What’s with all the hate for SAHM

[Howarewealldoing]

Following on from a post yesterday( who did work) but everyone assumed they didn’t. If they don’t sign on ,I don’t understand all the negativity. Or why some people get so worked up about something that doesn’t affect them .

Jealousy

I would imagine it's because there's a lot of people that are absolutely exhausted from work, that are returning to work after Christmas having not had a break, are on their knees and are beyond miserable at the thought of going back to work. Whether or not they're signing on, a lot of these non-working posts recently are incredibly goady....

You're right though, whether or not someone else works doesn't affect me. I would imagine though it has hit people at a very sensitive time if they're feeling as I described in my previous post

Jealously. And maybe deemed insensitivity from the SAHM depending on the context. If it’s the post I’m thinking of they were saying they were looking forward to a day of Netflix when the kids were back at school and people were saying good for her but what about all those who have to work and don’t get any break. In that case the OP did actually work but not typical 9-5 hours so the negativity was definitely misconstrued. But can also see how people working full time who then have their kids at home evenings and weekends would be a little put out that they can’t just have a day on the sofa. Don’t think it was a dig at SAHM per se

Jealousy!

I haven't noticed, but I've no idea why anyone would give a shit over something happening in a total strangers life. Do what you want.
I'd assume some of the genuine concern (and not just nastiness) is to do with women leaving themselves financially vulnerable or with big employment gaps. I've seen plenty of posts on here from women left unable to leave an abusive relationship because they are fully reliant on their partner.

Some people are dicks. Especially on the internet!

I s think it’s a risk to the women if she doesn’t work outside of the home and would advise any child of mine against staying at home full time

if you find that hateful and negative it may be your defensiveness ( some sahm do get very defensive. Not looking at you dearest cousin ) . If you can understand that then, well it’s seems to be a day for people being judgemental and nasty

SAHM vs WOHM has always been an inflammatory topic on here, I think mainly because it taps into issues of judgement and choice. Both SAHMs and WOHMs feel the double whammy of being judged and being judged for something they usually don't have choice over. So when some bright spark tips up making disparaging comments about the way people choose to organise their household economy people get really triggered and upset.

People are sometimes very unkind about SAHMs indeed, I've heard people say they are all thick and boring.But it definitely works both ways. I've been told on multiple occasions on here that I shouldn't have bothered having a child because I go out to work.

It goes round and round in circles and never gets resolved.

My only negative take on SAHM is that they can end up in a very vulnerable position, particularly if not married.

Otherwise crack on, working mums also get hate. You can't win.

I think that, aside from envy, there are a great many people who have a burning need to feel superior to someone else. Sometimes it's a WOHM to a SAHM, sometimes it's the other way round. Some people think their job is better than someone else's.

Or it could be your car/neighbourhood/clothes/hobby/casserole dish/preference for tea over coffee etc etc etc.

Human nature. And MN is a microcosm of human nature. Quite entertaining really.

But you’re assuming it’s a risk , I think everyone one seems to forget every one’s situation is different. I’ve seen a lot of people assume SAHM don’t have a good pension/ yet I know people that work with worse /no pensions. Someone that works can be made redundant the same way a SAHM could get a job if needs be . I think a lot of people like to project their negativity.

Out here in the real world I generally find no one actually cares whether someone is a SAHP or not.

I don't agree with mums staying at home because I think it teaches little boys they are supposed to be waited on by women and little girls that they are there to be the family carer. It does girls good to see their mum's go out and achieve and it does little boys good to see women achieving and earning equal pay and to see men pulling their weight at home to enable women to do so. It's a known statistic that the more a mother achieves the more her daughter will achieve and unemployed women are most likely to have unemployed daughters. Whether a mum works or not directly impacts her child's attainment in later life. I also think women have just as much responsibility to provide food, housing, clothing to their children as men do and they should be earning money to pay for those things as a provider.

