To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

Which the other guests wouldn't have known though as presumably no-one's policing or keeping track of how much curry each person did or didn't have left over at the end of the night.
So I think it's only natural to think curry would be part of the leftovers too if someone's said "it's leftovers from yesterday today!"
(Yes, they could have contributed towards the cost but that's a separate issue)

When it was delivered thr night before, was it served sharing style eg in the middle of the table with everyone to help themselves? Or did everyone eat their individual portions? I think it would be really odd for everyone to eat their individual portions then claim you should share yours that you'd left.

They sound rude and ungrateful

I don’t understand how people can be so rude. I also don’t understand how most people don’t get bankrupted by situations like this, given how much food costs these days!

clearly it was your curry and he’s a CF. Just don’t invite him if he can’t even show gratitude.

i would have stuck a fork in his hand for stealing food.

If you order food, leave it and then want to have it the next day thats fine - it is your food.

leftovers from a cooked meal might be fair game but not for food you have ordered in for yourself.

It was definitely your curry and you were right to stand your ground. What a cheek him saying "I'll have that" as if he could just claim your curry. Greedy pig! Glad you ate it in front of him!

I wouldn't be inviting them ever again! Hope they paid for the pub lunch to say thank you for all the food and drink they had consumed for their stay.

They are hideously ungrateful people but I think YABU to eat something different to your guests, I'd have kept the curry for later.

You paid for all their curry????

This. I can't get past this.

I'd have probably told the greedy twat he's had enough of my food.

You were totally entitled to your 1/2 portion of leftover curry when the guy already had a plateful of yummy leftovers. It’s not like you’d given them all scraps and cooked yourself wagyu steak! After all that hosting you were entitled to first dibs on anything, but particularly something you’d bought for yourself (and everyone else had already eaten theirs). I think it was just the opinion of that one greedy man and none of the other guests were thinking the same as him

Load of old bollocks.

A grown adult should be a hinderance to no-one in the kitchen and if he is, all you have to do is keep out of it while he does his fair share of cooking for HIS friends 🙄

So many women on here falling for strategic incompetence while the bloke puts his feet up.

The well known legal principle of "my gaff, my rules" should clearly apply here

The best of the food for herself?
It was leftover curry!
Did you even read the post?

Possibly but astonishingly rude to keep hammering on about it after being given a reasonable explanation

Hmmm I think you were a bit rude in making your own separate food and not offering to share it, my expectation in this scenario would be that all leftovers would be shared so I would find it a bit odd that you did this. Was everyone else not all sharing the leftover sides, which presumably means you/DH also shared some of their leftovers? But i think he was extremely rude in asking to have it and then pushing when you said no. I also think their behaviour - letting you cook every time and leaving you to pay for things - is disgustingly rude and I wouldn't invite them back.

A friend of mine had a christening for her grand daughter. Her son’s school friends just shovelled as much food as they could on their plates (yes, all men!) so when she came to have something they had scoffed it all. She isn’t stingy at all and she knew the food was t going to last when she saw those selfish grown men going up a number of times.

Some people can be incredibly selfish and we have a big obesity issue in the UK because people can no longer recognise a portion size.

I wouldn't have food just for me when we're all sharing leftovers so yabu

I think if everybody bought one main curry and you didn’t finish yours then it definitely was your curry, however I also think it was a bit rude to take it out and eat it in front of your guests without offering any up to anyone else. I think in this situation you should have either saved the curry for after they’d gone or offered it as part of the leftovers. Plating up for yourself a different meal to your guests isn’t really the done thing when hosting, even if there was only really enough for one.

If he's in the kitchen and you're somewhere else relaxing, then he's not a hindrance, he's just cooking.

They sound like awful guests and like they're taking their lead from your husband.

Also it was your curry and that's the end of it.

Everyone already ate their own curry. She can finish her own whenever she likes.

I guess everyone hosts differently? When people come to stay with us I don’t expect any financial contribution towards food, and that’s ok. If anyone else does, that’s ok too. I wasn’t complaining about no money towards it, my Aibu was in relation to whether I should have viewed the leftover curry as mine or something that should have been shared. I mentioned the fact that we had each paid for our own just to make it clear that I had also paid.

I mean, each to their own, but I don’t consider myself as having been a doormat for cooking and cleaning up the kitchen after having guests? As I say though, each to their own.

Oh … that’s excellent.
There his friends. He can deal with the food next time. And if he struggles, they eat crap or whatever, well….. so be it?

Going out of your way fur ither people is great.
They’ve shown they have no manners and took you and your work for granted.
You don’t need to put yourself out there for them again. Or at least not until they’ve shown they’ve realised how shit their behaviour was.

You may not, but your DH's friend get to eat and drink to their heart's content without contributing, and without your DH lifting a finger. They see the good little wifie scurrying about after them, mothering them and cleaning up their mess. No wonder the friend thought he was entitled.