To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

You should of used the same name, very wrong of sis, as you go thru life you see how people let you down, be cautious with her in future♥️

Why didn't you just give your child the name you wanted.She clearly disregarded your wishes/intention to use that name why did you respect her choice? There is nothing wrong with two relatives having a same name. When your child grows up you can say what was the reason behind it.
In fact - you should change your child's name to be what you set your heart on. I believe that names also bring certain 'luck' with them - stick with what you felt is right for your child.
Why did you give up - I honestly don't understand.

So I am a child that had their name stolen.

My Mum told her best friend my first and middle name choice. They were both expecting girls. My first name was chosen as my Mum’s favourite Bible name (My gran was VERY religious and needed to be kept happy!) and my middle name was my Nan’s middle name. So all very specific.

Her friend had her baby first and stole BOTH names!! Needless to say they did not stay friends for long and my Mum still called me what she had chosen.

Flash forward about 11years and the friend tried to build bridges with my Mum. They agreed to have a catch-up around their house and I already knew the story. When I was left to play with ‘my name ‘Usurper’,she tried to tell me that I was named after her. I was so mad and soon put her right!! She went down in flames😂

Poor girl she was the one hurt the most by it. Now I’m an adult I feel sorry for her as her Mum didn’t have enough imagination to pick something special for her. Needless to say I didn’t tell anyone my daughter’s name until she was born!!

That's what cousins are!

My best friend called her son the same name as mine. There was a big age gap though. I was slightly perturbed but didn’t let it affect our friendship.

OP - lesson learnt, don’t discuss names! She was out of order. I would have been tempted to still use the name but see why you didn’t.

If you really love the name then you should still call child Alice. Does it matter if there are 2 Alice in family. One of my siblings called her son C and a few months later one of my DH’s siblings had a son and also called him C. So we have 2 nephew’s called C. No big deal.

Love this, especially if an animal breed she dislikes.

Both my daughter and my son called their girls the same name. They have different middle names. She could quite easily have used the same name really, and given her baby a middle name too.

What about 'Alicia' or 'Eliece'?

That’s so unfair and nasty of your sister.

I’d make sure to tell your sister how relieved you are now that you didn’t choose it. Some believe that Carroll’s predilection for small girls, particularly his fixation with seven year old Alice was at best unhealthy and at worst….I don’t need to explain.

Have a read

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/oct/29/gender.uk

Yeah it a dick thing to do. Even if she like the name too, you could have at least tossed a coin for it! I think it's less about the name and more about the way she handled this. Pretty sneaky.

Can you please explain how are her mother feelings trumping her own in this particular case.
Such a small minded excuse: 'oh what will the family say or think' Who cares!!

When my sister was pregnant she said her husband really loved a certain name, me and my husband knew we would call our next child this name IF we ever had another daughter. So my sister steered her husband away from that name so that we could use that name on the off chance we ever had another child. Now that is sisterly love!! Me and my sister adore each other, it seems your sister is a bitch! We indeed had another girl and used the name and I'm always grateful for my sister doing this.

Sister sounds very nasty. She knew you loved the name.
I’d limit contact, as you have had problems in the past with her.

If you have another girl, call her Alice. IMO you should have gone ahead and called your dd Alice anyway - and if/when people said anything about 2 Alices, you could have just said well I had planned to use the name since I was little myself so I did.

If your child isn't very old, I would rename them the name you love now. They don't live together, so don't worry about it. And if you get stick from her or your parents, push back, hard. Don't live regretting it.

Be very sure to never share any names again with your sister. Nasty behaviour and I don't blame you feeling upset.
No point bringing it up. Enjoy your baby and keep your preferences more guarded where your sister is concerned.

I know a family, two brothers and their wives, both expecting. One made known her baby boy's name well in advance, really everybody knew. Her SIL gave birth first, called and asked "would you mind if we used [that exact name] because we can't think of another one". She did mind. When she gave birth she still gave that preferred name to her baby boy. Indeed, both little boys have now the same first name ...... and the same surname - their fathers being brothers. When people ask, the ridicule is on the SIL who stole the name - because who can't think of a name for their baby other than one chosen by somebody else????

Alice is a nice name.but tbh I've known some right weird Alice's, I think you dodged a bullet by picking a different name

This. Maybe your sister had always wanted to use that name too.
Could you have used a different version like Alison or Alyssa? Too late now anyway if it was last year - you must have been able to choose another name. Be glad if your child is happy and healthy.
(But can see you'd think twice about trusting your sister!)

If you really liked the name you should’ve used it too. I know best friends who called their sons the same name because they both liked it.

Easy for your sister to say ‘get over it’ when she has used the name of your dreams. I’m so sorry and I would be super upset too - it’s hard enough when friends do it but your sister prioritised her desire for the name over your feelings and that makes her a selfish cow. I appreciate there are lots of names out there but if you had your heart set on this one I feel bad for you. Congratulations on your baby x

Never trust your sister again.

I have a name which I love and would loved to have had a 2nd child (unfortunately never happened) and used it , can be either a boy or girls name.
Ive been a teacher for 16+yrs and have never known a child with it, think its more popular in USA.
I was talking to a pregnant colleague several yrs ago when she said she had a few names she loved and it was one of them.

More than 1 person can love a name and I know you told her but it could also have been her 1st choice but she kept hadn't voiced it.

It would be different if you where planning to use the name for a hypothetical future child but you where using for the baby you have had and that’s really fucking low and mean of her I don’t know what her motive was behind doing it. But I agree with a previous poster if you ever get a pet in the future I strongly suggest you use the name.

Your sister is rude and selfish. To those not getting the point the OP was going to name her baby that name. OP was pregnant too and had picked the name and her sister knew it. Her sister happened to have had her baby first and just took the name. A kind sister would have said I love it too, do you mind. She knew it would upset OP so she didn't tell her and acted like a snake. This isn't about loving the same name, it is about deceit.

My god some of you must treat your siblings appallingly to think this is okay. What is the point of family when they treat you like this? OP doesn't have to get over it. Her sister is completely in the wrong and being entitled about it now.