To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

YANBU - How cheeky saying you don't share - classic sponger / CF behaviour.

Yes but it does depend on whether you see food as ‘belonging’ to someone after the meal is finished. In my house/family when we get a curry (every few weeks or so) we chose a main dish each and share the sides. Sometimes we will have a taste of one another’s main, but in general
the mains are for whoever ordered them. BUT if one of us doesn’t finish our main dish, and there are leftovers it would all be fair game at the end of the meal or the next day if we had leftovers for lunch as sometimes happens. I don’t know that ‘mine’ is something most or all people think about leftover takeaway food - especially if other leftover food is being shared.

Which is fine in your own house but as a guest, especially if you have a plate full of food already then you don't ask for someone else's food knowing that you had all of your curry the previous day.

Clearly houses can be very different. In my house, a curry isn't fair game a day later just because someone hasn't finished it. It still belongs to them just as it did the previous day.

Stop inviting greedy pigs to stay in your house! 😂. That is so rude!

I have read the whole thread but I think there is the issue of the tone of OP’s original post that she “couldn’t face” cooking another huge meal and that she has paid for “90%” of the food and drink. Perhaps this has set off comments about DH not helping.
I would do the same as you OP and as it was my curry then I would have eaten the leftovers from it. I hate wasting food and as a vegetarian I have had many experiences of other people also eating all the vegetarian food leaving me with very little.

The guest had a plateful of food and could have had most likely several more plates if he is a “big eater” and firstly saying “I’ll have that” was rude rather than saying PLEASE could I have a bit.
Secondly the greedy guest was rude to keep drawing attention to OP eating her own curry. There was no need for this, food and drink isn’t cheap nowadays and OP and her DH have paid for so much already and have been incredibly generous.

Part of being hospitable though is relaxing your rules a bit and leaning into generosity when you have guests. But as I said minor faux pas and not really something to get het up about when you’ve otherwise been an impeccable host.

They don't sound like very nice people to come and freeload off you like they did.Perhaps you will come back when you have stayed with them and tell us what it was like?
With 4,500 posts, I am sure that there are a lot of mumsnetters who would love to know, me included!

It doesn't mean allowing CFs to walk all over you though. If it was a full curry and he had asked politely? My opinion would likely be different but ''I'll have some of that'' followed by ''OP doesn't share food'' when he has a plate full of food I had prepared for him? Fuck that, he wouldn't be getting any more of my generosity.

Bloody hell.

OP - after the first few pages I skipped to reading only your posts and those you quoted. But if those you quoted are any barometer for the rest of the thread, I think you’re a bloody saint! I’d want to shove a frog up the nightie of the loons telling you you’re some kind of downtrodden tradwife because you like cooking (when you never even asked for comments on the division of labour in your marriage).

On the plus side, these weirdos probably made your curry-gobbling guests seem quite bearable by comparison 😆

You’ve really never known anyone finish a meal just because they enjoyed it, rather than being absolutely desperately hungry for every tiny morsel? How very odd.

The stick up the pipe “In my house food is plentiful and shared” comment makes me want to retch too.

@Twinkletoes127

you must cook loads initially to be able to keep bringing more out to put on the centre of the table whenever you see an empty plate? I couldn’t be arsed with that, must cost a fortune also!

@Twinkletoes127

plus after eating a full portion of takeaway curry NO ONE needs more food however satisfied or not satisfied they feel after. It’s probably a full days worth of calories in one sitting! OP doesn’t need to sacrifice her remaining curry that she plans on eating another time just to satisfy others gluttony!

Because we don’t to eat reheated food!

Then you are missing out and possibly being wasteful, @BrendaSmall.

That’s weird.

On previous messages Brenda seems to be a 60+ year old with no children at home, who cooks cottage pies and roasts and very hearty meals - fuck knows how she makes all that in tiny 2 person portions... must be halving the recipes...

what a waste

Bloody hell. Leave her alone. She doesn’t need to eat leftovers if she doesn’t want to. Just like you lot don’t need to be good hosts if you don’t want to.

But that was your curry. Just because you aren't able or don't want to eat the whole thing (I would have split it into at least two meals also) doesn't mean you have to share purely due to having not eaten it last night. He was flipping rude-it was YOUR curry.

@BrendaSmall

Why so vexed? Whether Brenda wants to eat reheated food makes no difference to your life whatsoever.

Oh, and an older single woman with no children can eat what the fuck they want

I just noticed you tagged Brenda on my reply to you. how cute! I'm sure she can find my message without any help...

Or are you one of those people that reply to facebook posts just tagging a name?

@TinyTear

obviously I meant to tag you as the person who can’t seem to get over Brenda’s choices about food and thinks that having children at home should bear any influence on what she wants to eat - it doesn’t!

If it’s nobody else’s business, why the little dig about the rest of us not being good hosts?

Thankyou for your reply. We have a different way of eating in our house that is more southern European in style than what is more the norm in the UK
No one in my family is gluttonous, it's just a slightly different way of serving food.
Me, DH and DD went out for lunch last week, and as usual we ordered a selection of food to share. Hate our way all you want, I dont give 2 hoots.

I think if it works for your house, it works for your house. Everyone clearly agrees and are very happy with the setup.

I think that's very different to everyone having their own curries, eating your own curry but then expecting someone else's curry the next day. If it was all shared the previous day, I'd feel slightly differently about it.

Hate our way all you want, I dont give 2 hoots.

Well that’s fine; I’m sure you don’t. But YOU were the one who made blanket, and rude, assumptions that the OP’s guests MUST have still been hungry because they actually finished their food.

it's just a slightly different way of serving food.

Perhaps you could demonstrate the same attitude to the OP’s way of doing things.