To be upset partner going on holiday without me?

[lulu55xxx]

We live together,been a couple 7 years and are getting married next year.
Anyway he works as a manager for a kitchen company and they have branches all through the UK.
The company is taking the top 15 shops China to look at where there products are made etc and have been asked if they want to go.
Everyone in our area has declined but partner said yes as it’s his dream destination…we were planning on going together in a couple of years.
Now look I know I’m probably being ridiculous
It’s a free trip etc etc but I’m sad he’s going without me for two weeks.
Il be stuck here.
Now il be wishing him a nice time and hoping he has a good time but I’m still sad inside he’s going without me.
The assistant manager has declined as he doesn’t want to live his wife for that long but my partner had zero issues saying he would go.

Aibu ?

I agree with the poster, it's weird and a bit childish, or very insecure.

Even if you have strictly the same hobbies, do the exact same holidays, the same sports and competitions, work in the same field so go to the same work event/ training, only have common friends.

2 weeks once every blue moon is nothing? if you are individuals, it's unlikely you never have to compromise, you are not identical robots, so one of you is pushing away their own preference to accommodate the other.

It looks terribly unprofessional and immature to bring a husband/ wife in some work places or events, you expect people to be able to stand up on their own - or they are in the wrong job.

All that is mere supposition and projection on your part again though.

You can not particularly want to spend long periods - or even a few days - apart from your dp and still be/do all of those things. I love my alone time - more than most.

You are putting your own ideas of what constitutes a healthy relationship onto others. DH and I don’t like spending more than a couple of days apart but we can and do and we also both lead independent lives and do a lot of stuff apart.

Just bc I wouldn’t want to go away for two weeks without dh doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it or would melt into a pile of jelly without him.

The OP is saying g she s a bit upset bc she’ll miss him and it was somewhere they’d spoken about going together. Those are valid feelings to have. I don’t think she mentioned trying to stop him? No one is forbidding the trip-goer to go!

I had a week in San Francisco with work, and it was great to sightsee as well as work - I still use information from that work trip a decade later.

I travelled Saturday - Saturday, and had a day off during the week there. Every other day I was working/on duty between 5am-5pm. My line manager didn't want to give me lieu for the flight days or the long working days!

Because the OP is upset at her DP doing this, which isn't healthy even by your own definition. And if your take seems to be defending her view that DPs shouldn't go away because no one you know would do so except the couple who should split up, then that's not healthy either. Fine if your particular situation means you're both on the same page and never want to leave each other's side. But in the OP's situation, the guy isn't on her 'no hols without me' page and doesn't deserve her upset because what he wants to do is totally fine and normal.

Clearly in different circles then. I'd be annoyed if my DP didn't take this opportunity and I'd be annoyed if my DP tried to stop me from going in similar circumstances. He's obviously worked really hard and this is a nice and paid-for reward. You don't get that every day!

I get the OP isn't in the best place but some space is healthy for the relationship. The other chefs might have turned it down because of clashes of commitment.

Why does MN have to dramatise everything? You're not childish, insecure, clingy or needy or 'unable to function' or 'joined at the hip' just because you will miss your partner for 2 weeks and wish you could be going together , especially if was already planned to.

MN is the weirdest place.

Who is 'trying to stop' anyone?

It’s a work trip not a holiday

Exact same thing has happened tome, always wanted to go to Australia, DH hasnt, and now he is going for work! I am flying out to meet him at the end of his work trip. Can you do something like that, but there is no reason why you cant both go again in a few years, its a big place!!

Fine if your particular situation means you're both on the same page and never want to leave each other's side

Why do some posters keep on resorting to
lies to prove their point? At no point did I say we never leave each others side..

I said I can understand the Op being upset as I wouldn’t particularly want to be apart from my dh for two weeks. I didn’t say she should try and stop him.

In the early days of our relationship DH went on a 2 week trip to America that had already been planned - I was happy for him but also a a bit miffed bc I was madly in love, knew I’d miss him and I was also jealous bc I wanted to go! There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way - it would’ve been wrong to try and stop
him going though or make him feel guilty.

What I find strange is the attitude that in “healthy” relationships you would only be ecstatically happy to have your dp go off somewhere for two weeks and that any other emotion means you have something wrong with you or must be chained at the hip!

This is exactly it.

Only on MN!

I am also surprised that everyone else said no.
"leaving wife for 2 weeks". Unpess they have small kids that's just odd reason and vwry infantilasing imho.

I get that since you lost your mum it's hard, but you have to get some independence again and maybe this will be good for you.

Said gently, do you think your bereavement has a lot to do with this? Prior to losing your mum, did you feel a bit more secure in yourself?

It is normal for men and women to go solo business trips - and indeed enjoy and look forward to them. It is normal for the one left at home to miss them and look forward to their return.
Your reaction implies something deeper is going on. You feel 'left behind' and sad. In a context of bereavement that is very normal.
Please engage in bereavement support - it is so helpful and nothing to be ashamed of.

If you see not having a conniption because your spouse is away for work as evidence of 'not liking said spouse much', I'd suggest you recalibrate your ideas about relationships.

This. This man treats you really badly.

Exactly, being one of the few who have said they'd go could be a good thing if and when promotions are on the table!

It's work, it's not a holiday and yes you are being unreasonable. Seeing your update and seeing you describe him as your 'whole world' is concerning - it's really not healthy and you need to have more of a life of your own if 2 weeks apart is causing you such anxiety. Do you have friends, hobbies, a social life apart from him? If not, you're putting all your eggs in one basket and it can be too clingy and needy. You may drive him away if you continue.

I think you are being ridiculous - as is the colleague who cannot be away from their wife for 2 weeks. This is a chance to explore a new destination on the company dime.

But different strokes for different folks.

Me too. That’s the strangest part of this story.

The only way I could imagine that is if the company tried to suggest it be a self-funded business trip.

Bloody hell, its only a couple of weeks!!! You are being very unreasonable.

He's not going on holiday. It's work. It's China - he's not going to be off on his own sightseeing.

I imagine visiting a factory in an industrial district in China might actually be quite grim.

You realise it's a business trip, not pleasure, don't you ?
Give your head a wobble, lovely.

Ok, there are bigger issues at play here. You are needy and suffer from low self-esteem.

Your partner is not doing anything wrong. You have mental health issues that need to be addressed as soon as possible.

Your title is v misleading. It is not a holiday 😂