

i assume you recognise the need for lawyers working in the area your son has chosen? Because if so, your complaint sounds a bit NIMBY.

I think it’s much more important to have values and happiness in life. My DDs are the same age and will earn far, far less than your son. One is a dancer and the other works for a charity, having a first class degree and a master’s from a top university. Your son is in a great position with a mortgage-free flat and a nice girlfriend.

Speaking as a solicitor who specialised in Family law.... you are totally UR. Law is difficult, unforgiving and actually not as lucrative for the vast majority as you might imagine. If he is in an area he loves and is actually being paid for it, then he's already ahead of most other lawyers around- and probably ahead of many of his peers.

Besides- it gives him so many opportunities - lawyers have a high burnout rate. His specialism means he has the opportunity to work in the civil service; in international organisations; anywhere.

He has a job he loves. His GF has a job she loves. She/they have a measure of financial security and a foot on the housing ladder. He's already winning at life.

I think I’d be grateful that
a) My child was intelligent, smart and caring
b) He and his partner have fulfilling careers
c) They don’t base their worth and value to society on their monetary value
d) They are happy doing what they’re doing.

Of course it’s expensive to have property in London. Even high earners struggle with prices there. They may wish to move elsewhere in the future, if they want a bigger property or a family.

Presumably, they both know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. If you place a person’s worth on how much they earn and their material goods, you’ll often be disappointed.

I feel like "panic" is a huge overstatement here. Is your DS panicking?

My DH does the sort of role I think you wish your DS went into. First, a lot of very intelligent people don't succeed in getting these jobs. It is immensely competitive (DH thinks he wouldn't be hired today). So it's not certain that son definitely could have gone down this path. Also, it is brutal. The colleagues that stick it either enjoy it at an intellectual level (DH) or they have a lifestyle that requires the money and hate it. I don't think that's a life you want for your DS.

Lots of people raise children in London flats. Or they can sell that flat and move out of London. Or maybe he'll break up with that woman and marry a banker. You just don't know what the future holds. I strongly think if it wasn't this you were worrying over, it would be some other aspect of his life - is this a pattern for you?

His girlfriend bought the flat. It doesn't belong to him so its great that he doesn't have to pay rent, but it's not his flat.