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AIBU?

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Original poster

If I can't pay for dd's boyfriend

244 replies

Fillyourdreams · 01/01/2026 22:30

Dd has been in a relationship for a couple of years now. Both are early 20's and still live with parents. As a family we go on luxury holidays every 2 - 3 yrs budget allowing. We work extremely hard and both of us do extra overtime to pay for the holidays we love.
Dd contributes a fair amount which we work out based on her current salary. Her younger sister we obviously pay for in full as she isn't yet working.
We are now looking at going long haul this summer and within our budget we can do everything we want to do.
But as time goes on I feel really bad for dd's boyfriend. I think he would like to come with us but we cannot afford to pay for him too and he is not in a financial position to pay for himself either. Nothing is booked yet and I know dd really wants to come but also.know last time we went her boyfriend struggled being left. We go for around 3 weeks.
Is it awful to leave him or should we try and save more to take him too (this would mean delaying 18 mths ish). Especially if they end up moving in together in next few months.
I hate leaving him out but for us to pay for an extra adult is really difficult. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Thehop · 01/01/2026 22:32

Him and your daughter can do a cheaper holiday together and they can work an extra shift if they want to pay for him to come with you. I wouldn't delay for 18 months to pay for him.

HeddaGarbled · 01/01/2026 22:33

I think you’re probably reaching the stage where she doesn’t come on family holidays any more, or at least not the 3 week ones.

3luckystars · 01/01/2026 22:33

Just go on a cheaper holiday, you can’t have it all.

Vaxtable · 01/01/2026 22:34

They decide what they want, if they want him to come then both can save up the funds to pay for him, it’s generous that you are even paying for your daughter when she earns.

There is plenty of time for them to do so, just means no going out etc etc.

Sunshine1500 · 01/01/2026 22:34

You can’t plan a holiday round your daughter’s boyfriend. If he can’t afford to come this holiday maybe he’ll be able to save and contribute to next time. It’ll be something to look forward to.
or he goes a cheaper holiday with friends/ your daughter.

Drind · 01/01/2026 22:35

He really shouldn’t be struggling with not going away with his girlfriend’s family in his 20s.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 01/01/2026 22:35

They are living with their parents and they’re young - if they’re that desperate for him to come, they could pick up part time jobs to save for his costs surely?

HippeePrincess · 01/01/2026 22:35

I wouldn’t be paying/subsidising your dd in your position, she’ll have to pay for herself as will the boyfriend, or they go on a holiday they can afford by themselves.

NewbieSM · 01/01/2026 22:35

No you do not need to fund his holiday too. He and your daughter can save up and go on their own holiday if they want to. If your daughter feels bad going on a family holiday without him then she doesn’t have to go. You are under no obligation to delay your family holiday in order to save to pay for a non family member. Don’t feel guilty.

PhantomAfternoonTea · 01/01/2026 22:35

If you went for, say, two weeks, could you afford to take him then? Could he pay for his own flight at least? If you can't or don't want to, fair enough but it's a shame to leave him out if they're in a serious relationship.

Drind · 01/01/2026 22:36

PhantomAfternoonTea · 01/01/2026 22:35

If you went for, say, two weeks, could you afford to take him then? Could he pay for his own flight at least? If you can't or don't want to, fair enough but it's a shame to leave him out if they're in a serious relationship.

He’s a grown man. He isn’t being left out.

Ineffable23 · 01/01/2026 22:37

Could she come for just 10 days or 2 weeks or so of the holiday?

I don't think I'd have been struggling with my boyfriend/girlfriend being away for 3 weeks, but I would have been frustrated that they now only had 2 weeks worth of holiday left, one of which is likely to be eaten by Christmas, so then only one week for us to go away together.

Iloveacurry · 01/01/2026 22:38

No you shouldn’t be paying for the boyfriend.

Jinglejells · 01/01/2026 22:38

No I wouldn’t pay. I wouldn’t want to set that precedent with them. I would just continue with the holiday and they can save up to come. You won’t get many more with her, so it may be one of your last ones so I would just want it with just her.

Pinkladyapplepie · 01/01/2026 22:39

Of course he would like to go on a luxury holiday that he doesn't have to pay for, I would like to come too!
I have four young adult children 22-33 in the past I have paid for short breaks where they were welcome to bring partners(think lodge holiday in uk) but I wouldn't pay for anything so big. My three youngest are all coming away without their partners for various reasons this summer, but if they came they would pay for themselves as my own are doing.

Giftmarse · 01/01/2026 22:39

Of course you don't pay for him. You offer your daughter the chance to come with you, subsidised as you choose. Tell her she can come alone, or if he can pay his share he can come too. I would have thought it's about time they make their own arrangements that they can afford if they want a holiday together.

Sunshine1500 · 01/01/2026 22:40

he stays at home so if he really wanted to go he could work extra shifts and save the next couple of months wages.
You could offer to pay accommodation for everyone and they pay flights?
I wouldn’t feel bad about him not going.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/01/2026 22:40

No, I would not pay for him.
It hasn’t only been decided, he’s been aware of the upcoming plans, he could have saved up, taking on overtime.

Burntt · 01/01/2026 22:40

Absolutely don’t feel bad for not paying for him! Not if you can’t afford it!

im also a little concerned he couldn’t cope with 3 weeks away from her. I could have read that wrong as I e a history of abusive controlling relationship but that’s a red flag for me. Missing each other is one thing but HIM not coping is concerning. Perhaps is was just badly phrased tho

murasaki · 01/01/2026 22:41

He struggled being left out of a holiday he wasn't invited on and he couldn't pay for? Oh dear. Junior red flag. He can save up and come but you don't need to change your plans or pay for him. Your dd can decide if she wants to come or not, amd if she wants to help cover his costs with him.

Catladywithoutacat · 01/01/2026 22:41

He’s not your kid you dont need to pay for him he can pay for himself, he is man

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/01/2026 22:42

course, if you don’t pay for him, they both live at home. They’re both have jobs. Why can they not save enough money?

gamerchick · 01/01/2026 22:43

No.

Any partner that "struggles to be left" I think the other end probably needs a break from it.

Your daughter can decide on whether to come or not..its her relationship to navigate.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/01/2026 22:44

' but also.know last time we went her boyfriend struggled being left.'

Is he very needy ?

they don't even live together !

WimpoleHat · 01/01/2026 22:47

Agree with the other comments that he’s a grown man and not being “left out” - she’s simply choosing to go away with her family. Different if he were a husband or they lived as a family unit, but as it is, he’s really not your responsibility. She can choose to come with you or stay at home with him as she chooses.