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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I Unreasonable To Be Surprised That 6 Friends Sent Me Happy New Year Messages Even Though My Daughter Has Just Died

453 replies

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 01/01/2026 11:27

My beloved daughter died, totally unexpectedly, aged 24, on 29 October.

We are demented with grief over the loss of her.

DH and I and our other 2 younger children went to Morocco over Christmas to escape the UK. We arrived home and we all went to bed early last night.

I was surprised, upon waking this morning, to find 6 Happy New Year messages via text and WhatsApp (I am not on any other SM). Those were in addition to some other very finely judged messages of support. All the generic messages came from people who knew of the death of our daughter and 3 of them were from really close friends who had been particularly supportive.

I am sure that the messages were sent out to lots of people and I was not specifically chosen. But if you had a very close friend who had lost a child recently, would you take some care not to send a message like that?

I recognise I am hugely emotional and might well be unreasonable to be surprised and a bit upset about this.

I am not going to say anything to these people about it and I shall carry on with them as before. I did find it a bit crass though and slightly upsetting to wake this morning to those messages.

I don’t mind being told I am unreasonable. But please be kind. I am very fragile at the moment.

OP posts:
AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 07/01/2026 15:01

Alwaysalert · 07/01/2026 04:03

And you are comparing an in law to her child who OP gave birth to and nurtured for much of her life. Do not offer any more of your "advice", it isn't helpful and is cold and totally inappropriate.

Wtf are you talking about? No I'm not.

Alwaysalert · 07/01/2026 18:37

Lotsnlotsoflove · 07/01/2026 11:03

Do you know what apathetic means?

Yes I do and you think that it is just about self interest or self concern, well no it means towards others as well and you have zero concern for others so stop saying such insensitive statements to OP, totally heartless.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 07/01/2026 18:44

This reply has been deleted

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