To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

He’s a grown man it’s absolutely nothing to do with you, he’s working and doing something he’s interested in, as is his girlfriend. There are a lot of problems in the world but this isn’t one of them, let them get on with it and mind your own business.

Criminal law here. We work longer hours under an insane amount of pressure for a small fraction of the money of those in corporate law.. it's depressing how little publicity funded law is paid and respected.

They are mortgage free in London in professional jobs, yes they will be able to afford life and kids.

we are all going to be working an awfully long time, doing something you enjoy is a huge win.

Sounds like you are more concerned about how he stacks up to your friends in terms of material gain rather than, y'know, him actually being happy.

Poor kid.

Fancy having a mortgage-free flat in London and an impressive professional career at the age of 28. I can see why you are sooooo disappointed.

Not everyone can be a management consultant or corporate lawyer. I know quite a few and some of them like it but some are miserable with the long hours and pressure.

Your child is 28. Let go! Stop comparing him to your friends kids!

This. That is all I could want from my kids not what job they had.

But talented nonetheless ❤️

I did “big law” in London (a niche type of commercial litigation) for many years. For those very lucrative jobs, you work a minimum of 50 hours a week, you never make plans for weekday evenings as you wouldn’t leave the office before 8pm on a good day and anything could come up at any moment that means you are there until 10pm or much later. You are expected to drop any personal plans on weekends if the client wants something and once I was about 5 years qualified I never had a holiday that wasn’t interrupted by conference calls, reviewing documents, answering emails, etc. You work harder and harder as you get more senior and strive for partnership, which only a tiny fraction of people get and most firms are “up or out” so you are left in your mid 30s looking for a new job and you won’t find one that pays what you were earning before. Many people’s relationships split up, and it’s absolutely rotten once you have kids.

I can pretty much guarantee that if your son had one of those jobs, you would be posting about how worried you are about how hard he is working, how he never gets any downtime, doesn’t exercise so his health isn’t great, how his relationship with his lovely girlfriend is in trouble because he is so stressed all the time, how he missed grannie’s birthday (or whatever), and how although he earns a lot it just isn’t worth it.

grass is already ways greener!!!

They have decent careers that make them happy and will pay the bills. They may not be able to afford designer clothes, luxury holidays, a big house and new cars when/if they have children, but for many people, being in a job they enjoy but having fewer luxuries will be much better for their wellbeing than a job they hate with extra money for luxuries. Are you sure this isn't more to do with you wanting to keep up with your friends in bragging about DCs possessions rather than a genuine worry for your DC? Most parents would be incredibly proud of what your DC is doing.

The world would be a lot better place if more people share t**he same values as your son and his girlfriend.

He could still make Prime Minister...

He needs another job then?

They're happy and can afford the bills? That it winning at life.

Yabu. I work in a top corporate law firm and although wealthy, the vast majority of young lawyers are so stressed that they are making themselves ill. They routinely work 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week. Not worth it, your DS has been sensible and there are still pathways to good salaries in less commercial legal areas.

your son is happy in role he enjoys, with significant upside. He can move at any point to other legal roles, and maybe he might decide to do so the it suits him and the writing is more on the wall about what he can and cannot afford. But in the meantime, for goodness sake, stop worrying! You'll quick sharp become a very irritating mother who they don't want around them

I became a teacher, OP (my mother was absolutely thrilled, I should add). I expect you'd have been deeply disappointed. I worked in London for 15 years before moving north for my first headship. Partner (also a headteacher) and I were mortgage free after I'd been working for 18 years.

My mother remained absolutely thrilled by my achievements.

Your job is to support your child and be happy if they're happy.

This is like that other weird post where the mother is upset because her daughter only has a Civil Service job, and not the "Philosophy-adjacent" job that some of her friends have managed to secure. For crying out loud, why can't people be proud of their kids when they have obviously achieved plenty and are making their way in the world?

Some of us prefer peace and bit less money to long hours and more money.
And vice versa. Everyone is different and neither is some failure.

Why would you be panicking?

Get a grip honestly. This sounds like you’re disappointed as he’s given you insufficient parental bragging rights.

my nephew is 30 - your son is very fortunate - my nephew is working all hours with his girlfriend to get together a deposit for flat in London - no inheritance for him I won’t be able to leave him anything either - meanwhile he is sofa surfing! Plus holding down a job

OP i worked 6am -10pm for 35 years to please my mother.
Law degree, MBA and it nearly killed me.
I never saw my first dc and I developed autoimmune disease.
I wanted to be a human rights lawyer, i was advised agaist it. I went into business and retired at CEO level.
My DC are entirely different. My son is a civil servant, my DD a trainee forensic psychologist. Neither pays big.
They both say we wouldn't have done whst you did mum!

Life is for living. There are no pockets in a shroud!

It's entirely up to him to decide how he wants to live his life, what he wants out of life, how to fund it, and to cut his cloth accordingly. So long as he is currently able to do that, and has the abilities to adapt if circumstances change, I'd be pretty damned happy if he was my adult offspring. And proud. And supportive.

So he has a good job he loves, is living in his girlfriend’s flat rent free (so loads of time to save up) - sounds like he’s a lucky man!! It’s hard to find a job you love and I don’t think it pays that badly. Family homes aren’t always expensive in London, plenty of families live here. He will be absolutely fine.

“Wasting his talents”? What a cold, unpleasant way to see it. If he was shilling as a corporate lawyer for some wanker company he’d be actively making the world worse.

Speaking as someone who has made a poorly paid life trying to do good, I’m very happy. I could have made more money, lots of my friends did. But no midlife crisis here. I’ve justified my place on earth.