To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

Don't blame her for your son having morals instead of being materialistic....he has morals, that is a good thing...

Money isn’t everything. And considering people manage to raise a family without a paid off flat and a double lawyers’ salary somehow I imagine they will be ok.

This is a stupidly privileged take OP. You sound ridiculous. They make almost £100k between them with no rental costs… they’re doing very well considering they’re not even 30.

@noworklifebalance Yes, a certain income level does make life a lot easier and it’s not crass to admit that, it’s realistic.

@Calypos Your son is earning a decent salary that enables him to pay his bills, that’s the important thing. If by 28 he didn’t earn enough to support himself, that would be concerning, but he’s doing fine. OK, he may not be able to afford a house in a posh area or luxury holidays in the future (esp. if he splits up with this gf), but perhaps he’s not bothered about that? He’s fine so let him be.

Give me happy over rich, any day.
Having kids isn't the given it has been in the past either.

You're giving 'disapproving mother ' vibes. Just be proud of him and do away with expectations :)

You say that his girlfriend is very moral/values driven as if that's a bad thing?

It sounds to me like your son just has a much less materialistic view of the world than you do. And yes, that might be because he has fallen in love with a woman who cares about money less than his mother does, but so what if that's the case? He doesn't have to live his life according to the money-driven goals that you may have had for yourself. Some people choose a different path.

Is it not far more important that he is happy in his work?
what’s the point of having a good income if it’s earned through putting yourself through daily torture?

The shame of having a son with morals! I don’t know how you can show your face in public.

We need decent lawyers working on civil liberties issues, and I for one am very glad to hear that he's chosen to specialise in this!

I think you should be very proud of him for making that choice and doing the right thing in life, rather than opting to be paid more highly doing dirty work for some corporation.

And who says he and his gf even intend to have kids? If they already own a mortgage-free property in London (while still in their 20s!) they are pretty well off, and unlikely to be homeless at any point in the future. Even if they split up, he will be fine.

Why not join those who campaign for legal aid laywers to be bettter paid? They do a job that's vital in order for society to have a fair(er) justice system.

There's an annual event called the London Legal Walk, set up to raise money for frontline legal advice services. Maybe you could sponsor him to take part in that?

are you saying that you didn't manage to impart any morals to him yourself? or don't have any?

I did what your son did for a very long time. It was very fulfilling, but a huge juggle once I had DC not just in being cash strapped, but time strapped too, and unable to afford to fund additional help to ease the way.

You’re driven to and by it.

Sadly, after several decades, it impacted my physical health. I’ve changed my area of practice belatedly.

But it’s so good to be able to do something you are passionate about. I wish your DS all the best.

Op literally said she’s happy he’s happy.

How long will that happiness last though? When he gets a bit older, wants a family and realises that he can’t afford to bring his children up how he wants, will he be happy then?

As a lawyer your post makes me incredibly sad OP. I’ve been in my career nearly 20 years and done well for myself but for the last few years I have been miserable. Long hours and higher pay come at a cost. This can be a significant mental cost. Why would you wish that on your son because it’s a common story in law.

If your son is happy and passionate about what he does then that is wonderful. You should be proud of him and pleased for him. The working life is long. People who do something they care about and enjoy, in my opinion, are the smart ones.

The tone of your posts comes across as though you are disappointed in him. That is awful. Being intelligent does not mean you have to have a stressful difficult job. And your comments about him not doing so well in his A levels is pretty appalling. You need to get some perspective. I truly hope your son is not aware of your disdain.

Maybe he doesn’t want children. It’s a choice many people his age are making now. Understandably - who’d want to bring children into the world as it is now?

It’s statistically probable that he’ll want children.

A new survey reveals that only 55% of Gen Z and millennials plan to have children. One in four of those surveyed, aged between 18 and 34, has ruled out parenthood entirely, with the most common reason cited being “wanting time for themselves”.

https://unherd.com/newsroom/why-doesnt-gen-z-want-children/

£50k at 28 is a good salary. Even in London.

Over £90k between them at that age is a v good income.

And presumably he is able to save towards a deposit given their mortgage free status.

There are plenty of flats, 2 bed, available, in good conversions with share of freehold (so no massive service charges) that they could afford now.

And sorry OP, AAB A levels were average in the top sets of my DC’s S London Comprehensive. He did well, I’m not saying he didn’t, but you seem to have an exalted idea of his extraordinary intelligence that is giving you a sense of entitlement by proxy.

I still meet up with various groups of friends that my DC's grew up with and their jobs/careers cover a wide range.
There are a few whose DC's are on vast salaries and have (according to parents) a wonderful lifestyle. But the work hours are bizarre and uncontrolled and their social lives are often entwined with networking, heavy drinking etc. business trips abroad at short notice. None of which would be compatible with family life.
Perhaps those young people age 18 to 34 who say they want time for themselves have grown up with both parents working full time and exhausted and no time for real family time.

£93k at 28 is a really good wage for their age, especially rent free in London, they should be able to save what they would've spend on rent for a nest egg incase they want to upsize later on too. Honestly they're doing really well and having good morals is a brilliant thing! Sounds like his GF is a good influence.

I really don't understand peoples priorities. You hear so many wealthy people who are so miserable and stressed. He's fulfilled, happy and financially comfortable. Please don't wish he traded in morals, fulfillment and happiness for material assets. Don't wish your child a gilded cage OP. Xx

Is this what my kids call a "First World Problem" ?