I'm going mad. Maybe

[AnonyMouse33]

Husband went to friends house and got in hot tub and was joined by three women. All above board but I'm upset that it's inappropriate and obviously I wasnt there.
For context, we're a Christian family and this just got to me, as I would never put myself in this position I would be so worried that it would be insensitive and inappropriate. He doesn't agree with me at all, though he's apologised.

Is this unreasonable? He said most people would be totally fine with it?

More context needed . You don’t just randomly find three women readily available to go in a hot tub!!

No, I wouldn’t be fine with it and in fairness my dp who is very laid back wouldn’t be fine with it, if it was me.
When you live with someone you know what they’d be fine either way and you know the boundaries, he knows yours, he’s overstepped and now he’s blaming you.

No not everyone would be fine with it at all.

Would you be upset if he went into a swimming pool with 3 women?

What about this hot tub scenario is different from the swimming pool?

Who were the 3 women? Wife and daughters of your husband’s friend? Sex workers?

How is Christianity relevant? I cannot remember that Christ had anything to say against hot tubs.

The connotations of a hot tub are not the same as those of a swimming pool.

He went to a friend's house for a gathering. People were invited to use the tub and he was the only man who went for it.

It's obviously more of an intimate setting as opposed to swimming where you're just .... swimming

I’ve been in a hot tub with random men at a spa and the gym - there’s only one, I’m already in there and they hop in, is that an issue? I don’t really see the problem to be honest, if there’s space then anyone can sit in it.

What did he wear? Not being a hot tub person, I assume you dont wear your undies so did he already know he was going to get in before he left your house?

Thanks. Helpful. We have fairly high ideals and boundaries in relationships such as waiting for marriage etc.
With regard to the hot tub it just doesn't fit with how we'd normally prioritise our marriage, image etc.

except people rarely "swim" in a swimming party at a friends home, usually float about, tread water, some lazy forward strokes while chatting and either staying cool or staying warm.
hot tub issue a large hot tub with lots of people around doesn't sound "intimate" might be nice if he wanted to relax (aches pains sore muscles).
i'm christian and know perfectly well how to behave appropriately in closer than usual settings.

We have a hot tub and a couple of people usually end up getting in when we have friends round. As long as they weren't naked I can't see a problem.

Maybe they were baptising each other

Closer contact

Would you be upset if he went in the jacuzzi at the gym? Or at a spa? As long as everyone is wearing bathers I don't think it's a problem.

I wouldn’t have an issue with it

Trust in a marriage is more important than image. So, although you may not like 3 women being in a hot tub with your DH (I wouldn’t much like it), do you trust your husband? If so, no harm done. He was just joining in at his friend’s house - letting his hair down as ‘they’ say.

You are being very very unreasonable. I am sure you can trust him.

Tbh i wouldn’t have trusted my ex h in a hot tub with 3 women but he’s a different kettle of fish.

Was it full of holy water ?

I don’t see much of an issue with it. I suppose I can see why it may feel a little bit odd but presumably they had swimwear on. Did he know the women?

We have ‘high’ ideals, never needed to talk about boundaries as it’s never come up. We trust each other, love each other, have a wonderful marriage. We’ve never needed to ‘prioritise’ our marriage, it’s just that. If you have to work on it so hard and force yourselves and make it explicit that your prioritising it, well it suggests there are issues you need to work on?

Why are you sure I can trust him?

If you can't then that's not an hot tub issue, it's a trust issue.