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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
MrsJeanLuc · 04/01/2026 07:15

firstofallimadelight · 04/01/2026 07:11

I’d have said “hmmm you have a massive plateful of MY food so I guess I do share” then stared him out

This.
Or "did you share your curry last night?"

I voted YANBU, but I do have to ask why you didn't get them to contribute more (both money and effort)? And agree with PPs that you have set a precedent for future visits of you doing all the work.

Nomnomnew · 04/01/2026 07:18

Urgh you were definitely not being unreasonable OP. This reminds me of when some of DH friends came to stay with us for several days from abroad. We provided all the food and drink for the several nights they stayed, with me cooking all of it everyday. DH’s friend then made some dig at me at the pub making out I was tight for not buying him a drink. I hit the roof having provided ALL
his food and drink, driven him around and put him up for several nights at my expense! Think he at least realised his mistake though, sounds like your DH’s friend is a bit oblivious.

Well done for standing up for yourself!

EMUKE · 04/01/2026 07:22

What a CF. Yeah they would not be getting an open house offer next year. I’d even go as far to comment when they leave… “Can’t wait for you to have us next”. I’m sorry but some people will take kindness for weakness. Thats not just an off the cuff comment.

EMUKE · 04/01/2026 07:22

What a CF. Yeah they would not be getting an open house offer next year. I’d even go as far to comment when they leave… “Can’t wait for you to have us next”. I’m sorry but some people will take kindness for weakness. Thats not just an off the cuff comment.

Hollybollyhughes · 04/01/2026 07:25

We eat leftover curry as there's usually more than enough for a second meal. You were too polite to the ungrateful, greedy git. Perhaps your retort should have been "well you could have had curry if you hadn't shoved it down your greedy gob and eaten it all". Also did this person share theirs? Wouldn't invite this bunch of freeloaders again either. You're not a hotel, but a home therefore you muck in and help with the cost etc.

PrincessFairyWren · 04/01/2026 07:26

I think that he was extremely rude for his words and for not shouting the pub meal or paying for the take away etc. I wouldn’t want them coking back.

However if I wanted the left over curry for myself I would have his it in the back of the fridge and eaten it when I was alone. It does sound a bit strange to me that you would serve different food for your guests and yourself.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 04/01/2026 07:28

The friend was rude and greedy

However by being a doormat for their 5 days with you, you've set a precedent for them to treat you badly

MySweetGeorgina · 04/01/2026 07:35

Oh but how awkward to not share everything out though 😅

it sounds draining to have to cater for people you do not even like for 5 days and him being insistent on having the curry was odd, but then you keeping the nicest bit of food b back for yourself was odd too

i had dinner at friends’s house (their idea) and they plated us up food, then once we had our plates they brought out a special dish just for themselves

it was so odd, yes they feed us, but to me holding back the nice food just for yourself when you are hosting and then eating at the same table is weird behaviour imo and not very hospitable. We had lots of bread and some ham in our plates, the potato salad and smoke salmon was just for them 😂😂😂

i always make sure my guests have what they like and served myself last

Zanatdy · 04/01/2026 07:44

Cannot believe they didn’t offer to pay for the takeaway when you’ve hosted them and spent a fortune on food. Height of rudeness. Fair enough if he asks if the curry is to share, but when you made it clear it wasn’t, he was extremely rude saying what he did. I would not be having these people to stay again.

HideousKinky · 04/01/2026 07:46

I hope they all paid for your pub lunch, as a thanks for your hospitality?

sunnysunshinebear · 04/01/2026 07:49

Was the ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food’ based on friends with Joey saying ‘Joey doesn’t share food’? I’ve heard it quoted as a joke by friends. But totally unnecessary and rude! I can’t believe they have let you pay so much and not contributed much to the all food!!

Jellybean23 · 04/01/2026 07:51

I wouldn’t have them back and I wouldn’t want to visit them.

Coco64 · 04/01/2026 07:51

I am interested to know what DH felt about the freeloading? Very rude and ungrateful in my opinion. Next time set better ground rules before any friends are invited again.

Bjorkdidit · 04/01/2026 07:52

HelmholtzWatson · 04/01/2026 06:55

it's half a portion of leftover curry....

Which the OP gets first dibs on because everyone else had a full portion the day before and she only had half.

I can only ever eat half a portion especially when there's rice, naan, sides etc and when I do, too fucking right am I having it again the next day.

But I wouldn't have spent the last 5 days doing 90% of the catering for his friends either.

