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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

269 replies

Calypos · 09/01/2026 13:58

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 09/01/2026 16:15

I want to say "peak mumsnet" but feel like that is actually insulting to the rest of us.

Waitingfordoggo · 09/01/2026 16:17

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 09/01/2026 14:03

Well done for raising a young man who understands that there is more to life than money. Though it sounds like this was more by accident than design.

This.

I’d be beyond proud if either of my children was doing this. As it is, I very much doubt either of mine is going to make much money in life (not because they don’t have wonderful skills and talents to offer the world- just that their skills and passions are the sort that don’t tend to make people rich. I’m immensely proud of them nonetheless).

To get some perspective, I would recommend you watch Money Game 1, 2 and 3 on YouTube (by Ren- an incredibly talented and wise young musician).

TFImBackIn · 09/01/2026 16:19

I don't know why people are saying he owns a flat. He doesn't. His girlfriend does and if they marry and if she has any sense, she will safeguard that.

PurpleThistle7 · 09/01/2026 16:20

MayaPinion · 09/01/2026 14:04

You’re unhappy that your son has a career in an area that excites and fulfils him and lives in a mortgage free London flat? Is nothing good enough for you?

Indeed

If he isn’t asking you for money and is happy what exactly is the problem? Is he decides he wants to prioritise money later he has options. Or he will live a perfectly nice life without being rich.

My daughter is aiming for a job that interests her and serves her community. I’m proud of her.

MagicStarrz · 09/01/2026 16:21

You seem very money focussed

MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:21

TFImBackIn · 09/01/2026 16:19

I don't know why people are saying he owns a flat. He doesn't. His girlfriend does and if they marry and if she has any sense, she will safeguard that.

She's a hippy do gooder with loads money, he needs to strike before she becomes too pragmatic

Calypos · 09/01/2026 16:22

MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:21

She's a hippy do gooder with loads money, he needs to strike before she becomes too pragmatic

I absolutely do not want my son to take advantage of his girlfriend! How awful.

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 09/01/2026 16:22

@Calypos , I don't believe you said your son owns a property, but correct me if I'm wrong. I read that him living in that property is because he's in a relationship with a property owner.
If yes, I hope he's saving the money from not paying a mortgage, so he can some day own too.

I understand why you're worried. I'm in a low paying job and while I enjoy it, the bills need to be paid and it's a real stretch.

He doesn't need a lucrative career, but it wouldn't harm him to have a good paying one too; especially if they will indeed have a family. My daughter's expenses this month are ridiculous, and doesn't even include the basics. Life is expensive.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/01/2026 16:25

If you are worried about burn-out in your son's current field, you definitely wouldn't have wanted him in banking or corporate law, OP.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/01/2026 16:26

No mortgage
Solid career
Committed relationship.

Poor you, what a failure!!

Honestly, grow up. All the corporate lawyers I've ever met hated it and were burnt out early on in their career.

nondrinker1985 · 09/01/2026 16:27

Nobody wants the stress of law that you’re suggesting it ruins people and relationships with the stress, do what you love and love what you do. Trust me I’m living it

Comtesse · 09/01/2026 16:28

MasterBeth · 09/01/2026 15:56

Gutted for you that you have raised such a failure.

Yup boo hoo ….

X123x321X · 09/01/2026 16:30

He spends his days doing something that's important to him. I'm sure he can find his own way in life.

Skybluepinky · 09/01/2026 16:33

Not your circus not your monkeys, he loves his job so it’s none of your business.

Muddywelliescleansocks · 09/01/2026 16:33

Haven’t had chance to read whole thread so apologies in advance. I started out as a lawyer with a social conscience. The best years of my career, most fun, most impactful on the lives of others and society in general, mentally stretching etc. wouldn’t change it for the world. Became a real expert in my field. Various family factors meant I had to up my income and all that poorly financially paid work helped me move to a similar area of law and I’m now well paid at a respected firm working for corporate clients. When DC through school will hopefully return to my most rewarding area of law. Your son can do the same IF he decides he needs more income or can be the lucky one with the most fulfilling practice.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 09/01/2026 16:34

How have you got to the point where you feel disappointed and panicky that your son is succeeding and productive, and living happily? That's madness, try to stop thinking about it.

MissDoubleU · 09/01/2026 16:35

Why do you value his earning potential over his long term happiness and job satisfaction?

SwirlyGates · 09/01/2026 16:35

28 and no mortgage? I can't find any sympathy for his "low" pay, whatever that is.

Chiaseedling · 09/01/2026 16:36

My eldest DC did an art degree, I could only wish for a lower-paid legal eagle offspring.
Seriously though, they have to find their own path. Is he happy? Has he got good mental/physical health. Good friends? They are the more important things.

Anyahyacinth · 09/01/2026 16:37

My parents are like you OP...

They were marxists / active trade union officials as I grew up then background / unspoken disappointed I took my law degree, LPC into free representation across the years. I still bought a home, traveled etc...laughable when I was raised to despise the areas of law that would have pleased them...I guess for bragging rights

ArthriticOldLabrador · 09/01/2026 16:37

It’s not your life though, is it OP?

Irotoyu · 09/01/2026 16:38

It sounds like you’ve absolutely no idea of what civil liberty law involves but let me enlighten you a little bit, as someone who has worked in it. It involves advocating for the rights of vulnerable people, helping homeless people, people who have been wronged by public authorities, inquests, people whose lives have been changed forever by police misconduct, by social services failings, refugees, people who have suffered discrimination, people who have suffered life changing injuries, people who can’t pay for legal representation but desperately need it, people with severe mental illness, learning disabilities and trauma.

Your son is helping the most vulnerable members of society in this area of law. It’s social justice law. This area is actually dying because the government refused to fund it year after year. He’s doing a very noble and important and valued area of law. if you can’t see that, I think you are honestly materialistic and shallow.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/01/2026 16:39

The lawyers in the top corporate law firms in London that I know all have no life outside law, find balancing relationships, work and family nearly impossible, and there is rampant sexism and drug taking to keep up with the hours. You're paid the big bucks but expected to drop your weekend plans and sleep in the office where needed. Lots of people end up leaving to work for a lower salary

Vaguelyclassical · 09/01/2026 16:40

And today's prize for the Mumsnet poster unconsciously revealing their deep shallowness goes to Calypso.

Squrrol · 09/01/2026 16:42

Gosh your DS could post "why didn't my parents pick better careers and earn more so that I can afford a family home"

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