Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

It does seem a bit of a shit thing to do. I would've hosted and invited both sets of friends rather than ditch one set for the other.

Why not? Seems a bit weird that you feel you have to keep them separate?

Anyway, I voted YABU as it sounds like you just ditched your friends without even telling them you were changing your plans.

You are adults. You should be able to consider other people's feelings and have respect for their time even if it's a little bit awkward to say, sorry, we've made other plans this year.

Agreed!

It does sound very much like this was a 'thing' you guys did. And this year, now you have new friends, you have just ditched them.

Sounds a bit shitty to me and your friend is hurt.

How would you feel if they suddenly did NYE with a group of new friends and left you and your DH out?

I think this is a reverse because you sound so awful. But yes YABU for not at least letting them know your established tradition was going to change, and also for not inviting them to the new group NYE meet.

It's hard to believe that someone can have so little emotional intelligence that they don't realise that this is deeply cunty behaviour but here we are.

Why not? Seems a bit weird that you feel you have to keep them separate?

I have a feeling the OP views her original friends as being a bit "common" and thinks the new ones are a step up.

Yep YABU - do you not understand your behaviour?

I think you are in the wrong here. You did it regularly for some time and then just went it’s another group without clear communication.
If I were your friends I would be hurt.
I think if it was ok you would tell them. You didn’t discuss it openly as you felt that it wasn’t ok.

This was mean behaviour.
So you didn't tell them at all that you were making other plans, just let them think for months you were coming over as per previous years. If you'd said at this point that actually you've already been invited to something else this year and could you see them for drinks during Twixtmas or a walk on NYD etc instead then you'd have avoided so much hurt on her behalf.
Of course you aren't forced into seeing them for every NYE until you die but you call this woman a friend and you haven't treated her like one.

I think at this point you should have said you were not available this year

This is unusual, its NYE? Surely all sorts of couples can be together even if they're not friends. I think if you hosted you should've invited them 100%. We've been to lots of do's where we didn't know some of the other couples and had no issues..?

This is a reverse, right? Please tell me this is a reverse.

Ooooof

You and your DH suuuuuck.

This HAS to be a reverse!!!

You should have told them. That was the right thing to do. You can celebrate as you like but should have let them know considering you knew months before.

Yes, I think you were pretty crap friends to be honest.

I think thats a bit shitty. What was wrong with having a conversation with them?

It was clear the expectation was you would be together, why couldn't you say otherwise so they could make alternative plans?

Considering you had been doing it alternate years for a while, you should have been clear. It was rather cowardly to just not say anything. They could have made other plans if you had spoken up.

So you knew they wanted to spend NY with you as you always do, you and your DH were too cowardly to tell them months ago so they could make other plans, and now you want to know if YABU?

Absolutely. And I'm sure if you admitted it to yourselves you would have felt the same if the roles were reversed. You should have told the truth when they asked.

That's a bit mean, you should have mentioned it when they did, let's hope your new friends don't dump you as quickly.

Your friends have every right to be upset - I would be! You can't just do that when you have a long standing arrangement each new year. You should have either stucked to regular friends or included them with new friends.

You're bang out of order OP with a weak character. Your friend deserves better.

Sounds like you handled it badly

So you didn't actually tell them you weren't going? Because you felt 'awkward'? Yes you're shitty friends and you should feel bad!

This thread isn't going the way @TraitorsSandwich wanted it to. Very apt user name.