to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

[CrazyCatMom]

I am absolutely knackered and so overstimulated I could scream.
Nursery is closed over Christmas, so I’ve had to book annual leave to care for my 21-month-old full time. I work in healthcare, so my job is already exhausting and emotionally draining, and this leave is meant to be precious recovery time… except it hasn’t been a break at all. It’s been relentless toddler care, no downtime, no switch-off.
Meanwhile my husband, who works in sport, has been at work every single day between Christmas and New Year. He’s deliberately saved his annual leave so he can take it later for child-free time.
What’s making this harder to swallow is that I’m the breadwinner. I earn roughly double his salary, cover the majority of the mortgage and bills, pay all of the nursery fees — and yet I’m also the one covering the bulk of the childcare, including taking annual leave when nursery is shut.
It feels like my annual leave is automatically assumed to be for childcare, while his is protected for rest and enjoyment. I know nursery closures aren’t his fault, but the imbalance feels really unfair, especially when I’m already carrying most of the financial load as well.
I’m resentful, touched-out and completely fed up with being the default parent who absorbs the impact of childcare logistics on top of everything else.
Not sure if this is an AIBU or just a vent, but I’m so tired of this dynamic and don’t know how to make it feel more equal.

But her DH takes time off to do whatever he wants while DC at nursery. He gets to unwind, she doesn’t. Eminently unfair.

Except he's working.
It's his busiest time according to the OPs post.
She's also taking more time off to do whatever she wants to do, according to OPs post.

So a possibly positive update from the OP.

If he works in football does that mean he gets a decent summer break meaning he can do the lions share of summer holiday childcare?

Perhaps also his club does school holiday activities that he can take your child to when they're older?

Mm no, I read that her DH will take time off later in the year but their child will still be at nursery and that when op takes time off work their child is not at nursery.

Mm no, she's talking about the 4 days between Christmas and New Year. By OPs own admission its her first Christmas since going back to work in April and hadn't had any conversation with her DH regarding taking time off. She's now has had a convo and they will both take time off next Christmas - and she's taking more off to do what she wants in Jan. It's clearer if you just read her 3 posts and not all the noise filled with others narratives and own experiences.

Yes, they should — but in real life, it’s not equal.
Women end up doing more housework and more caring for children and elderly relatives, whether or not they also have paid jobs. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that women do around 60% more unpaid work than men overall. And when it comes to couples, the pattern is pretty clear: about 8 out of 10 married women (around 77%) do more housework than their husbands.
So even though a lot of women are working, the bulk of the chores and caring still falls on them, which shows how far reality is from true equality.

Of course. My comment was made to someone who suggested that whichever partner earned less should do the bulk of the household work. My point is that if you earn more, man or woman, that doesn't mean you should not pull your weight at home. I earn 3x more than my husband but I respect his job - he works as hard as I do and I do not expect him to do more at home just because he earns less.