What’s with all the hate for SAHM

[Howarewealldoing]

Following on from a post yesterday( who did work) but everyone assumed they didn’t. If they don’t sign on ,I don’t understand all the negativity. Or why some people get so worked up about something that doesn’t affect them .

You must work for a very small business.

Enjoy being supermum all day and running your corporate empire in the evenings - you're clearly vastly superior to the rest of us mere mortals 😉

Again, when that's all you can understand, despite the words written down, there's not a lot anyone else can really do about that.

🧦🥳🎃☔🍳

We have a labour shortage.

A huge cohort of baby boomers are starting to retire. Their state pensions and burgeoning healthcare costs have to be met by the working age population and people who aren't working out of the home are generally less economically productive than those who are.

And before you say "oh but i facilitate my high earning husband etc" pull the other one, because mine earns 200k & i manage to work 30h a week and earn 6 figures alongside him & we are raising 2 DC, and we are among many two earner families. Most sahm have considerably more leisure time and this country needs workers right now.

@Peridoteage is that true?
Because I read an article the other day that unemployment is very high among the 18-25 year old age group (including university leavers who can't get work).
If we are short of workers why are they unemployed?

You seem really intent on implying that I'm stupid. I don't know, it's almost like you're on the defensive about something. Weird, because it sounds like you're a super human with an awesome life!

Would be interesting to know if the people against SAHM . Would still continue to work if they would the lottery.

Dh earns loads, we could quite clearly live off what he earns (or indeed what I do). I work for:

• myself, it keeps my brain active, gives me confidence
• my kids, I like them to see hard working parents earning a crust & know that in life you support yourself financially
• the economy. I create value, i pay money in, Im happy to pay tax and contribute and pay my way

Totally agree with this poster.
I like to set my kids (one of each gender) the example that both of them need to work hard at school, both will require jobs in future to pay their bills and both of them have functional brains that they need to use.

Probably because the uni graduates don’t want the jobs which are available - care workers, warehouse operators, packers, fruit and vegetables pickers etc

Who do you think writes these comments on mumset? Mum bots? They are made by real people on a fairly anonymous forum. Just because you don’t hear these opinions shared or spoken aloud, doesn’t mean people don’t have them. They’re just too polite to share them with you or people you know.

Pretty much.

When I was an actual SAHM to DTwins, it was gruelling. But toddler twins are quite the different ball game and it was during COVID.

With elder DC, they were at school all day, so I simply just didn't have a job. I don't feel the need to try and give that a title to make it sound like I had more to do than other people had to do on top of a full time job. I found plenty to do to keep me busy. All of which, was either of my choosing, or what other people just got on with outside of office hours. I wasn't staying at home to be a mum, kind of tricky when the kids aren't there...

When we get our next house it's going to be quite a big project, so I'm going to stop work. And all the kids will remain in school, just like they are now. I'm won't suddenly become a SAHM. The kids aren't there. I just won't be working. I'll be shouting at builders.

Because I read an article the other day that unemployment is very high among the 18-25 year old age group (including university leavers who can't get work).
If we are short of workers why are they unemployed?

They don't want to do the work we need doing. They don't want to move to where the jobs are.

We are desperately short of tradespeople and construction workers.

We need careworkers, childcare workers, and teachers in maths, science etc.

We are pretty much always short of allied health professionals in one area or another.

Engineers and cyber security professionals tend to be recruited abroad.

there's been shortages of delivery drivers.

We have loads of areas where we need workers

I think it’s a huge shame that a woman, particularly a mother only seems to be valued if she is working. I completely understand that for most people two wages are required to house, feed children etc but if there is a choice to stay at home with your children and not put them into childcare before they’re one let’s not criticise those that make that choice.

Yes, that must be it.

Your inability to work out how someone might work in the evenings has touched such a raw nerve.

🤓🫁🛀🧟

It shows that two parents can work together and help make each other’s life easier. Instead of having two stressed out overworked parents juggling school holidays and sickness .

