To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

As someone who was named the same as my cousin who is not much older, 4 decades later when we all get together we still take the piss out of my mother for her decision.

There are thousands of names, if you choose a top 100 name there is a reasonably high chance that someone else raised at the same time in the same cuture will like it too, choose a different one, get over it!

Really I think you need to forget about it and move on .If its a popular name and she liked it then thats Think how lovely your baby girls are and healthy .Life really is too short and all that .Hopefully they can be good friends in the future

Does it really matter if two cousins/friends have the same name?

I'm from an Irish background, I have a large extended family. Nearly every family has a Patrick, an Eileen and a Joseph/Josephine. It's traditional. Somehow we all manage to differentiate between the various difference Pats/Paddys/Patsys/Joes/Jos and Josies. No one has ever taken the wrong child home by mistake. I never mistook any of my 5 Aunty Eileens for my mum Eileen.

Never discuss names.

I got my son's name in a dream; I didn't tell a soul ( not even my mum or Dh). Somethings you just have to keep to yourself!

You're not but you should have had the balls to give your child the same name as you always wanted to.

No, that was mean of her. Normally I'm team 'nobody owns a name' but when it's your sister and you were actually pregnant it's different. Out of pure kindness she should have chosen something else.

I doubt she used the name to spite you, she loved it as much as you did. If you'd given birth first then you would have used it I presume...leaving her feeling the same way. The only fair agreement would have been for neither of you to use it.

All my life my aunt banged on about my name, as she wanted to use it, my Mum loved it so used it as I was born a month before my cousin. Honestly, get over it.

So when you mentioned the name she didn't say that she also loved it & had been thinking o using it?

So you think it was done deliberately to prevent you from using it?

This 💯 and agreed it was a nasty thing your sister did.

No horrible idea - not the child's fault.

This is one of those situations I’d love to hear the other side of. Because if the name was also in either side of your sister’s family or one she also loved for years or her partner’s favourite then I think she was fair enough to use it. If she had never heard of it until you said that was what you liked and she’s done it solely to spite you (seems unlikely) then maybe she’s not reasonable.

Either way this is why I never discussed favourite baby names until they were born. You need to get over it though, it’s just a name you liked, she didn’t steal your child.

I never understand these threads.

Why didn't you say "Oh goodness, how funny, that's the name we are using too!"

I have the same name as my cousin for this reason. I love it, I think we are closer because of it.

I'd have just named my child the same name.

It's awful of her. I think it's very sad you didn't use the name anyway.
Names are so important and emotional and I never get people who say "it's just a name".

Ouch.That was a very sneaky move from your sister.

That’s why you don’t share your possible name choices with anybody before your baby is born.

If you ever think about another child in the future think about some rare name that you’re not going to use and announce it while keeping your true choice to yourself,something along the lines ”we’re expecting a girl and she will be called Araminta Rose” while you chose Audrey Elena.

I would have named my child the exact same name.

I understand your upset but this is why you should have been petty.

I wish you had used it anyway. When my sil was pregnant and saying she liked the girls name I had always picked out I made sure to say very clearly that I’d still use it so they’d be two little cousin Sandra’s (not the name), as I knew she’d be absolutely furious if she used it and I had just used it anyway, so I made sure she knew that’s what would happen, I have no issues with cousins having the same name so I could say it very calmly ‘That’d be cute’ as it didn’t bother me.

Very shitty

I would have stuck with the name.

That was a horrid thing to do, yanbu.

I might invent really ugly/irritating nn version of the name and insist on using that - so if baby is Molly, something horrid like “The Mollster” or “Mollymog”

Would you share the name so we can fantasise awful nn with you?

Why not just call her the same name? If you both like it, so what? There’s this weird vibe now where everyone has to have a name individual to them-and no one is allowed to duplicate it. Just go to any churchyard and look at all the Marys, Catherines and Elizabeth. I bet no one was standing around the water pump bitching someone ‘stole their name’. In my class at school, there were several Emilys and Claires. There is so much in the world that could make you unhappy-please don’t let such a small thing blight your contentment at having a healthy child who you love very much.

We have two Hannahs in our family. Cousins- close in age. They are always referred to by their first and middle names, so people know which one is being talked about.

You’d pick an ugly nn for a child to annoy their parent?

You’re sisters. You likely have quite a lot in common. It’s possible she had her heart set on that name long before you announced it as your preferred name. What is she to do then?
I’m not sure we have the whole story here. But you’re right, it is just a name.

I understand people saying she should have used the same name but it would potentially have been awkward with family and I understand OP not wanting to deal with that when announcing the name, and wanting a more positive experience and feeling around it. I think even choosing the original name might have not felt the same.

It’s not nice of your sister but lesson learnt. If you have any other children keep the name to yourself until the child is born and named.