Most people get upset about children not getting what they deserve whether it's role models, opportunities, food or housing. It's why mums spend hours arguing about about food, sleep training and weaning, we care because we care about all children not just our own.

I'm certainly not jealous, even though I love my time with my daughter when I'm not working and would always love more. But let's be honest, jealousy is just the go to trope when people are mad that women don't like something!

True I only ever really see the negative comments on here.

@YourBreezyBiscuit that's the type of comment that makes me laugh.
SAHM doesn't literally mean stay at home 😂
Throughout my daughters primary school years I was busier than I have probably been in my life with volunteering at the school and organising things for the PTA.
That was pretty much my "job" - I just didn't get paid a wage.
I was achieving plenty.

I think in some (I know not all) cases it's the smugness and judgement of those who have to work. "I couldn't allow strangers to raise my babies", "I made good decisions" type comments. Or the failure to read the room such as bragging about not having to work at a time when many exhausted mums are returning to their jobs. I don't hate stay at home mums but I think working mums have a lot more stress and challenge in comparison (disclaimer I am not including SAHM who are dealing with their own or their child/family member's illness or disability here as that is obviously very different to simply having a child).

See disagree I think regardless if the father or mother says at home . It shows that two parents can work together and help make each other’s life easier. Instead of having two stressed out overworked parents juggling school holidays and sickness .

First post nails it.

I was on that thread - it was funny to me though and there were more than a few unhinged people on there.

Unfortunately I’ve experienced it in RL too, from friends I’ve known since school. I don’t need to work and it really gets up some people’s noses - but I do understand the psychology behind it.

I just could do without the pass-agg comments.

I'll be honest, I used to assume that sahm were either/or a bit lazy or thick. When I had DC I wanted to work part time to retain the career id trained hard for whilst being there for my dc and not having them in full time childcare. But as I've got older and wiser I've realised what a judgemental dickhead I was. Ultimately you do you, no-one else is really interested.

There are also lots of negative comments about mums who work, especially when it comes to putting DC in nursery. And as for Mums who dare to travel for work and leave the baby / child at home for a night or two to be cared for only by the DC’s own father - MN seems to think that only heartless mums could ever do such a thing.

In short - internet forums will bring out comments from people who are negative about whatever is being posted.

Rubbish - my DD’s (who saw me as a sahm) are much more successful and ambitious than my DS’s. That is to do with personality, nothing more.

Also some people don’t attribute success = money. Or is that not what you mean by attainment? I’d much rather my dc’s be happy and do something they enjoy. They’re all doing great despite seeing their poor dm slogging away as a sahm every day (sob).

We don’t all think that working is the be all and end all. When I worked full time I was miserable, I loved staying home and looking after my dc’s. I’m pretty sure my happiness was more beneficial to them than seeing me rushing out at 7am and coming back stressed and tired to pick them up from nursery.

Let’s be honest - not many people would work full time if they had the choice.

I’m lucky though in that we don’t have to worry about money. You come across like you’re suggesting sahm’s produce lazy dc’s though which is ridiculous.

And I’d love to see your proof for these points - or are you just putting forward your personal opinion as fact?

For me it’s the assumption on MN that most working mums do it because they are career women who work in high flying jobs when some of us have to work full time to pay the rent.
I’ve also bitter from the SAHM in the class WhatsApp who always make a song and dance about attending every event at school and will happily cheer on your child if you get stuck at work. A nice gesture but does feel a bit backhanded.

Well I’m a sahm and she’d do my head in too 🤷‍♀️ 😂

In the UK only one in 9 stay at home parents are men, and 28% of women are out of the workforce because of childcare whereas only 7% of men are. Women also tend to be significantly poorer than men in part due to choices relating to career/child care etc. And, there is still a 12% median gender pay gap. With respect for everyone's life choices, and acknowledging that everyone's situations are different, it is evident that at a macro level, the entrenching of gendered work and child care patterns doesn't do our daughters any favors - at multiple levels.