My kids see us working together. What they don't see is mummy having loads of leisure time to go the gym & get her brows done, and in all honesty I don't want them to grow up thinking its a realistic option for a family to be supported on one wage. That way disappointment lies. I know lots of women who grew up with a mum who spent half the day waiting to collect them from school & they are continually disappointed that they have to work. Life is much easier and happier if you don't have that as some sort of idealised unrealistic expectation.

but if there is a choice to stay at home with your children and not put them into childcare before they’re one let’s not criticise those that make that choice.

I didn't put mine in childcare until they were 13m old. Maternity leave in the uk allows you the full year off plus accrued holidays.

Its not a choice if mums wage is paying half the rent & bills.

Definitely.

But that's not the same as, for example, when I was not working and eldest was age 9 and at school every day.

That's not the same as being the full time daily "childcare" up to age 5 (4...3 depending on state/prep etc)

I went back to full time work a year after DC1 and I felt judged for it because DP is a high earner and it was assumed I wouldn’t. I didn’t go back to work after DC2 and am now a SAHM as both he and I had medical issues in the lead up to his birth and after which necessitated hospitalisation, NICU, operations, etc. It was nearly a year before it all settled. DC2 is now 2 and, again, I feel judged (although less so when I explain the medical issues). It does feel like you’re damned either way.

Why should any returning to work SAHPs want to do that either?
The thing is someone does need to do those jobs but wouldn't it be better that those on unemployment benefits get those jobs rather than a SAHP (who wouldn't be entitled to unemployment benefits for just being a SAHP).

I think that a (present) mums work is extremely valuable to a child. Especially kids under about 9. I think when we work full time, we are are taking a higher degree of risk regards the wellbeing of our child. My guess is child will probably be ok 70% of the time with full time working mum. And 90% of the time with SAHM. All other things being equal.

I do all of those things as a sahm too. Dh and I have rental properties/investments and pay shedloads in tax.

Interesting that you think only having a “job” uses your brain…when I worked it really didn’t require that much brain power, most jobs don’t and just require going through the same motions every day.

I really find these posts about working (ie. in a salaried role) being the only “worthy” position in life very interesting from a psychological perspective.

I am not negative against SAHM’s I think each family has to do whatever works for them.

The only thing I worry about is SAHM’s losing their financial independence and having an increased dependance on their partner. Two people I work with (now) were totally screwed over by ExH - men that they trusted implicitly, men ‘that never would!’ But they did and my 2 colleagues had nothing!! on top of that they had to start again with their careers.

It’s not for me, for that very reason- I earn my own money and contribute equally to the kids, house and to the bills.

But no one should be nasty or belittling about anyone else’s lifestyle or career choices (which includes being a SAHM).

Jobs up to a certain level, for sure. My first job was in the sweetie shop at Center Parcs. Honestly, a well trained gibbon could have done my shift.

Most jobs above a certain level require a good deal of "brain power". My professional qualification is a minimum 4yr process alone. And you get paid accordingly for being able to perform at that level as a minimum. Like it or not, childcare pays minimum wage. It's draining, and challenging, and god knows I couldn't be a nursery nurse... but you don't need "brains" as you put it to pass the childcare college courses, as you would to pass the law bar, for example. That's why one pays so little and the other has high earning potential. It's relative to the difficulty of the qualification and the subsequent work. No, I'm not a lawyer.

If my only employment options were jobs like the sweetie shop, then frankly we don't need the small amount that would bring in, and I'd probably find something less mundane to fill my days with and just not work.

A lot of us have more extensive opportunities of employment, and it brings far more to our lives than just the salary.

And I say this as someone who has had DC at school and just didn't go to work for years.

Clearly not unrealistic many people are stay at home parents.

Would love to work, but I can't afford to.

Two toddlers in nursery would mean I'd be paying to work.

I regret the detriment it's having on my employability and earning capacity. But the maths is the maths.

I'd love a lunch hour though. Or a commute to myself. Or an uninterrupted wee. That would be nice.

Oh, and piss off with the goady threads.