Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

This is the moment where you could/should have been upfront and honest about it, but you chose to avoid it, knowing they enjoyed the 'tradition'.
Of course you're not obligated to do said tradition, or to always spend NY with them, but you should have been forthcoming with your friends. Personally I can see why they may be upset.
How did they find out? After the fact? This would have felt like a slight on them for sure.
Also I saw that you replied to someone else that the other friends are new and "it wouldn't have worked to include friend and DH", but really you could have introduced/invited/included them but you didn't want to.

What I find sad, is that the friends might have bought special foods in, then prepared it all, for OP and husband to just not turn up. Such an expense, and waste of money.

Hasn't got the bottle.

Rather shit form from you guys. You should have let them know. WTF did you expect.

Unfortunately I have been in a similar situation, I went to a festival one year with a friend, we did say we would try and go every year together. Unfortunately she spent quite a lot of time on her phone and I did comment 'oh your popular today' I got back oh yeah checking on son but it was constant messging and it seemed she was messaging a friend not her mum or ex who had the child. We got to the following year and she mentioned booking for that one and another that I wanted to go with my husband to. I said I want to go with husband to xbut can go with you to other, she wasn't happy. Maybe I should have been more informative 🤔 sorry this has happened but you can learn from it.

Not the same, you told her you didn't want to go with her to one, OP didn't, she just dropped her friend.

I don't think that's the same if you only went to a festival once and then changed your mind about the following year. OP and these friends had plans together for several years before OP decided to ditch them and not even let them know.

If you are still reading OP could you come back and tell the posters who have given up their time to answer you, on a thread you started. What you have done to put this right with your true friends?

If you've spent time with these friends for a number of years then I can understand they would just assume plans were for you to spend time together on NYE & if you've not said anything otherwise then I can see why they're upset. Why couldn't you have asked them to join you with your new friends? Why didn't you let them know earlier that this year you'd not be seeing them, then at least they would be able to make other arrangements if they chose to. To save any further upset I'd let them know your plans well in advance for next NYE so as not to cause any confusion again.

Could you have taken your friends with you on NYE? Seems the obvious thing to me.

OP said that it wouldn't have worked @HandmadeNanna . Not sure exactly why not unless they were invited to one of the new friends' parties? If they went to a public event, it could have been the ideal solution. OP dpesn't seem that bothered about completely letting her friends down - or returning to this thread.

@TraitorsSandwich Because it’s a group of new friends we’ve made not just 1 couple so it wouldn’t have worked to also include Friend and her DH

And there lies the problem. They said we’ll host this year and you didn’t say actually would you mind if we didn’t get together this year as we’ve had another invite and wed like to do something a bit different this year.
and reassure them that you’d spend next year with them.

Mothership4two, I have different groups of friends. We have never had a problem mixing the groups. However, I have found that people have differing attitudes to life in general and can't adapt to, what appears to them, to be an insurmountable situation.
It's sad that friendships can go sour because of lack of communication and empathy.
I trust that we can all look at these problems on mumsnet and learn from them in our own lives.

Op, how are things with your friend now? Did you apologise or try to make amends?

dropped this thread like she's dropped her friends!!

You treated your friends really badly. I wouldn't bother with you again.

She's had her arse handed to her so I doubt we will hear from her again. Hopefully her friends find some real friends to socialise with

Definitely should have mentioned sooner. This was done to us by my brothers family. For years we took turns having a dinner for new years. One year at Christmas lunch I asked who's turn it was that year to be told oh we're doing something else now.
OK fine but would have been nice to know as it left it too late to organise anything else as everyone now had plans.
All good but then when their new best friends weren't around anymore we weren't either.
So if you ditch people for the shiny new don't run back when the new best friends are no longer in the picture.
Really don't like people who dump others for new besties that often last all of 5 minutes.

Me neither Minnie.