Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

Yeah, that was a really shitty thing to do. You should have told them and the. They would have at least had the chance to make other plans. Unbelievably selfish of you to just leave them hanging and sort your own night out.
Can you really not see this?

That’s really shit. Dropping good long term friends for new shinier ones is a dick move. Not telling them and acting awkward and secretive about it is another.

So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again

That's beyond rude.

To not even have the manners to tell them you were ditching them for a better offer is horrendously rude, I wouldn't be surprised if your friendship ends of it.

I wouldn't be bothered about someone ditching for NyE, but I don't do friendships with people with no manners or respect and that was horrid of you.

You're very clearly in the wrong here, especially after your update about "feeling awkward" and not even telling them.

You felt awkward because you knew it was a shitty thing to do to your friends and that they would be hurt.

So you abandoned them for a better offer and didn't have the courage to even tell them that you were making other plans?

I mean, you aren't obliged to spend New Year with anyone just because that's how you have celebrated in previous years, but you've made it pretty clear that neither you nor your DH value this friendship at all, so it is hardly surprising that your friends are upset with you. Hopefully, they will be able to find some better friends this year!

We’re the other group hosting, not you?

and you and DH need to grow up. They tried to sort plans and you just didn’t say anything. You could’ve just said you were doing something different. It’s really not that hard.

the fact you got awkward means you know you should’ve just said something. Very childish way to treat friends

Choosing to change the tradition is fine, but not the way you have gone about it!
Its really shitty to have just left them hanging and not said anything.

Of course she’s annoyed. You both handled this badly. And you know it! If you’d been grown up and just said to them in advance “sorry, we’re going to do something different this year, how about we get together in January” it would have been fine!

Don’t get on the defensive. Just apologise and rescue the friendship.

Why would it not work? I've had parties where I've invited friends from different groups, and everyone has rubbed along just fine.

No wonder your old friends are pissed off, you've handled this terribly.

That’s shit of you guys

Were you worried that your new friends would really like your older friends?
Main character syndrome comes to mind.

Are you serious - i would absolutely ditch you and your husband as friends - you made new plans and didnt even have the courage to tell your 'old' friends? Are you both 16? Awful way to behave to friends - i hope your new friends know they will be ditched soon when you get bored... and i hope your old friends find people who value them.

Exactly.

it’s such an easy fix. They could’ve included them in a group setting. Or at least asked.

It sounds like you were evasive with your friends despite the long term arrangement and then excluded them from a group get together. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have been included. Surely if it was a group it would have been easier to include your old friends, not harder? There were more people to mingle with.
It sounds like you spitefully dropped your old friends, spitefully excluded them from the new arrangement, and are now looking to mumsnet to justify it.
Think how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

Oh that's terrible

Your poor friend

I really hate it when people aren't upfront. You had an opportunity to tell them and you wimped out. This is what causes the bad feeling. Curious as to why they couldn't be included?

I voted YANBU but having read your further comment I think you handled it very badly by not having the guts to let them know your plans didn’t involve them.

You and your DH sound like children.

Really poor behaviour.

Smells like a reverse this.

You did ditch them for new friends, which you are allowed to do of course, but friend is within her rights to have been hurt (shes hurt not annoyed) at being dumped.

Argh, not very kind behaviour from you and your DH, OP. Pretty mean.

Why did you feel awkward a few months ago? It sounds like you knew then you didn't want to spend NYE with them and should have told them then. When did you tell them? Or dud you just ignore them?

'So we just never confirmed it this year - they mentioned hosting to us a few months ago but DH & I felt awkward so we didn’t really say anything about it and they didn’t ask us again'

That's where things went pear shaped. You & DH should have been honest & possibly involved them in your plans. I wouldn't have mentioned it again & taken Umbrage TBH

They spoke about it months ago and you just ignored them??? You knew well before NY you will be spending it with your new friends. Yeah you and your DH are shit friends.

I think you didn't include old friends in case new friends preferred them to you - which frankly seems pretty likely.