To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

But he is happy, interested and fulfilled. He is doing well in other parts of his life to with a girlfriend and a flat to live in. As a parent, i want nothing more for my son than what your son has.

I’m a corporate M&A / private equity lawyer and I enjoy it (sometimes) but would be gutted if my kids did this job. I had to leave London to go to an ex-pat jurisdiction where the hours are better and I have more help around the house so I can actually see the kids and my husband.

At one stage of life I worked for a US firm making about 400k pa and I genuinely thought about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and get an injury which wasn’t bad enough to kill me but was bad enough to get time off work.

i got pregnant instead which changed my perspective and I’ve managed to decrease the hours.

I understand that some other (less well paid) areas of law eg criminal can also have atrocious hours but I think there is more job satisfaction to be had if you’ve chased a passion. No one is an M&A lawyer because they are passionate about it, you do it for money and status. I wouldn’t have made the same choice. You should be proud of your son for pursuing his passion and not chasing the money. There are more important things.

They have enough to not be stressed about money and that’s all you need. You end up with the same stuff it just costs more if you have more money.

Not sure why you are getting a hard time @Calypos . Happiness and fulfilment as a 28yo is one thing but there is also the long term and needs/wants/pressures change with each decade of life.
It’s great that your son is happy now but there is no denying that money (financial security) solves many problems and eases many worries - as shown by his gf inheriting meaning they can live rent/mortgage free. I presume without this inheritance they wouldn’t be able to live in London? Are their roles available outside London? Is there scope for career/salary progression?

Hopefully, a combination of good choices and good fortune will lead to things working out well for him.

As they say, money doesn’t make the world go round but it sure as hell helps.

You sound like my friends Mum -

despite her going to a state school and growing up in poverty she was disappointed she had become ‘only a GP’ instead of the surgeon she so wished for. She then put major pressure on her to have a family and a perfect husband and house when she had spent her entire 20’s and 30’s seeking therapy for her childhood and paying off nearly 100k of student loans. My friend no longer speaks to her Mum.

I am curious too, was he privately educated? Also he could split from the gf, of course he could...it's not guaranteed OR his entitlement, this is a bit "two centuries ago". Don't his own parents have anything for him to feather his nest with/benefit from? Maybe he/they could move away ftom London and purchase a cheaper home where their income eould stretch much further. Would the distance from the OP make them happier or sadder, especially if this meant OP could not assist with potential children?

My sister and her husband both work part time in retail (read: min wage) jobs. They live in a much cheaper area of the country to me and were able to get a small mortgage so they have their own home and time to themselves. They have no DC and no plans, which does help financially as we all know.

They're happy. Sometimes we (my parents and I) worry about how they'll cope financially, but they cut their cloth accordingly and crack on.

DH and I have much better paying careers, both of us enjoy them and we also like the benefits (i.e. being able to live in a very expensive part of the country, which is close to his family, has good opportunities for DD and things we enjoy doing).

One of DHs brothers is constantly changing roles and chasing the big bucks. He likes money and status. He's put himself into a lot of debt to live the lifestyle he thins will make him happy. He's stressed constantly.

Financially we're much better off than my sister. Emotionally, we're no better off.

Financially we're less well off than BIL (although still comfortable). Emotionally, much better off.

I know which sibling I'd swap with...

My ex boyfriend from law school went into corporate. He died of a stress induced heart attack when he was only 38.

It's no life

Be so proud he is defending civil liberties. Just look at what happens when they are flouted and ignored, as per the Trump regime.

My mum was the exact opposite of op she was worried sick when I worked in corporate law in the City in my twenties. She actually burst into tears once and said “I didn’t bring you into this world to work like this”. How right she was!

Well obviously if you are never satisfied with how much you have you will never be happy - surely that goes without say.
And not all high paid jobs are worth it - I am not a lawyer but PPs’ experiences of high paying law jobs sounds grim. Hopefully, this gives OP some reassurance.

Easy to be comfortable without dependents and living day to day without any plans like your seemingly happier sibling.
Perhaps if they did have children then they would not be the happier sibling if their current financial situation was the same 🤷‍♀️ ?
Perhaps they have chosen not to have children because they cannot afford to - maybe not the case for your siblings but it’s becoming an increasingly common reason?

Money doesn’t solve all problems but it does make many everyday problems easier to deal with.

Not directed at your post particularly - but it’s just naive to say that you just want your child to be happy without acknowledging that a not insignificant part of that comes with financial security and, if they choose to go down that route, a well-chosen life partner.

