To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

I don't blame you for being upset. That was a dick move.

My cousin had her baby three weeks before me, and used the name I had told everyone we had named our baby (we knew the sex). I just went ahead and used the name anyway. She had some lame excuses about why she did it but they were all bs.

In our family we have cousins, nieces and nephews with the same name. Personally I would have preferred my daughter to be the only one with her name but a great niece20+ years younger and the other side of the world does. I take it as a compliment. You should just have chosen it too if it meant that much to you.

Hopefully now you have said something you can process it a bit and move on from it.

I do understand why you're upset, but I also think if she'd posted here when deciding what name to choose, plenty of posters would have egged her on to use the name anyway. But the key point is that a year has passed and there is nothing either of you can do about it, so for your own sake and your daughter's you need to make peace with it.

Like PPs I have cousins with the same first name.

Genius idea.

Why didnt you just use it?

Lots of families have cousins with the same name

I think I would have just used the same name of I loved it that much, especially if it's reasonably popular. For most of history there were fewer names in regular use and it was not at all uncommon for cousins to have the same name. I'm guessing they wouldn't have had the same surname if you are two sisters? (Not saying that's right or wrong, just the way things often are.)

Since you have now gone with a different name, I wouldn't say you don't have the right to feel resentful still, but it is probably in your best interests to try to put it out of your mind. You can't do anything about it now and the more you dwell on it, the more it will bug you. Choose not to let it!

Cousins can have the same name.

Did the other parent have any say in your DC’s name?

USE THE NAME.

I'd have still used it but you cant turn back time.

As it is if your baby is under 1 I would change it now and just go with any weord family pushback ie your mum

I dont find same names weird though... as context I have 5 cousins all called james. It wasnt confusing as children and certainly not confusing as adults.

Love love love the pet idea!!!!

Honestly I’m not sure. I’ve said YANBU because on the face of it you aren’t. But she gave the name to her child right, so it was obviously her favourite name too. Does vocalising your preference give you more rights to choose the name? I don’t actually think it should.

The right thing to do now is to post the name and we can all tell you how horrible/chavy/pretentious it is and how the one you chose instead is so much nicer.

Did you, at any point, tell her this was the name you were using? Did you have a general chat around “thats a lovely name, and that’s a lovely name”

The posters on her calling her a:
Cunt
Twat
Cow
Shitty
Selfish
Dick
Awful
Sneaky
etc

based in half a story, might want to have a word with themselves

Yes I always made it clear I wanted this name in particular. Maybe she did want it too but she never spoke about it.

Some people will say nooone owns a name etc and whilst that is true I think what she did was awful, that the name you had planned on using was the only name she liked? I doubt it. If she chose it to get at you then they suggests there is something very wrong in your relationship with her.

Well, we all know no-one owns a name, but it is a bit mean to take the name you know your sister was going to have for her baby.

BUT @Snowberryfields why oh WHY did you tell her the name you were going to use?!

DH and I never told a soul what name we were going to give our baby(s.) One of my cousins who is an attention seeking bint, would totally have stolen any name I had. She kept asking me what name we were gonna use (with our first,) and I kept giving her fake ones. She was like I don't think she believed me. She got pregnant a few weeks after I said I was (she already had 2, a boy and a girl aged 10 and 8) but still had to to be pregnant the same time as me. 🙄)

She was 4 months behind me. DH and I had our baby and called her Sophia, and when HER (3rd) baby was born - also a girl - she said she is calling her Sophia. I was like 🙄 However, her mum, dad, siblings, and our gran, and most people around her laughed at her, and said 'what the fuck Tracey, you can't give her the same name as Zov's baby, that's lame!' 😂

She decided on Sasha.

(Not real names obvs!)

It was shitty of her but it’s time to move on from
it now, that’s now her child’s name and it’s done with. Presumably you named your child something different. Pointless dwelling on it all now.

She’s a cow. You should’ve used it anyway.

She got pregnant a few weeks after I said I was (she already had 2, a boy and a girl aged 10 and 8) but still had to to be pregnant the same time as me. 🙄)

Really? She got pregnant purely because you were?

Yanbu to feel upset, she was out of order. Unless when you told her she had said “oh no, that’s the name we’ve chosen too”.

I’d have still used the name I loved though. If people ever question why I’d say “you’ll have to ask Sarah - I’d told her we had chosen this name and then she decided to choose it too”.

That was my thought.

It was shitty of her do, unless she had previously told you she loved the name too and was going to use it.

I’d have still called my baby that anyway regardless of her baby coming first, if I had set my heart on it.

No you aren't your sister is a cow. If the situations were reversed and you did that to her I can guarantee she'd be complaining.

Her name was going to be Alice. I’ve loved the name since I was little when I watched Alice in Wonderland.

I miss the days that everyone had the same name as their cousin.
“fat carol” and “skinny carol”. “Little pete” “medium Pete” “big Pete”.

My grandfather, father, cousin and great grandfather all had the same name and my great grandfather was a small man but was known as big Tony because he was the eldest despite being a shade over 5ft

This is why we didnt tell anyone our baby names until they arrived

She was being shitty, as well as lazy and unoriginal. Sorry.

If fathers and sons can have the same name so can cousins. If you have another use it and don’t blink an eye.