What’s with all the hate for SAHM

[Howarewealldoing]

Following on from a post yesterday( who did work) but everyone assumed they didn’t. If they don’t sign on ,I don’t understand all the negativity. Or why some people get so worked up about something that doesn’t affect them .

I do think it’s jealousy. I was a stay at home Mum for a couple of years after having two babies a year apart. Before that I worked full-time and when I returned to work I was very part time and now I work a fair bit more… So I’m not biased. But I do think it’s jealousy because being able to stay at home suggests financial privilege.

I’m not against SAHMs. I’m an advocate for informed choice and financial independence and security and if you can achieve that while staying at home then good for you.
I love my job and have invested a huge amount of time and money into my career so wouldn’t want to give that up, so I would continue to work even if I didn’t need to from a financial perspective.

From a recruitment perspective I find it pretty irritating seeing "Family management" "Project managed a household" "Budget management" "Scheduling" "Event management" ect on a CV. Just say you had a career break and leave it at that, stop trying to pretend it's something it's not.

SAHM isn't work and shouldn't be treated as such but they always say "I do the cooking, cleaning and mental load for the household"...Like just because I work full time doesn't mean my house is a tip or that I don't eat?

And once your kids are in school and you're not providing the childcare are you even a SAHM ? Or are you just unemployed.

Hmmm some interesting theories. Something ive noticed working in the education setting is a link to kids school attendance in relation to parents going out to work or not. A school avoiding kid is more likely to want to stay at home if their family are there and not leaving the house.

That's not really an argument.

Not everyone can choose to have a career. Everyone can choose to try and get a job. That job might be minimum wage for the rest of their life.

No real difference to being sat at home on UC, income wise.

I'm a SAHD and my wife has a big job in the city. I used to have similar job to my wife, but her trajectory was better. I hated my work and was happy to give it up. But my teenage kids are very rude about my life choice and say I just watch TV all day, which of course I don't (because I've finished Netflix JK).
However I do feel a bit of a failure despite my wife saying I have the "life of Reilly" going to the gym, playing tennis, etc.
So it isn't all a bed of roses.
Oh and if say there was a law that there had to be a SAH person in every relationship, housing would cost half as much and we wouldn't both need to work FT, but therein communism lies.

I feel this is also due to convenience and being more likely to be allowed to stay home with minor illness. My friend has a tendency to keep her child home for a minor sniffle because she doesn't work whereas I send mine in unless really ill because it becomes difficult figuring out who stays home to look after them.

I think it comes down to what kind of SAHP.

I definitely could understand if it is someone whose kids are in school full-time with no profound issues and easily outsource to cleaners and have family help/ childcare would cause some eyerolls about how hard they have, different if you don’t have the money to outsource, and have children with disabilities and/or ND and kids need more support and really struggle but people lump both together anyway.

I agree, I didn't enjoy my my maternity leaves. Staying at home was so boring. The days were long and I have health anxiety which is so much worse when I'm not working. Little things become big things. I work a 4 day week and I'm a primary school teacher. The extra day and the good holidays are a lovely balance of being able to spend time with my children and I also feel part of a team at work and enjoy spending time with other adults (& working with children) and being challenged. I also enjoy making my own money. I think if you can afford it and enjoy being at home then fair play to you. Most children will prefer being picked up by a parent and not going to after-schools, childminders etc. It is a privilege for many people if it's their choice. The only thing that seems to be a bit short sighted is when SAHP complain about how busy & tired they are when their kids are school age. 🙈

I hadn't thought of it that way but I agree.

I don't see hate on here, just concern that women shouldn't let themselves rely on a man.

When I first started using MN it was completely the other way round anyway - if you dared to work it was why did you bother to have them, you're a hard-nosed career woman, you married down....

When I returned to work a couple of years ago I was well aware to just write ‘career break’ on my CV, however I had a phone appointment with the government’s career service to discuss a few things. The advisor I spoke to told me to remove the volunteering work I did (2 days a week in an office for a large charity for the previous 3 years) as she said it was not relevant and instead to write exactly what you have given examples of.

I argued back about this and she wouldn’t have it - apparently doing the exact same role in an office as the paid staff - except I was a volunteer- was irrelevant. Unfortunately some of the CV’s you might see are because women have been ill-advised - by government advisors trying to help them get back into the workforce! However, a quick google tells you not to put your examples so I can se me that some women may get confused.

Yep 100%. I dont work Thursdays, if my kid is ill it's easy for me that day, the other days im more likely to encourage him in.

The happiest I have been is when I’ve had a fulfilling job so it’s definitely not jealousy from me. I’m more jealous of friends who have managed to build and maintain good careers alongside raising their children. But then I have no beef with SAHMs either. We could afford as a family for me to give up work but I’d hate it. I sacrificed career progression and salary to care for my SEN child and it does get me down thinking where I could be. But I still get a sense of achievement and professional pride at work so I keep going (however hard it was to get up and log in this morning)

I haven’t noticed.
But the I have been in bed all day eating chocolate and binge watching Netflix now the kids are back at school.

SAHMs don't bother me unless they're relying on the state (without mitigating factors, such as disability or a child with significant disability before anyone jumps on this!).

Personally, do I think it's a wise decision not to work at all? In most cases not, but it's down to individuals to do their own risk assessment and make their own decisions. No life decision is without risk.

I work FT, it's a necessity but I'm also happy with that and with my life in general, so I don't feel animosity towards people who make different decisions. I do think unhappiness breeds scorn and resentment.

I dont hate SAHM, but it is irritating if I hear one saying that their lifes just the absolute hardest in a weirdly competitive way?

Sorry but working AND mumming is the hardest! Try being up all night with a 1 year old, then going to your 9-5 all day long.

Don't get me wrong; that irritation is also a bit of jealousy!

I dont care whos a SAHMOD, or how many kids someone has or wants, or if they are on benefits or not.

1 its not my life.
2 im not looking after the kids.
3 its not effecting me or my life.

It is confusing. Some say don’t say you had a career break or have no gaps in your cv, others say don’t mention you were a sahp, and put something else so that your application has better chances of being seen.

I don't believe it's all jealousy. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM with young children. I

I do find it annoying when they say how busy they are when they don't work and their kids are school!

Financially I’ve never needed to work but chose to return to work full time when DT’s were six months old. I enjoyed my career and wanted to continue with it. A career break or part time hours would have killed it off.

I d don’t mind the SAHM - it’s the ‘I’m a full time mum’ thing that gets me. Women who go to work are full time mums too

Jealousy? I was until my youngest went to school then worked on t he nurse bank whe re I could choose hours . I wanted to be at home with them .

I would assume jealousy because I couldn't give a shit what anyone else does. So if you have a strong negative opinion of someone else's life I'm assuming that you're jealous of their choices or circumstances. And you think you'd make better choices if you had those circumstances. I doubt people are worried on a societal level about their neighbours/friends. Obviously there will be some eejits who assumes that Suzie wreck the head on the class WhatsApp is because she's a SAHP/WOHP instead of just because she's Suzie.

Each to their own, it’s not for me even if we didn’t need 2 incomes. I just worry about SAHMs being financially dependent - and particularly those who are not married. I see a fair amount of SAHMs on here who don’t seem to be aware of the financial risks of not being married. Or SAHMs who’ve split from their partner and are struggling as they have no recent work experience.