Yourlifeinyourhands · 04/01/2026 07:52

I’d not have these people over again. Tight bastards!

Housequandary · 04/01/2026 07:57

MySweetGeorgina · 04/01/2026 07:35

Oh but how awkward to not share everything out though 😅

it sounds draining to have to cater for people you do not even like for 5 days and him being insistent on having the curry was odd, but then you keeping the nicest bit of food b back for yourself was odd too

i had dinner at friends’s house (their idea) and they plated us up food, then once we had our plates they brought out a special dish just for themselves

it was so odd, yes they feed us, but to me holding back the nice food just for yourself when you are hosting and then eating at the same table is weird behaviour imo and not very hospitable. We had lots of bread and some ham in our plates, the potato salad and smoke salmon was just for them 😂😂😂

i always make sure my guests have what they like and served myself last

Edited

But the guests already had this "nicer food" yesterday. They all had their full servings of curry in one sitting, OP just held half of theirs back. OP didn't have anything the guests hadn't already had themselves.

Owly11 · 04/01/2026 07:58

5 days of hospitality? They clearly see you as the hired help. Never again host these people they are cunts.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 04/01/2026 08:00

What you should have done was scraped it into the bin in front of him and said, 'eat it if you want it cunt'.
Although probably not that festive, so well done on holding your ground.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 04/01/2026 08:02

sunnysunshinebear · 04/01/2026 07:49

Was the ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food’ based on friends with Joey saying ‘Joey doesn’t share food’? I’ve heard it quoted as a joke by friends. But totally unnecessary and rude! I can’t believe they have let you pay so much and not contributed much to the all food!!

It is one thing to quote a badly written sitcom, quite another to be a greedy wanker.

Firebox64 · 04/01/2026 08:04

"Actually, Lola has been sharing food with you all week." Sweetest of smiles is an optional accompaniment.

Bikergran · 04/01/2026 08:04

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:24

Ok thanks everyone! I’m overthinking it I think, i was having a sudden panic that I’d behaved really strangely.

They’re DH old university friends. We’ve been living overseas for a long time so this is the first time they’ve been to stay with us in our new home and so there isn’t really a precedent set for how the cooking/ food situation goes. I suppose it was in the back of my mind they might offer to pay for the takeaway, which I would have declined but appreciated the offer. As it was, they didn’t even offer 😂 They’ve already mentioned us going to stay with them in a few months so perhaps they’ll provide all the food and drinks in return then?!

In that case, visit, freeload as much as possible, then don't bother with them again. Although I have a strong suspicion they WON'T cater like you have, and will be going out/ordering in and expecting you to split the bill from the outset. If that happens, invent an emergency that requires you to leave and return home. Are they the types that order more than anyone else then expect to split the bill equally at restaurants, too?

Grumblies · 04/01/2026 08:04

MySweetGeorgina · 04/01/2026 07:35

Oh but how awkward to not share everything out though 😅

it sounds draining to have to cater for people you do not even like for 5 days and him being insistent on having the curry was odd, but then you keeping the nicest bit of food b back for yourself was odd too

i had dinner at friends’s house (their idea) and they plated us up food, then once we had our plates they brought out a special dish just for themselves

it was so odd, yes they feed us, but to me holding back the nice food just for yourself when you are hosting and then eating at the same table is weird behaviour imo and not very hospitable. We had lots of bread and some ham in our plates, the potato salad and smoke salmon was just for them 😂😂😂

i always make sure my guests have what they like and served myself last

Edited

It's even odder you posted this completely separate situation thinking it was in any way similar to what the OP described...

She didn't hold back the nice food she simply ate the rest of her food from the day before. Hmm

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 04/01/2026 08:04

I think I’d have responded with “Lola’s been sharing her food, booze and home with you for 5 days so Lola’s going to enjoy the curry that belongs to her now”.

littleJoyful · 04/01/2026 08:12

I can see why that felt a bit off for you. It’s understandable to want to keep your own leftovers separate

Ooodelally · 04/01/2026 08:15

firstofallimadelight · 04/01/2026 07:11

I’d have said “hmmm you have a massive plateful of MY food so I guess I do share” then stared him out

Absolutely this! What a greedy pig and rude to boot, he fully deserved being put back in his box. Also, why didn’t your partner tell him he was being a rude, greedy pig? Why is he allowing his friends to not only treat you like a skivvy but speak to you disrespectfully as well? I’d never be hosting them again!