To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

if I were a.n.other guest or DH I would be saying in no uncertain terms to (first name last name), hands off @Lolabear38 curry! Did no one jump to your defence?

This was my first thought as well. If I was doing leftovers with friends I'd have just put a bit of everything on the plates. Keeping one part of the loftivers to yourself is odd. It doesn't matter if the curry would have only been a small amount, it would have made the overall 'leftover' meal nicer for everyone to have that variation on their plate.

Having said that the DH friend sounds greedy and rude. Also, from the OP sounded like he wanted to take just the whole lot of leftover curry for himself. Selfish pig.

Im also amazed that the guests didn't pay for the takeaway. Have they paid for any meals when with you OP? We visited friends in France last month. We paid for every single meal we had out with them. They wouldn't be having those meals if it wasn't for us so that felt right, and to show our appreciation for their hospitality. I thought everyone did this.

He was just being an ungracious cheeky fucker. Ignore

It was ALL her food in the first place.

Yes, it's very odd to have a group buffet and eat something set aside for yourself.

There are plenty of posts after the one you quoted by people who think the same, so I'm not that odd. In my day it would have been called "manners". Though of course these days individual feelings tend to trump those, as the rude behaviour of her guest who wanted a share of the curry shows.

I think we'd have shared everything out in our house, but it was by rights your curry.

I actually hate sharing food, but if we get a takeaway we always do it! My dh would actually rather not get a takeaway than just order one meal and rice each 😒. Occasionally I order one on my own but it somehow isn't as fun... so there you go.

I like hearing other people's takeaway etiquette, so always love threads about them.

Yes odd. Everyone had ordered different sides the previous evening and these were being shared out for the leftovers plate. So everyone was in the position that their ordered food was being shared out to make a nicer, more varied plate. I can't imagine keeping my part of the leftovers to myself in those circumstances. Otherwise why not just keep to giving individual leftovers to each person. I'd just share everything out between us. It sounds like the guests have been selfish and ungrateful but still think it's weird to just sit with one part of the leftovers then divvy up everything else for the rest of the group.

You were not out of line at all. He was! Plenty of food for him without your curry as well.

This scenario did strike me as something I would end up posting about. You’ve been so hospitable for several days, generous and done the bulk of the work, but despite that you end up worrying about whether you should have shared half a portion of your curry. I end up with these thoughts too - rather than being able to just think “cheeky git “ and move on!

I do hope they look after you well when you visit them.

They are CFs. Bin them off.

A good friend of ours stayed over recently as it was halfway on a very long journey and he wouldn't let me cook a thing. He ordered in and paid for meals both nights. I would have happily cooked but he was insistent 😊

The point of what? Whether something should be shared between numerous people?

When you're considering whether something should be shared, the quantity is very salient. I'm surprised anyone would think otherwise! Very different suggesting sharing a loaf of bread between 4 to suggesting sharing one slice - do you disagree?

Well there were either other things on the table which were in short supply too, since it was a buffet of leftovers, or it would have been unwise to put out only one dish where there wasn't enough to share around.

So either way, the point you've missed remains not what the quantity was but the reservation of one tasty dish for one person only when it was a group buffet.

i would no way play hostesss to 5 greedy men for 5 days and act as a 1950 house wife

your husband owes you big time , I’d be more concerned with what he is going to do to treat you when they leave ???

personally I’d have shared my curry to keep the peace and prevent and bad feeling and to be the nicest host but he was incredibly cheeky to ask . I am assuming you are all wealthy and this level of hosting expectation and experience is not only going to be reciprocated With the MEN doing the hosting. NOT their wives next time ???

shame on you for letting your husband treat you as a house maid

This. The greedy, cheeky twat! I'd tell them all to fuck off out of my house tbh

Men in general Are greedy. I work with many....

It's the leftovers from your specific meal the night before, he had no right to it. This would have been even more obvious if the delay between eating the first half and the second half had been half an hour instead of 24 hours! Picture it:

You've all sat down with your food - you have only put half of your curry on your plate because you don't think you can eat that much. Everyone finishes eating, you're all chatting away, and you're still feeling a bit peckish... everyone else has eaten their whole curry... sod it, you're having the rest of yours! And as you put it on your plate, greedy guts pipes up "ooh, I didn't realise there was any curry left! "

He'd get some looks at the very least, wouldn't he?

You're genuinely saying that when you're deciding whether food ahould be shared, the quantity is irrelevant? You go through the same decision-making process for one slice of bread as you do for a loaf of bread?

That seems bizarre to me. If I have a small quantity of food, like a cream cracker, it wouldn't occur to me to offer to share it out.

Are yo a free loader too?

Why the hell didn't your guests pay for the whole takeaway? Rude bastards. Do not invite them again. The comment that you "don't share food" after days of generosity is nauseatingly insulting.

If there wasn't enough to share at a group buffet there was an option to leave it in the fridge/freezer and eat it later.

Totally agree. Unbelievable they did not after five days of stuffing their faces with food and drink at op's expense.

Sounds like one of them hasn’t matured past his uni student days. You were totally in the right not to share with him.

I wouldn’t be repeating this set up again.

I don't believe OP said that the side dishes from the curry were being shared out. I read it that they had all been eaten and only half the OP's curry was left.

I read it that the leftovers were from other meals that OP had made.

But sharing the curry to keep the peace and be the nicest host is behaving like a1950s housewife. Sod that.

This. Able to get a university degree but a ‘liability’ in the kitchen…? Strategic incompetence. Clever.

As for the guests - they’re taking you for a mug as much as your useless DH. You don’t have to invite them ever again but what are you going to do about a man who is happy to sit on his arse and let you be the good little domestic drone?

I understand why this might look like a sexist role thing, but don't think it's necessarily that.

I do all the running around when my DH's friends come. When my friends come over, my DH does the same for me. I find it preferable to being left making small talk with his friends while he runs around. When we both know the guests well we split things.

Agree he should be thanking OP, though.