Well aren’t you a joy of a parent

My son, a few years younger, has chosen a similar path. I’m incredibly proud of his choice and would worry so much more if he’d chosen a more corporate route that could leave him with no time to even have a family or life outside of work.

Your son is only 28. You have little reason to be worried - his future could take many, many different paths and you’re very hung up on his earnings.

I didn't say my sibling was happier. I said they weren't less happy than us, despite us being more well off financially.

In my sister's case they've chosen not to continue with IVF after a LONG battle of trying to conceive. And yet have still managed to make themselves happy despite a large part of their wants and needs not being met. On part time minimum wages.

I don't disagree that money makes life easier. But in OPs case, her son isn't barely scraping by. He's in a decent paid, secure career he enjoys. She just wants him to be making more money. That's what PPs are getting at. Making more money when he's already comfortable won't bring him anymore happiness. It'll likely have a negative impact his happiness.

My son is an absolute brain box...Achieved 9 A▪︎ and a B in his gcse's and 4 A☆ in Alevels. Didn't want to go to university, he takes orders by phone for people who want skips and building materials. I know he could have a brilliant career, he enjoys anything with engineering, but, it's his life, not mine. He is happy and that's what matters the most.

If I had a child who worked in a field they were passionate about I’d be absolutely delighted. Money is a very poor motivator.

You’ll love me then. I qualified in 2007 and after several unpaid work placements decided on Criminal Defence. It is the lowest paid area of law but is arguably the most interesting. Believe me when I tell you any area of law is brutal but especially corporate.
The combination of the relentless pressure, the unsociable hours and my Dad being placed on palliative care led me to leave law. It was making me ill.
Fast forward a few years and I am now a TA in my children’s school. One of the lowest paid jobs in the country. But I love it.
I used to beat myself up daily about having a degree and not using it. My career hungry BIL constantly asks when am I going to return to law which leads me to feel that I was only worth anything to him when I was a solicitor.
My parents were SO supportive. At times it was the only thing that got me through it.
If your son has found an area of law he is happy in and has a good work life balance then he needs your support not your criticism.

The world needs people like your son and his girlfriend. People who are intelligent, caring and dedicated to their work. People to whom money and status is not a priority-I applaud them.

The corporate legal world is not all that it is cracked up to be. Yes, without doubt, the money is great but it has to be because no sane person would do the job otherwise. Long long long hours in banking or M&A required to establish yourself. Fear is a constant part of the job because the stress is so high, you live in constant fear of dropping the ball.

Your son is happy, that counts for a lot, and he is also gaining valuable experience and confidence from a role he enjoys.

Op have you never met those people at 60 ISH who are hollowed out wondering what they are doing with their lives ! Years spent chained into a souless job ,never saw their DC etc and wonder what it's all about ?
Id much rather be the child of a parent who lives their job and feels like they are doing something productive

@LouH1981 if you have DC your degree isn't going to waste and those skills and that knowledge will be getting infused to them .
Apparently In some studies the mums academic attainment has a huge bearing on their DC learning journey.

If money is important to you then crack on and make it. It's objectionable to act as though someone else who is prioritising ethics or a work-life balance over money is somehow making the wrong choice, though.

The PP (sorry, can't find which page it's on now) who pointed out that if going into a lucrative branch of law was so important to the OP then she should have done it herself, and surely her own career is the one she should be criticising rather than her son's.

Your son has chosen an area of law that not only he can make a living from, he is passionate about, good for him. Your son's gf owns a flat outright so they have no rent, he can save his rent money and when they are ready to move put this money into a home along with her flat, or if they break up he has part of a house deposit (he's landed on his feet either way in this resepct). They are in a much much better position than most grads paying high rents and no hope of saving for a house deposit.

You need to stop comparing your children to what your friend's children are doing, it's your son's life and up to him to chose his own career path, not eveyone is driven by money or indeed status, thankfully.

Just so that you know-it is possible to practise law and raise a family outside London.

I assume they would still be able to live in London, he makes about 50k, she makes 43k (she's in a different industry), but it wouldn't be in the area they are in, or more likely they'd be in a flat share, so the quality of life would be very different. While I do get his hours are better (about 8-5.30/6 most days, but late nights are not uncommon at all).

I guess to me it just feel such a shame, they are both very intelligent but not really getting the rewards for it. His gf is very morals/values driven and I wonder how much of her deep sense of morality impacts him.