What’s with all the hate for SAHM

[Howarewealldoing]

Following on from a post yesterday( who did work) but everyone assumed they didn’t. If they don’t sign on ,I don’t understand all the negativity. Or why some people get so worked up about something that doesn’t affect them .

It goes both ways on Mumsnet but the confirmation bias means you see the people attacking your choices more. Yes, loads are shitty about SAHP but you also get the ‘I wouldn’t want other people bringing my children up’ and ‘why have children to stick them in childcare’ etc.

In a nutshell.

You do what you can, or what you have to. That's life. Everyone has to make choices based on their circumstances or needs. No decision is a wrong decision, if it's the right decision for you!

Well you can be both. I’m a stay at home mother, also financially independent and I had a great career. Also very much not a trad wife!

You can. But be honest, most aren’t. Then they post on here when their husbands have gone off with a more interesting younger model and realise they are screwed.

It’s not something I’d encourage my daughter to do.

And I understand that. My point is stay at home mother and “trad wife” are not the same thing.

we should be supporting other women and but tearing them down. Just do what works for your family and let your daughter do what’s good for hers. Offer advice by all means but not judgement or preconceived ideas

Do you think men who have wives who are SAHM are jealous of them?

For those condemning mums who stay at home when the children have started school in some cases it's justified I feel.
Some employers are still so inflexible regarding time off from school for children's illnesses, school holidays, school run times.
If you haven't got support from other people for these scenarios then life could be more stressful than it's worth.
Childcare for these scenarios is becoming harder to get & is expensve. Commutes are becoming very time consuming with all the traffic on the road.
I'd find the stress of being on the non stop hamster wheel with young children in today's climate intolerable.
I'm so glad I had my dc in the 90's, life seemed easier then up until the credit crunch of 2008.

How many SAHMs in the UK have actually made the choice based on tradwife ideology though?

Almost every SAHM I’ve known became one because of circumstances; childcare would cost more than they earned; child with SEND or other caring responsibilities; their own health issues etc. It’s different in the US where more people are influenced by religion and the lack of maternity leave, but I’d guess the majority of SAHMs on MN don’t identify as tradwives.

Personally it’s because the SAHMs I’ve known have been sanctimonious and can’t seem to help giving barbed comments about working mums. But the only reason they could stay at home was because a man brought money in and that felt a bit archaic. It was coming from an extremely privileged position which they couldn’t seem to see. Also, isn’t it just unemployment? Working Mums do everything a SAHM does, whilst also being employed

I agree. Pisses me off when people list all the things they do such as meal prep, food shopping, life admin etc. As if the rest of us don’t do those things as well as going out to work!

You not being to comprehend that, has very little to do with anything relating to the facts.

I disagree that staying at home with young DC is the hardest job. During my maternity leaves and school hols (I was a teacher), I found it much easier than working. Looking after 2 children was far easier than looking after 30. Guess it depends on the DC and the type of job.

I was a SAHM for 3 years it’s not for the faint hearted and very lonely. Hats off to anyone that enjoys it but I was one more episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse away from the nut house. People need to be more tolerant and open-minded.

I think the genuine hate is just from people who have their own issues and isn’t worth taking any notice of. There are a lot of women here who try to offer genuine advice to women to save them ending up in a bad situation from being a SAHM, which is different and isn’t hate.

I have been a SAHM since our first child was 2. I did go back part time for a while but I hated it and as I had properties I rented out which gave me an income and my partner earned well, I chose to be a SAHM, with my partners support. When I’ve mentioned it on threads discussing SAHMs, I have received some nasty comments, especially when I say I haven’t gone back to work despite my youngest being 16.

Tbf, I’ve seen working mums get a kicking on many occasions too.

You don't do much work for a CEO, then 😂

I don’t agree with this. I was a STAHM and my sons certainly don’t expect to be waited on by women. They treat their partners with respect and as equals. One son’s partner’s mum was STAHM and the other worked full time and both partners are very successful in their careers (no children).
Research in fact shows that children benefit from having a parent at home.

Again, only being able to comprehend from your level of understanding, doesn't really have much bearing on the actual situation.

I kind of identify with the tradwife stuff - it doesn’t offend me at all - as in I do nearly all the cooking, house stuff and shopping. I do have a cleaner once a week. I enjoy it - I always have and lots of women do, hence the rising popularity of “tradwife”.

A lot of young women are realising working isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

You can only do it if you have a husband who’s happy with it too - and you should also have independent means or make sure get a very good settlement if you divorce!

Running a house is work, hence the term housework.

Okay, help me understand.

My kids are on school holidays 18 weeks of the year. I spend all of that time with them. You, presumably, don't take 18 weeks of annual leave a year. Therefore, you spend less time with your kids than I do ("mumming them", in your words). Please do enlighten me as to where my "level of understanding" is falling down 😂

Running a home is done by both parents (hopefully both and not just left to one) whether working or not.
Same as being a full time parent regardless of whether you work or not.

I agree. You work as a team. The point I was making was running a home is work.

Agreed. I was SAHM and now work PT. When you are working, you still have everything to do at home (even if split with your spouse). When you are a SAHP, you set your own agenda.

Mine have 19 weeks holiday. They typically do 8.30 to 3.50 because they have daily chapel and choose to do extra curricular sports most days.

I take a bit of leave and work when they've gone to bed. I'll take the odd call during the day if it's an emergency but little else. If you're good at what you do, it's not difficult. Did you understand that?

Sorry, I forgot the emojis, did you understand that? 😂😂😂😂

Do not have an issue with either but some comments from both sides do show some serious lack of awareness of the situation for the partners who I do feel sorry for.

Some SAHMs def seem to think their DPs have an easy time because they are going to work and have 10 minutes driving in the car home to themselves. They point out that these DPs also do 50:50 in household stuff and child care when home but think they have an easy time.
Some of the expectations do make me realise why marriages/relationships fail whenDCS appear due to lack of communication and discussion of expectations.
Full time work and 50:50 household and childcare is alot to juggle but this does not seem to atisfy some SAHMS and i do feel for their DPs.

As a single parent, full time work, child in school and the house to run organise and maintian - it is bloody hard work and me time is non existent for some years. I base my opinons on that as to whether SAHM or WOHMs are being too precious.