If I can't pay for dd's boyfriend

[Fillyourdreams]

Dd has been in a relationship for a couple of years now. Both are early 20's and still live with parents. As a family we go on luxury holidays every 2 - 3 yrs budget allowing. We work extremely hard and both of us do extra overtime to pay for the holidays we love.
Dd contributes a fair amount which we work out based on her current salary. Her younger sister we obviously pay for in full as she isn't yet working.
We are now looking at going long haul this summer and within our budget we can do everything we want to do.
But as time goes on I feel really bad for dd's boyfriend. I think he would like to come with us but we cannot afford to pay for him too and he is not in a financial position to pay for himself either. Nothing is booked yet and I know dd really wants to come but also.know last time we went her boyfriend struggled being left. We go for around 3 weeks.
Is it awful to leave him or should we try and save more to take him too (this would mean delaying 18 mths ish). Especially if they end up moving in together in next few months.
I hate leaving him out but for us to pay for an extra adult is really difficult. Wwyd?

Context for my reply - back in 2018 my mid twenties girls asked for “one last family holiday”. It was to Alaska - a place we all had a bit of an itch to go to. Both had boyfriends.

Girls didn’t pay neither had the funds. The four of us went. Boyfriends survived. It was a really great trip. We were away for almost 3 weeks and spent about the same amount as the OP per person.

If I had included the boyfriends would they have come? Probably. Do I feel I should have included them? Absolutely not! It was our family trip.

They have gone on to have fabulous trips themselves now that they are earning decent money. Did I get invited now that I am a pensioner? Nope.

Go on your trip this summer OP. Daughter has to decide if she wants to go or if she wants to babysit her boyfriend.

Exactly,

he struggled because it’s a new relationship, he was little limits than a kid and he was a bit uncertain.

honestly every thread on here there is some bloke who is controlling someone according to some posters

I feel very strongly about my partner but I used the bulk of my holidays last year to go away with friends and suspect I’ll do the same this year.

Literally one of the most ridiculous comments ever. No boyfriend is entitled to have a paid fo holiday with their girlfriends parents

So your kids are freeriders?

What a horrible thing to say. In the current climate I know plenty of parents who help out their dc and GC with holidays. My 81yr old dad does with me and my dc - he can afford it whereas I can’t.

Absolutely! I’d consider this a red flag tbh.

So would I, unless there were really unusual circumstances. If that were the case, I would do a lower cost holiday, perhaps nearer to home.

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holidays you’re going on!

He can save up and pay for himself or his parents can pay. Or he stays home. Or if it is really that important to you that he comes, you choose a slightly cheaper holiday or go for 2 weeks instead of 3. There are lots of options here other than saving for another 18 months which seems stupid

Absolutely nuts.

A bloke in his 20s can well survive if his bird goes on holiday with her parents for a few weeks.

Don't worry about it.

@LemaxObsessive

what because she can’t afford to pay for a whole other (unrelated) adult to come too?!

Why?🤣🤣🤣🤣

We take our girls away and they choose not to invite their boyfriends as they can use the money they would have to pay to go on holiday with them. So my girls get 2 holidays. They're not daft. We go for 7-10 days though, as they both work and don't want to use all their leave going on holiday with us.

@Theimpossiblegirl

eh?! you give them extra money??

Seems odd to me that he struggled when she went on holiday with her family, they don't live together. Don't pay for him. If it meant that much to your DD she would decline the holiday, she may appreciate a family holiday without him but feel uncomfortable saying that.

I think what they’re saying is that there’s an understanding they’d have to pay to bring their boyfriends along. So by not they’re 50% of the way to their own holiday together

Yes, exactly that. Thanks.

Are you reading a different thread?

How the hell did you reach this conclusion 😂

Maybe just maybe, a young guy in his twenties thinks thousands of pounds hard saved money would not be best spent on a posh holiday with his girlfriends parents!!

If he's saving for a rental or house deposit or similar it's unlikely this is what he's going to spend a load of money on.

But he’s ok with his girlfriend’s parents spending their hard earned money on him??

Where has he said he expects his gf’s parents to pay for him? The op hasn’t said that is the case at all.

That’s true. Although the comments about “I think he would like to come with us” and “last time he struggled being left” do sound a bit like there has been some fishing going on, either by him or the DD.

This!

If living at home they have practically no spend!