To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

Your feelings are completely valid. It’s such a bizarre thing to do. I can’t ever fathom doing that, no matter how much I loved the name. It just seems such a nasty, spiteful thing to do.

Would it have been terrible to have used the name too? My husband's family use the same name repeatedly (Maria) for religious reasons.

Not for the mumsnet crowd. Someone daring to use the same name would be called a snake, a cow, spiteful and not to be trusted. And they are not the worst things I’ve seen on this thread. No wonder mumsnet is full of family fallouts and bad feeling.

Your sister has not taken away this name for you. She just happens to also like it and has used it for her child. There was absolutely nothing to stop you using it for your child - nothing whatsoever. This is all complete nonsense.

No-one owns a name - anyone can use it.

Its total arse - you don't own a name. If you like it - then use it.

Yes, my cousin Small Tony is 6 ft 4". His father, Big Tony, is a mere 5 ft 10".

I was at university with a Sad David, because his girlfriend dumped him in the first term, and you would see him sinking pints and looking suicidal in the college bar. All the other Davids were (comparatively) happy.

Yep, I would’ve done the exact same. I wouldn’t have given two fucks.

Sad David 😂😂😂

I wonder how many posters really would have still used the name just a month later?

Perhaps it might depend on how much time they were likely to spend together?

If my sister knew I had my heart set on a name there's no way she would use it. Not nice at all. Xxx

The children who are cousins won’t have a life completely together so why does it matter ? You should have chosen the name you love . The Americans especially often have the same name even in the same family eg father John and son John junior . Your two are just cousins !

happened to me . I told my ex sister in law and she said it was a horrible thing to do . was glad to get that validation as someone else said to me stop being jealous . I was hurt as my cousin stole my baby name after talking to me about not knowing what to call her child . My baby name at that time was our grandmothers name . I was in floods of tears but just let it go , I never said anything to her . I thought that I would have been lambasted for doing so by her and another dominant extended family member .She acted like nothing had happened and that she hadn’t stole my baby name, I never put it to her that she had. She got congratulated by my grandparents. After some years had passed , my Taid ( Taid is welsh for grandad ) congratulated my cousin again saying that she had been the only one to call her child after his wife or himself . ( there are many great grandchildren ). I kind of adored my Taid . My grandparents never knew , and I didn’t go on to have children . But there’s lots more that my grandparents didn’t know besides, how I wanted to pay homage to them - big time.

I reckon you should just let it go . ( I did)

This has gone on quite a bit with a boys name in my family . It’s celebrated that there are a few grandchildren called Daniel

I think it’s just the fact that my cousin acted like it was her original thought in paying homage to my grandmother and she let everyone think that .

On the other side of my family there’s a few grandchildren boys with the same name , which is great , but no one stole an original idea about paying respect , paying homage and wanted everyone else to think it was their ideawithout even saying anything to the other family member who they got the idea from , and then went on to lap up all the praise for it.

Me too! I would have been frothing with rage but I would have very determinedly used the name I was going to use, regardless. I feel angry on your behalf OP.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. My husband has 7 first cousins with the same first name as him. Three of my MIL’s sisters-in-law had the same name as her. Organising the seating at the wedding was a challenge. Let them be. Just do what you want.

I thought I had the perfect name, thought it was just original enough, DS got to school and he was one of 4 and I’ve since kind of gone off the name. Now they’re giving him random nicknames I loathe. Maybe it didn’t work out for a reason! You can still go off the name after it’s decided. It was rude but I bet you’ll feel smug about it at some point over the next few years just you wait x

She was definitely unreasonable. Could you give your DD an extra middle name of Alice? (I think it's relatively easy to add a name). There's a reasonable chance that she won't be close to her cousin in adulthood and may wish to have an alternative name later on (e.g. starting uni).

Your Sister might have loved the name for a long time too but never mentioned it to you. Are you upset with everyone that has named their child that name? No, then why be upset with your Sister?
When my DS & DDIL had their first child they loved a name my DD has always loved & said many a time that she'd call her child it when the time comes. Anyway DS & DDIL couldn't agree on any other name so they spoke with DD & asked her how'd she'd feel if they used the name. My DD was so in love with her first Nephew that she said she be happy for them to name him her favourite name. We tell people now that she 'gifted' her Nephew his name.