To be upset partner going on holiday without me?

[lulu55xxx]

We live together,been a couple 7 years and are getting married next year.
Anyway he works as a manager for a kitchen company and they have branches all through the UK.
The company is taking the top 15 shops China to look at where there products are made etc and have been asked if they want to go.
Everyone in our area has declined but partner said yes as it’s his dream destination…we were planning on going together in a couple of years.
Now look I know I’m probably being ridiculous
It’s a free trip etc etc but I’m sad he’s going without me for two weeks.
Il be stuck here.
Now il be wishing him a nice time and hoping he has a good time but I’m still sad inside he’s going without me.
The assistant manager has declined as he doesn’t want to live his wife for that long but my partner had zero issues saying he would go.

Aibu ?

You won't just be stuck here. Presumably you lead a full life that doesn't revolve entirely around your partner being present, so can find some interesting things to occupy your time. I imagine how exciting it will be when he comes back with his tales, and you have similarly interesting things to talk about.

I don’t know anybody who would be pissed at this in real life.

Absolutely this. Being this upset about being apart for TWO WEEKS is not healthy.

Is the assistant managers wife pregnant or
something? I wouldn’t expect my partner to refuse a work trip because he thought I’d be lonely. As if I’m billy no mates 😅

No one said the colleague 'can't' be away from his wife for two weeks. That's exaggerating and dramatising it. For all you know, he just has no interest in going and would prefer to stay home with family.

My DH used to travel a lot for his job, some really nice places and always 1st class or business class. If he'd ever suggested not going because he'd have to leave me behind, I'd think he'd lost his mind. You should be pleased for him that he has this opportunity.

I think it's possible they have done international business travel before.

Well I don't think you are all that unreasonable, OP.
But, can't you go with him? Pay for your own flight, stay with him in his hotel room, and go exploring/sightseeing during the day while he's busy.
He might even see if he can extend the stay for a further week (paying for his own hotel if course) so you can do touristy stuff together.

Chinese factories and shops are pretty gross he’s not going to have the amazing adventure that you had planned walking along the Great Wall, and on boat rides in Guilin, and partying in Hong Kong without you!
you are not being unreasonable for being sad that you’ll miss him, but you would be very very unreasonable to guilt trip him in any way for taking this opportunity. If my (imaginary) fiance tried to stop me going on a two week work trip I would seriously reconsider marrying them!

Ps when I say they are gross it’s because they smell and smoking indoors is normal there etc, this is from lived experience having been there with work, not anything racist against Chinese people themselves, just to clarify

Hes a bit silly when he’s drunk and careless.

What does this refer to?

I agree (as long as he was using his own money).

the majority of my hols last year were without my DP. It didn’t even occur to me he would be lonely, I’m sure he enjoyed the time with himself. I always do when he’s away.

Or maybe this colleague has a track history of infidelity in work trips.

Seeing as he’s getting free flights and you’ve always wanted to go, could he extend his trip at the end and you join him for a holiday? Would be a great way to see this location for half the travel cost! I think most companies would be happy to do this.

It’s a great business trip and it’s two weeks not two months. YABVU.

I somehow missed your update.

I’m sorry you have gone through a huge loss OP. However you really need to try to gain back that independence you once had and enjoyed.

Life is for the living as a couple and as individuals.

No one is dramatising, the OP is not telling the friend in passing, oh I'll miss him

she's starting a thread on MN about how "upset" she is at the idea and that she will be stuck here.

People go on their own all the time, for work, for hobbies. It becomes pretty much unavoidable when you have kids unless you have a live-in nanny, one of you need to stay home with them.

Not keeping some independent life once you marry or get into a serious relationship is unhealthy, and dangerous - how do you cope when you become single again, or the other one become unwilling or uninterested in travelling ever again.

Why have you framed this as a holiday? It’s a business trip.

YABVU. Are you saying if the situation were reversed, you wouldn’t go? Insanity!

At least you haven’t told him so you haven’t made a holy show of yourself.

Have you had any bereavement counselling? That might help you to feel more confident and resilient and more like yourself?

I am married with 3 kids and my husband is heading to the World Cup for 2 weeks without me. Being married doesn’t mean we are glued to each other. By the sounds of it you don’t have kids, so no ties to staying home on your own struggling from that aspect. I’d say his assistant manager is a fool for not going. With kindness I’d say you need to work on your self esteem or your reliance to being attached to your partner and feeling ‘alone’ for 14 days.

Maybe he's international drug lord or an incognito spy or goes to euro clubs wearing women's underwear. No point filling in the gaps with fiction.

Come on now, you aren't tied at the hip! Don't be controlling.

If you have time and extra cash, why don't you plan to go somewhere as well at the same time.

It's not China. She's changed the destination and other details.

I'm not commenting on whether OP should feel X, Y or Z about the trip or not. I'm commenting on poster's acting as though OP wants to stop him going or is being outwardly negative about it to him. They are also directly framing women or men who prefer to stay home with their partners rather than go on solo travel as needy and clingy and co-dependent. One does not equal the other.

OP said plainly that she has not mentioned it to her partner and that she has told him she is happy for him. She hasn't done anything wrong, and she's entitled to feel upset if it makes her upset – especially since she says she's feeling very vulnerable after losing her mother, when her wedding is looming no less.

The dramatic, hyperbolic posts on how unreasonable she is to have any of these feeling far far outweigh those handling her feelings with care and understanding.

It's MN all over, and it's tiresome.

Work on your mental health and being independent. It's not great that you have made your partner the centre of your world to the point you can't stomach two weeks without him.