Am I Unreasonable To Be Surprised That 6 Friends Sent Me Happy New Year Messages Even Though My Daughter Has Just Died

[LadyMacbethWasFierce]

My beloved daughter died, totally unexpectedly, aged 24, on 29 October.

We are demented with grief over the loss of her.

DH and I and our other 2 younger children went to Morocco over Christmas to escape the UK. We arrived home and we all went to bed early last night.

I was surprised, upon waking this morning, to find 6 Happy New Year messages via text and WhatsApp (I am not on any other SM). Those were in addition to some other very finely judged messages of support. All the generic messages came from people who knew of the death of our daughter and 3 of them were from really close friends who had been particularly supportive.

I am sure that the messages were sent out to lots of people and I was not specifically chosen. But if you had a very close friend who had lost a child recently, would you take some care not to send a message like that?

I recognise I am hugely emotional and might well be unreasonable to be surprised and a bit upset about this.

I am not going to say anything to these people about it and I shall carry on with them as before. I did find it a bit crass though and slightly upsetting to wake this morning to those messages.

I don’t mind being told I am unreasonable. But please be kind. I am very fragile at the moment.

You are really not unreasonable at all.
I can only presume they had been drinking and didn’t think, or maybe just sent to all in their phone but still inexcusable and thoughtless.
I am so sorry for your loss.

I think they probably wanted to let you know that you are in their thoughts going into the new year, I think it’s quite lovely tbh. I think your grief might be clouding your judgement honestly. I’m really really sorry for your loss x

I'm sorry you lost your daughter, but YABU. They can't be expected to tiptoe around you, and they reached out with a generic message sent this time of year. Your feelings aren't because they messaged, it's because you are still grieving. It's not their fault.

So sorry about your daughter op. Being as kind as possible I think this might be an overreaction on this specific occasion and they are just trying to include you.

Unless they have been unsupportive in the past I don't think their intentions are bad here. It must be an awful time for you though and easy to slip into negative thoughts. Wishing you the best op.

It’s not what I’d have done, no.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I am terribly sorry about your loss. The grief must be insurmountable.

If it's any consolation I believe there is an option to send bulk messages to all of your contacts (in WhatsApp at least I believe) so I would assume you were just part of that?

I'm sure it was an innocent mistake but I'm very sorry it's made the New Year even more difficult.

I hope you find a way to navigate 2026, by whatever means necessary ❤️

not unreasonable at all. You are quite right that it shows complete lack of thought and insight. I’m glad you got some messages that were more supported.
so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. X

First of all im very sorry for your loss thats just heartbreaking
I can only think they sent a Happy new year message to all their contacts in their phone without much thought
Its extremely thoughtless of them.

That would really upset me. I would reply and say I appreciate you didn’t mean to be insensitive, but this is anything but a happy new year. After a very close family member died I got happy 40th messages 3 days later. I told them straight this was not a happy birthday. Think!!!

I might say I was thinking of the person, but definitely not HNY

So sorry for your loss

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't have sent a generic message in those circumstances and YANBU to find it thoughtless. But perhaps those that did considered it and were mindful of the distress they might cause by alluding to what you've been through on an occasion you might not have wanted it to be mentioned.

I would try to remember they have meant well by sending you good wishes. I wish for you and your family that you find reasons to smile in 2026 despite your recent tragedy. L
All the best.

YANBU. How upsetting for you. I'm so sorry about your daughter.

Not everyone has the skill to compose a finely judged message of support. I think a simple happy new year was better than avoiding you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry about your daughter and I think it’s exceptionally thoughtless to wed happy new year messages to you even if it was a generic message.

I am so very sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine the pain you and your family must be going through.
I can see how this would feel insensitive and even preposterous that this could be a good year given what you have been through.
I imagine the senders did not want to leave you out of the well wishes and so sent to you, but should probably have put some more thought and tact into their messages.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

It was inconsiderate of your friends. I can only think that they “sent to all” in a drunken moment of aberration.

Sending unMumsnetty hugs.

I would very sincerely wish someone had a better new year if something bad happened last year. To me there's nothing wrong with saying happy new year or happy Christmas to anyone. Even if they are bereaved or something bad happened. But everyone is different.

I'm so sorry for your loss and you're not wrong to feel upset. But I don't think your friends meant it insensitively.

Wow! That’s very thoughtless! Are they ‘good’ friends? You’re right to be pissed at them. You’re very restrained to have not sent a ‘wtf’ text back.

Very sorry for your loss.

It is thoughtless. I’d also be upset. So sorry for your loss OP, would you like to tell us about her?

I got several “group” messages last night - obviously sent to all contacts. They just haven’t edited the list to exclude you, if they even could.

I hear you

My father is dying, with days to live. Friends who know this still sent Happy New Year memes

I know they do care, but it's thoughtless

Sorry about your daughter. That's very sad indeed

I think (hopefully anyway) that they simply sent a generic mesaage to everyon in their contacts?
Thiughtless yes ..id be really upset too.
However maybe they also were trying ti keep some normality if thats even possible, at a time of horrific pain.
You are grieving😭and im sure maybe some wont know what to say. So sorry x

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I understand why you’re feeling hurt by these messages. I avoided sending a message to a friend whose sister is close to dying - I haven’t seen her in weeks as she finds it difficult to be around other people just now. She actually messaged me first to say merry Christmas and happy new year. Whilst a good friend I was unsure how to let her know she was in my thoughts without using language like merry Christmas and happy new year. I agree with others that your friends no doubt wanted to extend warm feelings and didn’t really choose the right words to express this. I hope you can find love in your partner and in life and I’m sorry you have lost someone so special so young.

Oh God yes. I had this the same year my son died. A colleague sent me an email wishing me a joyous Christmas.

Some people didn't contact me at all. I guess they didn't know what to say.
A small number of friends sent kind, heartfelt messages.
You find out who your friends are.
I am so, so sorry you lost your precious child. It is the worst pain in the world.

I would be inclined to message back wtf.

Exactly! I got one from a builder we had in to do a job in October. I’m very sorry for your loss, OP, but I think this was a ‘send to all WhatsApp contacts’ message, not a calculated moment of insensitivity.