Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

when did you tell them? Whst is your relationship like now

Was it your turn to host them?

Hmm it's a bit off tbh. Were you up front about it? Why didn't you make one big group?

No obligation to continue the tradition, but friend is NBU to feel upset

Did you give plenty warning you were going to do something else? If not, YWBU

How much notice did you give that you were not available?

Well it's understandable as it does seem like you ditched them for someone else. Was it your turn to host? Couldn't you have just had them both over?

Also as PP asked when did you tell them this? If you've done this every year then they would understandably expect to be spending NYE with you until you tell them otherwise.

Couldn't you have invited them?

Had you actually committed to them specifically for this year then bailed when you got a better offer. Or was it just ‘tradition’ and you actually never confirmed this year

Oooh, awkward.

how and when did you tell them?
why is it suddenly not working for you any more?

we have friends we do a particular thing with yearly, and if they decided to go do the thing with someone else even though we were willing and able to attend as normal I’d be pretty pissed off I think.

Could you not have hosted both couples?

I can understand why they feel hurt and that they've been ditched for the new shiny friends.

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

And understandably so

Of course it’s ok to go and socialise with other people, but you could have told them and handled it better.

That's so rude - you should have been upfront with them back then. Such cowardly behaviour!

Why did you feel awkward?

Because it’s a group of new friends we’ve made not just 1 couple so it wouldn’t have worked to also include Friend and her DH

I was going to say it's fine, you don't need to do the same thing every year ... but your update changes that OP. You should have made it very clear that you had different plants this year rather than leave them hanging.

So when did you actually tell them OP? It does sound like you were inconsiderate and hoping they weren't going to mention it, which is a bit shitty as they obviously try thought they were spending NYE with you.

Who hosted last year? Them?

Why did you feel awkward? Because you had already decided to ditch them and didn't know how to tell them? That is awkward because you know you're hurting them and it's no wonder they aren't happy.

You made a choice and now your friends are justifiably hurt.

I think that’s very unkind behaviour. You should have been upfront and given them time to make alternate plans. It needn’t have been awkward just ‘we’ve been invited here this year so will do that instead.’

Did you tell them this?

If you felt awkward you must have realised they were going to be hurt why could you not have explained your longstanding arrangement with these other friends and included everyone.