To be upset partner going on holiday without me?

[lulu55xxx]

We live together,been a couple 7 years and are getting married next year.
Anyway he works as a manager for a kitchen company and they have branches all through the UK.
The company is taking the top 15 shops China to look at where there products are made etc and have been asked if they want to go.
Everyone in our area has declined but partner said yes as it’s his dream destination…we were planning on going together in a couple of years.
Now look I know I’m probably being ridiculous
It’s a free trip etc etc but I’m sad he’s going without me for two weeks.
Il be stuck here.
Now il be wishing him a nice time and hoping he has a good time but I’m still sad inside he’s going without me.
The assistant manager has declined as he doesn’t want to live his wife for that long but my partner had zero issues saying he would go.

Aibu ?

If you mean hen weekends associated with weddings then yes they are equally unnecessary and ridiculous.

Although I don't think they generally emulate the disgusting levels of behaviour typical of most stag dos.

Unless there is a backstory of you having 3 small kids or a newborn then yes you’re being unreasonable. You can be gutted for you but don’t hold him back on this opportunity!

I said I don’t know anyone who’d be happy with their dp doing away for two weeks if it wasn’t necessary. Especially if it was a destination we’d spoken about visiting together.

That's a selfish attitude though and very childish.

That’s wild that you think someone going on a non-mandatory trip means they don’t like their partner!! It means nothing of the sort, but it does mean you have serious issues with insecurity.

I can cope perfectly fine on my own for two weeks - I still wouldn’t want him to go. He wouldn’t want to leave me and the dc’s for two weeks either.

Not all marriages/people are the same and that’s ok!

you sound like fun 😂

And ridiculous if you translate "hen weekend" (or stag do) by a weekend of pure debauchery. They can be anything you want

Being on MN is unnecessary too, why are you wasting valuable time on a gossip forum?

You find it wild that in my circle of friends I only know of one who’d probably be ok with a two week non mandatory trip?

I find that wild!

Why wouldn't you want the person you love to have a wonderful experience? Even if it means you aren't there to share it? Would you be that selfish?

I'm going to Japan with work later this year. Both DH and DS are super jealous but also really excited for me to have the opportunity to visit a new and exciting country. Imagine turning down that opportunity because your partner doesn't want to be left alone for a couple of weeks.

Each to their own, but I would divorce a man who had an issue with me going away for any reason, even for two weeks. Assuming childcare wasn't an issue. I simply can't live with or respect a possessive, clingy person..

The idea that those of us who go away without our partners dislike them is from the 50s!

Is it a holiday or work trip? As you've said holiday in the title but the explanation sounds more like a work trip.

It may not be that common in your community, but it is very common in others, for people to go on overseas trips for work. Sometimes they are busy, other times not fully and there is also some time for sightseeing. It can be frustrating when they are away and having fun, and you are left home doing the mundane tasks on your own, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't go. If his workplace is paying, they likely see some benefit professionally and personally for your partner.

You are also going away together soon so will get quality time together then. It can be healthy to be able to spend some time apart, assuming you trust each other.

If its about him getting an experience you would love and are missing out on, try to think about how you can manage that yourself. Could you go away on your own to a somewhere you've always wanted to go to? Or away with a friend?

Its normal to miss each other, but that doesn't mean that it isn't also good for both of you to get experiences without the other, or that he doesn't care about you by taking up an opportunity through work that excites him

You find it wild that in my circle of friends I only know of one who’d probably be ok with a two week non mandatory trip?

Yeah, it's odd! Most couples I know would encourage their partner if such an opportunity arose because they love them.

Are you the thread police ? If i want to spend time on MN that is totally my choice and nothing to do with you.

But you are right a bunch of people drinking far too much and indulging in bad behaviour isn't my idea of fun. And I'm quite happy to say so.

Incidentally havee you actually read any of the threads on MN about hen dos?
The eyewatering amounts of money, the unreasonable demands of the bride and the organisers of the hen do, the politics of them, the hurt feelings, etc etc.
Absolute ridiculous nonsense and nothing whatsoever to do with a couple getting married.

I think in this situation - if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and not something you could afford to do together it’s different yes.

If for instance DH was a big Grand Prix fan and had always dreamt of going and was offered a free trip I’d be fine with that. It’s just an odd notion for me to imagine as he’s just not the type to go off for that length of time alone or with friends.

He went to a 4 day festival in summer and came home a day early as he missed us and was knackered!

More that you say that person doesn't like their partner and shouldn't be with them, as if that's associated with them being okay with being apart for two weeks. Whereas all the other couples are functional because they wouldn't want to ever be apart. That's the wild bit. That you don't know anyone with a healthy relationship who can enjoy an independent trip and still like each other.

I cannot understand this. WHY? it's 2 weeks? It's nothing at all.

How deep is the level of insecurity in a relationship to refuse to go away. It's bizarre.

You get offered a place in a brilliant training course for a few weeks, or your friends invite you to something special, but you wouldn't be allowed either? You MUST stay home at all time? And he's not allowed anywhere either? wow

Are all your friends clingy, co-dependent and afraid of solitude?

Maybe you should try to expand your circle.

So the issue has changed from it being about him going to a destination you wanted to visit together, to it now being him going at all. The country is probably large enough that you could go together in the future and see completely different things. It sounds like he will be doing work-related things and probably not have loads of time for excursions or whatever you were planning. I have heard of partners booking a trip alongside someone’s work trip so they could either spend free time together, or spend an extra week in said place with their partner (not paid for by work). I think if you want to do everything with him and can’t do anything alone you will find life very restricted, because the obvious answer would be going on your own trip to the country. But you can’t do things like that if you want to only ever do things with him

You can be in a healthy relationship and not want to spend two weeks apart? What constitutes a healthy relationship in your opinion? I’d say it’s one where both parties are on the same page and have similar ideas.

If you think a healthy relationship is only one where people are happy to go for separate two week holidays well no, I don’t relate to that at all personally 🤷‍♀️

As I said before, we’re all different and that’s ok. I’m happy for the posters who are happy with this - I’m not sure why some are getting so defensive 🤔

How would it be better if he refused to go on this work trip? You two can still go together in the future. YABU.

You find not particularly wanting to spend two weeks apart from your partner unnecessarily means you are clingy, co-dependent and afraid of solitude? I find that an interesting attitude.

There’s some Stretch Armstrong levels of reaching on this thread. And a lot of projection methinks.

Most of my friends would either love the idea of a bit of alone time, or make the most of it by doing things their partner might not enjoy.

Actually, yes, I think it's a healthy relationship when both partners are equal, independent enough, don't need someone to hold their hand at all time, and would not even consider they are not allowed do to anything by themselves.

We are not talking about only wanting to go on holiday alone, but when an opportunity presents itself: work, sport, or even a holiday with friends, then it's a non-issue.

If someone cannot cope alone, then it's a major red flag but if they don't want to try to cope alone, it's weird. If you cannot be separated for even a week or 2 once a year, it doesn't sound healthy at all.

But then SOME posters on here are raging if their partner tries to take half a day every weekend to do something - when they could do similar, but they can't be bothered so no one else should.

Please change your childish attitude and be happy and supportive to your partner.

So you can understand why the OP's partner wants to go on this work trip then yeah? All expenses trip to somewhere he's always wanted to visit.

Yuck, that is such a clingy attitude. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are joined at the hip forever and have to go on all trips together. What a miserable attitude you and your friends have, if you can't trust your partners or let them have an enjoyable time with people other than yourselves. And the comparison of a work trip to a lads' weekend, where there is an underlying stereotype of drunken/sexual behaviours, is totally illogical.