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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
beccahamlet · 04/01/2026 06:15

This wasn't your question, but I can't believe they didn't treat you to the takeaway after you've looked after them so well.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 04/01/2026 06:18

YANBU - he is being a greedy pig.

PerfectPerfect · 04/01/2026 06:19

Well done for not biting back. I don't think I could have kept quiet. No you're not unreasonable. The curry was yours.

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/01/2026 06:19

I’d just say “Lola is all shared out, but you are welcome to treat her to curry any time you please” and eat it in front of him with gusto. Rude.

Justlostmybagel · 04/01/2026 06:20

What a cheeky twat.

Bettyfromlondon · 04/01/2026 06:20

Being very blunt here, please let this be the kick up the backside to never let these freeloaders under your roof again.

Grumblies · 04/01/2026 06:21

beccahamlet · 04/01/2026 06:15

This wasn't your question, but I can't believe they didn't treat you to the takeaway after you've looked after them so well.

To be honest this was my first thought.

Who are these people who have taken advantage of your hospitality for 5 days and not even offered to pay for a takeaway?

Please tell me you won't host the ungrateful bunch again.

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:24

Ok thanks everyone! I’m overthinking it I think, i was having a sudden panic that I’d behaved really strangely.

They’re DH old university friends. We’ve been living overseas for a long time so this is the first time they’ve been to stay with us in our new home and so there isn’t really a precedent set for how the cooking/ food situation goes. I suppose it was in the back of my mind they might offer to pay for the takeaway, which I would have declined but appreciated the offer. As it was, they didn’t even offer 😂 They’ve already mentioned us going to stay with them in a few months so perhaps they’ll provide all the food and drinks in return then?!

OP posts:
bananafake · 04/01/2026 06:25

He was absolutely out of line. Sounds like a greedy bastard. Also why were you doing all the cooking and clearing away? Why didn’t your DH help especially if they were his friends? Also I’d be a bit annoyed that he didn’t tell his friend to pipe down. You handled it really well but it’s easier for him to say something as it’s his friends.

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:28

bananafake · 04/01/2026 06:25

He was absolutely out of line. Sounds like a greedy bastard. Also why were you doing all the cooking and clearing away? Why didn’t your DH help especially if they were his friends? Also I’d be a bit annoyed that he didn’t tell his friend to pipe down. You handled it really well but it’s easier for him to say something as it’s his friends.

Honestly- DH is genuinely more of a hindrance in the kitchen, when it comes to cooking at least. When it comes to clearing away he usually does his share but I’ve actually appreciated him and the guests moving to a different room so I can just get on with the clearing away in peace and have a bit of time to myself!

OP posts:
FreddysFingers · 04/01/2026 06:28

No way, that was really rude and grabby of him! It was YOUR leftovers from the takeaway, not the general leftovers from your cooking. Even if he made the first comment as you took your curry out, he should have stopped when you dished it up for yourself, what did the other guests have to say when he was making these rude and grabby comments? And yes, agree with a PP who said that you should have been treated to that curry anyway!

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 04/01/2026 06:36

Why would you have declined their offer to pay for the takeaway?

Grumblies · 04/01/2026 06:40

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 04/01/2026 06:36

Why would you have declined their offer to pay for the takeaway?

I don't understand why you would have declined either? They got food, beds and waited on by you cooking and cleaning up after them all for 5 days. Paying for a curry should have been the very bare minimum in showing their appreciation.

I also wouldn't hold your breath at the whole thing being reciprocated. I expect if they invite you to stay at theirs they will expect you to once again be their skivvy.

Morningcof · 04/01/2026 06:45

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Morningcof · 04/01/2026 06:46

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LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2026 06:49

you are right that was your curry unless you told people otherwise. He was being very cheeky.

Kitterkitkat · 04/01/2026 06:49

I'm glad you weren't deterred and still finished off the rest of your curry

DeftGoldHedgehog · 04/01/2026 06:53

What a greedy pig he is. YANBU.

I'd have done the same but would've called him a fat bastard first.

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/01/2026 06:55

I’m so glad you stood up to that greedy bully and ate your curry!! If you go to stay with them remind dh his friends were really pretty greedy pigs and we won’t be offering to take them out in thanks, we’ve already pre thanked them very generously and he had the absolute nerve to have a go at me for having my own leftover curry, just because the greedy sod has never had leftovers of his own.

HelmholtzWatson · 04/01/2026 06:55

it's half a portion of leftover curry....

CremeCarmel · 04/01/2026 06:55

Grumblies · 04/01/2026 06:40

I don't understand why you would have declined either? They got food, beds and waited on by you cooking and cleaning up after them all for 5 days. Paying for a curry should have been the very bare minimum in showing their appreciation.

I also wouldn't hold your breath at the whole thing being reciprocated. I expect if they invite you to stay at theirs they will expect you to once again be their skivvy.

They didn’t offer so…

GreenLettuceSalad · 04/01/2026 07:03

I think the friend was rude as you had already put dinner on the table and separately heated the curry while everyone else was already digging in.

As an aside why didn’t they wait for you, the host, to sit down before starting to eat? What dreadful manners are they always this inconsiderate? I know my DH would refuse to eat and would be quite verbal to others to wait, until I was seated.

I can’t imagine sharing a half curry with several people either seems like such a silly comment from that person.

I think next time you shouldn’t feel obligated to pay, cook or clean up after every meal for these people. You’ll just end up doing it for years not only for friends but family too. Put your foot down!

firstofallimadelight · 04/01/2026 07:11

I’d have said “hmmm you have a massive plateful of MY food so I guess I do share” then stared him out

PsychoHotSauce · 04/01/2026 07:11

I laughed when he had a dig at you not sharing, but he had no intention of sharing it when he said "I'll have that!"

Really greedy and cheeky.

BadgernTheGarden · 04/01/2026 07:14

Left over takeaway I would eat myself but wouldn't give to guests. I would be a bit concerned how safe it would be to eat the next day (you never know how it was treated before you got it) so my reasons for not offering it wouldn't be because it was mine.

Otherwise I would have put all the leftovers out including 'my' leftovers. But as a guest I wouldn't have been demanding share if it wasn't offered, unless I was a bestie and desperate for a bit!

Hope they are equally generous when you visit them.

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