To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

[Calypos]

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

I wish I was passionate about the area of law I do. It's okay but I only became a solicitor because it was my dad's ambition for me and I couldn't think what else to do.

Good on your DS.

Snap! And agree completely

Your son sounds amazing. Principles, bright, hard working, you must be really proud.

[Mine wants to go down the IR/Law route as well but he’s a greedy little gloryhunter so no doubt that he will be after cash and kudos and he fondly
imagines himself swanning about being vair important. Scruples would be nice.]

Be thankful he is thriving and happy - many many parents will not see their child or children achieve this and can only dream of it

@DrinkFeckArseBrick- yes, I was going to mention the drugs. Cocaine is quite popular in those circles I think.

Many area of commercial practice are extremely boring and extremely stressful at the same time, and the money doesn't not make up for it.

I work in house and get a huge variety of work, it's much more interesting, I feel like I really help people and I have a great deal of autonomy. Last time I worked in a law firm in my early 40s I was three stone heavier, I thought I was having a heart attack at one point but it was stress and anxiety, and I wanted to throw myself in front of a car so I could have some time off and a lie down and be looked after. I did end up being ill and having surgery, with endometriosis and PCOS.

I could go back to a law firm and get paid 50% more tomorrow. It's not all about earning the most money you possibly can, it's about having your health and happiness. Some jobs pay well because they are horrible and golden handcuffs. More solicitors want to change career than any other profession.

Was he at Oxbridge?

Life is easier with money, there’s no doubt about it.

I often wonder whether I should be pushing my DC towards a good career or leave them to find their own way.

I have always focused on finding something that makes you happy, as you spend more time there than anywhere else.

But as I’m getting older I am wondering if I made a mistake. I really enjoy my job but it is crap money and always will be and if I’d done something different my life would be easier.

I understand your worry but I think your son sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders.
He has a decent career and a passion for his field - win:win.

I know many 30+ year olds who got a job in Tesco or McDonalds and just stayed put.
Nothing against those workers but they’re disposable careers.

Your DS will have so many open doors for him because of the choices he’s made.

Good for him. Civil liberties is a fantastic area to specialise in, and honestly? You can't build a career in law without at least some level of passion for your area of specialism. There are corporate / finance lawyers who love what they do, but an awful lot who went into it for the money and burnt out.

He will earn more as he gains experience, and if he is bright and in need of a fresh challenge in ten years, there are all sorts of things he can do - pick up a part time teaching role at a university, apply to the judiciary, move sideways into broader civil law etc.

Jeez, count your blessings. An intelligent educated child , pursuing a career he is interested in. Tiny violin for you ! If the relative poor remuneration for his chosen career is your biggest worry, then you are incredibly fortunate and might do better conserving your anxiety for real problems that might turn up in due course.

If that's all you've got to worry about I think you probably breathe a sigh of relief. Some people are desperate for a job, any job, and can barely afford to live in an HMO in Stafford. Never mind a free flat in central London?!

I would be bursting at the seams with pride if my son turns out like yours. Having done well academically, followed his passion into a career that helps others and didn't have any housing or real money worries. He sounds like a fantastic lad.

I would rather have my child living a happy, fulfilling life that gives him purpose, than slog and stress at something he hates for the bitter pursuit of wealth.

You are being unreasonable; it rather sounds like you would like to boast about having a high-earning son, as if earning more would make him more successful. Looking at other people's kids and their earnings is kind of weird.

This is a shocking thing to say:

"I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents."

Earnings do not necessarily correlate to 'talent' or to whether talent is used. He is already using his talents in a way he believes is the right route.

Your son and his partner chose what they feel makes them happy.

I’ve worked in corporate law for 30 years I wouldn’t wish being a London lawyer in the finance or regulatory field on my worst enemy most of them have no souls.

I agree, I mean surely using your talents purely for self enrichment, than making the world a better place, is far more of a waste? 😊

Jeez, I'm right with you on this OP. Surprised that so many people think you're BU. Still plenty of time for him to realise that passion and commitment to the cause don't pay the bills.

My dad is very similar to you OP. Your son will know he should have picked money over civil liberties and will thus always be a disappointment. The good news is he’s found a partner with similar purpose who is also fortunate enough to be mortgage free, so he can probably afford the therapy fees (even on his poor salary) when he battles if he goes into a more lucrative area or if he pushes himself to burnout to appease you.

My ex was a City lawyer. He was very miserable and didn’t have time to enjoy his money - which wasn’t actually that good when we were together. Sure, he had earning potential but at what cost? Not saying this is the case for all doing his sort of job but it is known for burnout, I believe.

Your son will have his reasons. We tend to look at our parents lives and values. Sometimes we decide they're the right ones for us too, and will help us lead satisfying lives. Sometimes we look at them, and feel the opposite, so make very different choices from the ones they made or would have us make. Both are valid.

It sounds to me that you only value people by how much they earn or the material possessions they own. You are being do unreasonable. Instead you should be proud of all that your son has achieved so far. I only hope you don't tell him how negatively you really feel about his situation.

Why are you not regretting your own choices instead? If you had gone into a lucrative profession you could have given him a lump sum to buy his own flat. Why did you not go into corporate law?

My family who work in that field are absolutely minted by my standards. But they aren’t any happier. They work crazy hours and they have insane outgoings to maintain their ‘high status’ lifestyle. Friends of mine who work in the human rights sector of law seem to earn enough to live a comfortable life and enjoy what they do - they do also work very hard!

its 2026, surely we all realise by now that earning the maximum amount possible isn’t the ultimate goal? Earning enough to be comfortable, having a good work life balance, being healthy mentally and physically, job satisfaction - these are the important things.

Work satisfaction is worth a lot. Also increases career longevity.

Yes, they might have to live somewhere less desirable if they settle down. Yes, if the relationship ends he might struggle but lots of that generation do.

I'd reflect on his acheivements and NEVER EVER let him know you feel this way. Or you might end up becoming a huge joke.

From pesonal experience, my grandparents once foolishly let slip that they thought I'd wasted my medical degree by not becoming a GP. They've been dead 10 years and my siblings and I still joke about my career failure as I'm only a mere hospital consultant.

But he can pay his bills? If he can’t then he can rethink but for now he’s fine and doesn’t have a lot of responsibilities and is doing important and valuable work. I genuinely cannot see why being rich is the only goal this OP wants for her child.

Is he Machiavellian? Cos you need to be Machiavellian I’d say borderline narc to succeed in the City.

I very much agree with you about the pay for criminal and other areas of publicly funded law.

I'd be bloody proud if I had a child who became a civil liberties lawyer. It's important work that benefits everyone, ultimately. They're one of the checks and balances that stop people being shat on by governments and big organisations.