To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

No, that was a really nasty thing to do.

She shouldn't have done it but you could still have named your child the same if you loved that name or made it a middle name

Come at it from a different angle. Pretend to have decided you massively prefer your 2nd choice of name and thank her, telling her she did you a huge favour and that she helped you avoid making a big mistake.

IF she was being petty it'll annoy her. If she wasn't and she just loved the name, she won't care.

If your sister had told you before you said anything that she really liked the name what would you have done? Perhaps she's always liked the name too.

At the time I can imagine feeling cross but it’s a year on! Enjoy those babies and let go of the anger.

I think it's a shitty thing to do. If no one owns a name, she wouldn't have been annoyed then if you'd chosen the same one would she...!?

She only had one name to avoid, and she didn't do that or presumably do you the courtesy of explaining why (eg its a traditional name in her husbands family)

Normally these threads are about a hypothetical future child, so nobody can really have dibs on a name for them. But in this case, given you were already pregnant and so had named a child who was actually on the way, I think she’s done a really shitty thing here. However, you won’t want it to taint anything about your lovely baby now, so try to forget the name and see her as the name you’ve chosen for her. While at the same time thinking very much less of your sister than you did before.

If you are getting a pet in the future use the name.

She's a cunt. Sorry to be blunt but she is! I'm guessing your family will have taken her side as well to keep the peace.

I know you felt you had to call your child something else which is a shame. Change it, or if you can't just start using it, you can always put "known as" for school etc. My grandparent is called something completely different to what is on their birth certificate, not even close to their original name!

If she moans; "You were well aware of my intention to call DC this name for a very long time, if it makes you uncomfortable then you shouldn't have taken it"

Your sister is a cowbag for sure but it's time to let go and if you have another child don't tell her your favourite names.

You loved the name and wanted to use it, but from the sound of things so did she, if that's the name she picked for her dc.

I don't really buy the "I thought of the name first" principle. It's a big decision, picking a name, so I don't think the rule of "dibs" applies.

You could have still used the name. It sounds like your dsis was willing to both use the name, since she couldn't have known that you wouldn't still use it.

when you say last year do you mean you have a two week old baby or a 1 year old? I think your timeline for getting over it is important.

if it's still fresh, then yanbu, it's all new and it will take some time for DD to fit into her name.
if it's been a year and you're still unhappy with the name and upset with your sister, you need to look at what else is going on. is this a pattern of her trying to steal your joy? is she the favourite child? do you feel she always gets the best?

agree with others, I'd definitely move to "actually, I'm glad we named her Tiana instead of Belle, she fits Tiana so well, I couldn't imagine as anything but our Titi now!"

My oldest GC and my youngest have the same name.

So - the sisters named their babies the same. They just laughed about it.

No-one cares a jot about it. We just call them Big T and Little T.

Call your child whatever you wish and do not give another thought to your nephew's name - it is totally irrelevant.

My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name.

Did you tell her you were going to use it though?

Love that idea @NigellaAwesome definitely get a pet rat and call it her child's name 🤣
She knew what she did, she is not to be trusted, see her for who she is don't trust her with any information that could be used against you.
I bet she's a CF in other aspects as she obviously doesn't value you and is probably talking about playdates (dumping her child on you and not returning the favour), so I'd knock these favours on the head early.

You're not unreasonable. It was a cunty thing for her to do. I would've still given my baby the name I loved.

Really shitty thing to do, no doubt about that !

Had she discussed any names with you? Just throwing her a bone that maybe they'd also had it shortlisted but weren't sharing their name choices and she just didn't think anyone would mind. When choosing a more common name it's likely there will be few of them about and that doesn't bother everyone.

Remember about 20 years ago my sister was pregnant and we were all talking about names we like. I mentioned two I'd always loved that are family names for me (we have different dads) and then about a month later she announced the boys name I'd mentioned would be her chosen boy name. I was a bit miffed tbh. Much later she said her and her DH hadn't really known where the name came from but they heard it 'somewhere' and both liked it so went with it. Lesson learned for me, don't share baby names! Might accidentally inspire people and they don't even really realise they're 'stealing' your name.

It's one of those things with tons of plausible deniability and very easy to turn back on you as petty and pathetic but yes... it's shitty.

A very dear friend of mine confided her very favourite baby name to me when we were both pregnant. Heartbreakingly, she miscarried. She had no way of knowing that it was a name I had always loved too. And she still doesn't know, because I didn't use it even though I loved it. There are other beautiful names.

Why didn’t you use the name? More than one person can have the same name you know, even in the same family🤷‍♂️

I would still have used the name . I picked the name I wanted for my son, many years before I actually had him. I would still have named him that name regardless of who had used it before me.

I think I'd have still used the name! But yes that is unreasonable of her!

She’s a dick but honestly if you loved the name I would have just used it. Yeah it might have been confusing but no more confusing than people who give their kids the name of one of their parents.

YWBU not to say something at the time.

We have two males in the family with the same first name. But one goes by his middle name and always has done. It avoids confusion.
Your sister has done a Twat trick here. But it's done now.
I would be tempted to get a pet and name it after the original name 🐍 🐀 🐟 but I'm a bit petty 😆

We nearly had the same thing happen to us. I always wanted a certain name if we had a boy and my husbands friend and his wife declared they were using that name, as they liked the sound of it and their son was arriving before ours. I didnt stand for it, put my foot down and said no, that's always been our babys name, and you KNOW it. They didn't use my fave name as a first name, but instead they used it as a middle name. 🙌 we gave birth a liyyle while after them, and both boys suit their chosen names.
Your sister is a twat.