Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

I would be well pissed off with you. You’ve dumped longstanding old friends for a new set. I’d be very hurt if I was on the receiving end of that behaviour

I’ve met your sort of “friend” before. Hope they block you and move on.

@TraitorsSandwich The OP (whose name is really apt) ghosts people as they are gutless cowards. They ghost friends, now they ghost their own thread. Imagine being such a cowardly ghost. Pathetic. Truly pitiful.

This sums it up - come on OP show a bit of contrition!
Then send your ‘friends’ a huge bunch of flowers with a letter that tries to explain your cowardly custard behaviour.
However you deserve to be ignored!

Oh wow!!!!! What a dreadful thing to do. Just out of interest,why "wouldnt it have worked" to include them .Not good enough any .more?
Fancy, starting the New Year with such an unkind act.
No wonder they were annoyed..
If I were that couple 'I wouldnt look the road you were on again.! '
Talk about shallow!!

You are definitely being unreasonable. No wonder they are hurt. I hope you had fun with your shiny new friends! You should have been open and honest early on to give them plenty of time to plan something else, it wouldn’t have been that hard, you’re not obliged to socialise with the same people.

I don't think OP is coming back - this is now 20 pages of being told she's an absolute arse!

My 2p's worth - why on earth didn't she invite the old friends along to the evening with the new friends?

Just explain to the new friends about the tradition, and bring them along. NYE is meant to be a party, the more the merrier!

Yeah @TraitorsSandwich seems to have vanished. I doubt she’ll return.

Not surprised though, this is exactly the (lack of) response I’d expect from someone who lacked the courage and maturity to tell her friends she wasn’t going to be celebrating with them this year.

Yes, you ditched them. And even after a long thread where most apps have told you this, you don’t see it.

You haven’t been a good friend, and your justification makes you sound as though you’re 12.

So, did you just not turn up?

Blend the groups

I don't know why everyone's bothering, OP hasn't been back for two days.

Let's hope that something karmic is going on and that's why she's bailed

Being excluded is never nice, especially when this was an established tradition and they ended up spending NYE alone.

You saying they said the tradition was nice while it only “worked for you until now” does make it sound like they were always a placeholder until something better came along.

Your explanation “it wouldn’t have worked because it was a group of new friends rather than one couple” makes no sense either, groups mix all the time.

No one is saying NYE plans are exclusive, but honesty would have been far kinder than quietly dropping them. Your friend isn’t wrong to feel hurt.

I think you come across as a bit unkind - if you are bored with this couple’s company be open about it - you both took the cowardly way out and didn’t communicate your plans - I can only hope you are not on the receiving end of this treatment by your new ‘friends’ as they may bore with you too by next year - you chose also not to include them in a wider group or offer them this option so you judged them not worthy of a new wider friendship group and experience- it saddens me that kindness & thoughtfulness is second these days and people are growing more self absorbed … the world is getting greyer by the day …

Better still just have friends and don't divide them into groups. It's not a student society.

I'm curious what happened to say "up to this year it worked for us too"

That is really poor behaviour, no wonder your friend is upset. Before reading this I selected YNBU - pity Mumsnet doesn’t allow a change of vote. You should have told your friend as soon as you made alternative plans, never mind waiting for them to invite you. Then to ignore them is really unkind, your friend is totally within her right not to speak to you ever again.

You can change your vote as long as the vote is still open - which it currently is.

I changed mine from YANBU to YABU as well when I’d read her updates.

You’re not a very nice friend. The least you could have done is let them know so they could have made other arrangements.

I hope your new friends do the same to you this year.

Sounds like as you never told them otherwise they you were discussing it, they thought you were going to be spending NYE with them!

You should have told your original friends that you couldn't spend NY with them as soon as you knew.

Equally you could have said to your new friends, we always spend NY with X and Y, could they come too?

Or are your shiny new friends just better than your old one and you are embarrassed by the old ones now?

Nothing wrong with wanting to do something different but you handled it very poorly!

I would have been so upset by this. Yes your friend is right to feel 'Dumped' It will be up to her if she feels she doesn't to have any more to do with you.

OP's not been back I see

Such bad behaviour.