To be upset partner going on holiday without me?

[lulu55xxx]

We live together,been a couple 7 years and are getting married next year.
Anyway he works as a manager for a kitchen company and they have branches all through the UK.
The company is taking the top 15 shops China to look at where there products are made etc and have been asked if they want to go.
Everyone in our area has declined but partner said yes as it’s his dream destination…we were planning on going together in a couple of years.
Now look I know I’m probably being ridiculous
It’s a free trip etc etc but I’m sad he’s going without me for two weeks.
Il be stuck here.
Now il be wishing him a nice time and hoping he has a good time but I’m still sad inside he’s going without me.
The assistant manager has declined as he doesn’t want to live his wife for that long but my partner had zero issues saying he would go.

Aibu ?

I usually slate men who go off on stag dos and holidays with their pals. And those who selfishly leave their partners at home when they are vulnerable to go off and enjoy leisure trips and hobbies.

But in this case OP I totally agree with your DP that he should go on what is essentially a business trip. He would be mad to turn it down. And I feel you are being selfish in objecting.

Blows my mind that people actually think like this

I’m going to NYC with my work for 6 days this year. I could have declined. But it’s a free trip to NYC! I’d be an idiot to turn it down. I’d think DP was an idiot if he turned down a free trip to somewhere interesting.

And we have a DD under 2! It will be hard to leave her but I do need to do things independently from time to time.

Me and DP have an agreement: one solo trip each pet year, for up to a week. This is only because of childcare, though.

You shouldn’t stop him. If you were heavily pregnant I would say think about it but otherwise don’t stifle him, live your lives. It’s good for his career too

You’re being very silly - it’s a work trip!

He wants to go and it is his dream -- why on earth wouldn't he go?

You say that you will be 'stuck here' but, surely you will be in the home that you normally live in etc etc, it just seems like an odd term of phrase.

You really are unreasonable. It's not a holiday. I'd be pissed off if a boyfriend made an issue of this. You can still go with him another time. For an actual holiday.

Have also read your previous posts and this is not a healthy relationship. Use the time to assess whether you’d be better in your own permanently.

You probably feel a bit like this because it's optional and he's choosing to go. My DH travels a fair bit and sees some fabulous places, always staying in 5 star hotels. He does get to see a little of the areas, but mostly it's work and I have to remember that.
Make some nice plans with friends for while he is away and try to stay positive, looking forward to your upcoming trip together.
It's not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, but it's probably unreasonable to have expected him not to go.
Sorry you are feeling the loss of your Mum, I hope you feel better soon. Remember, these two weeks will come and go, faster than you think.

The assistant manager has declined he doesn’t want to live his wife for that long

She might have health problems or a very good reason, but otherwise he's completely ridiculous😂 (or very clever to use an excuse because he can't be arsed to go, which is fair enough)

OP, of course you are BU

You are not even married yet and you already resent if your partner is away, and this time it's a boring work do? Will he not be allowed to go on holiday with friends without you sulking at home in the future? What about your holidays without him?

You need to work on yourself before you make it very unpleasant in the long term

where do you stand on women who go on hen weekends?

I would call any man having a problem with their partner going alone with friends abusive frankly. Even if they have children!

I was going to say that you were BU, and that you obviously don’t trust him.

BUT….

Then I read your other posts. And I still think you’re BU, but ONLY because you should be looking forward to the peace and be glad to be rid of him!
He’s not good to you at all, he doesn’t seem to give you any thought whatsoever (Christmas presents a case in point) and doesn’t care about you (thinks you should do all the chores because you have no job atm).
Why are you still marrying him? He won’t change. I don’t know how old you are, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life being treated like this?!
A marriage should be a partnership, where both partners work towards the same goal - making each other happy. He clearly is not, and is not prepared to be, doing this.
I didn’t see if you have children, but if yes, think what both of your behaviours are teaching them about what a healthy relationship should look like.
If not -please don’t have them.
Everyone has a value that they are worth and he quite simply cannot afford you. And you deserve someone who can.
I wish you all the best xx

I'm afraid you are being v unreasonable. It is a work trip and they are rarely as glamorous as they sound. I quite regularly have to travel for work and in many respects it can be fun, in reality it involves a lot of networking & showing face. DP has come with me a couple of times pre-kids and the whole family once recently but that is actually even more of a juggle as you are having to do your work and be mindful of that fact that your DP/family are with you and want to see you and can feel even more stretched and stressed.

It sounds like you have been through quite a difficult time recently. I think you need to take this as an opportunity to learn to give yourself and bit of independence and not be so reliant on someone else for your happiness which is not a very healthy way to live IMHO.

If you genuinely love him, why would you want to limit his opportunities and experiences. If you love someone, you are not selfish, you want the best for them.

The assistant manager is a bit lame if he can't cope with two weeks away from his wife. I'd say the same if it was a husband. Suspect it's an excuse because he just doesn't want to go to China or wherever it really is, but given that your DP does really want to go there, it's a no-brainer to bite their hand off and go on the trip. If it's somewhere he's interested in, it's not like he'll not want to go back again with you. It's pretty insecure to feel upset about this and not pleased for him. If you don't trust him that's another matter and shouldn't be getting married, but if you do trust him then you should be able to support each other's interests - including trips away as they come up - not be joined at the hip for eternity.

And one further pathetic for not being able to be on my own for two weeks? It’s a wonder how long distance couple cope.

Maybe the assistant manager has small kids and doesn’t want to leave his wife without help for 2 weeks for a non essential trip. That’s reasonable. But assuming you’re not in this situation then you are being massively unreasonable begrudging him this opportunity. Presumably this doesn’t affect your plans to go together?

But you said "I don't know ANYONE in RL who would be ok with this" (as in, their partner / husband going on a work trip).

That cannot be true??

Agree!

wow

and your friends' partners are still with them? Who can live such a claustrophobic life? And stick with people so uninteresting they don't do anything on their own - what do they have to talk about?

I said I don’t know anyone who’d be happy with their dp doing away for two weeks if it wasn’t necessary. Especially if it was a destination we’d spoken about visiting together.

I can actually think of one friend who probably wouldn’t mind but she doesn’t like her dp and they shouldn’t really be together!

YABVVVU. My wife travels a couple of times for business each year, to many places I'd love to go, I tell her to extend and spend an extra weekend visiting. If you can afford it, now may be a great time to do the holiday if he can stay an extra couple of weeks, and you can fly out, but the company pays for his flights. If you do that, be careful with his insurance. He'll need one policy to cover the whole trip and can't easily split the work part and personal part.

Pretty sure you can not want to go for a two week holiday without your spouse and still have very fulfilling and interesting lives and other people to talk to..

Strange take!

if one is sulking or forbidding the other to ever go away for weekends, or even holidays and refuse to ever be left alone, I doubt it.

Then your friends are odd.
And anyway, a works trip is hardly the same as a lads weekend away.

Both me and DH travel for work and neither of us would dream of kicking up a fuss as we recognise how lucky we are.
An adult should be able to cope for a couple of weeks on their own and if you can't then I think you've got bigger issues.