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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn parents about teenage GF

294 replies

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

OP posts:
Thelondonone · 30/12/2025 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

Wintertime2025 · 30/12/2025 23:02

If it’s an old friend of your sons and you know the parents 100% I would. I would be very surprised if this is a one off incident. I think your DS should definitely talk with his friend.

Sounds like your DS has had a tough year. Wishing him a great 2026.

newornotnew · 30/12/2025 23:05

Focus on your DD. Does she want to report to the police? Is she ok?

converseandjeans · 30/12/2025 23:05

She sounds like a nightmare. I wouldn’t usually say to get involved but her behaviour was pretty extreme & she could well end up assaulting your son’s friend. I feel sorry for DS having his party ruined.

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 23:06

I would be letting the parents know and reporting it to the police.

Homegrownberries · 30/12/2025 23:06

I don't think it would go well. People tend to shoot the messenger.

I'd be inclined to say something vague so that they can ask their own questions of their son about what happened.

TreeByLeaf · 30/12/2025 23:06

I would want to know so that I could support my son.

ResusciAnnie · 30/12/2025 23:07

Thelondonone · 30/12/2025 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

Bizarre response. Someone’s daughter getting slapped is definitely that person’s ’news to share’.

AmberFawn · 30/12/2025 23:10

I think she an adult and you should be reporting it to the police. They’re not 8 year olds, an adult woman has just assaulted your DD in front of you.

saraclara · 30/12/2025 23:10

If you're friends with his parents, I think it'd be reasonably normal and natural to give them a call and say 'wtf is it with Adam's girlfriend?'. It'd almost be odd not to.

If you don't know them well, it's a bit more nuanced.

NotnowNanette · 30/12/2025 23:11

I’d be reporting her to the police & telling your friend. It’s pretty ballsy slapping someone in their own house in front of a room full of people - wonder what she’s like in private..

PrincessOfPreschool · 30/12/2025 23:12

Thelondonone · 30/12/2025 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

How will they find out? Their DS is unlikely to tell them.

OP, I'm not sure telling them will help, just worry them. At 18 he will not be listening to his parents' opinion of his girlfriend. No doubt, they have probably experienced some dodgy behaviour already if she can behave like that in front of strange adults.

fashionqueen0123 · 30/12/2025 23:14

As you know them I would yes. I don’t see why it needs to be kept a secret.

RightOnTheEdge · 30/12/2025 23:14

I think she needs reporting to the police not her boyfriends parents.
They are not in primary school anymore they are adults. She assaulted your daughter in your house in front of you!

SunMoonandChocolate · 30/12/2025 23:15

Your daughter has been physically assaulted in her own home, call the police and report her. People like this need to be taught a lesson OP.

MySilentLions · 30/12/2025 23:15

I’d report her to the police for assault and Yes! please tell the parents! Men can suffer from domestic violence too and she sounds unhinged. They need to support him to end this relationship PDQ.

TheUsualChaos · 30/12/2025 23:15

Yes I think perfectly justified to tell his parents what happened in your own home. In their shoes, I'd want to know something like that. Hopefully she will soon be an ex Gf anyway. I wonder if she'd taken something, bizarre behaviour.

avignon1234 · 30/12/2025 23:16

Listen to DD and DS. Let them guide you. Not a nice thing to happen, but you may make things worse by "getting involved". HTH x

BauhausOfEliott · 30/12/2025 23:18

You haven’t witnessed her do anything to her boyfriend, though.

What do you expect the boyfriend’s parents to do, really? They can’t ban their son from seeing her; he’s an adult. And ‘We saw your son’s girlfriend slap our daughter’ isn’t really their problem. It’s between your daughter and the girl, not between the girl and her boyfriend - and it’s even less about the girl and her boyfriend’s parents.

If you witnessed a young man shove another boy his age in a bit of a drunken scuffle outside a pub, I don’t think you’d assume he must be beating up his girlfriend. I think you need to support your daughter in whatever she wants to do in response to being attacked. But the girl’s behaviour beyond that incident is entirely unknown to you and you don’t have any grounds to start interfering in your son’s friend’s relationships or to involve his parents.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/12/2025 23:19

She needs to be reported, she's 18, she assaulted your DD, time for madame to learn adult consequences.
I wouldn't say anything to your friends until you've resolved this through the right avenues.

Arlanymor · 30/12/2025 23:19

What does your daughter want you to do?

Sohelpmegod25 · 30/12/2025 23:19

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 23:06

I would be letting the parents know and reporting it to the police.

Excellent advice
why you didn’t call the police last night I don’t know that would be the first thing I did!

Original poster
Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 23:24

Sohelpmegod25 · 30/12/2025 23:19

Excellent advice
why you didn’t call the police last night I don’t know that would be the first thing I did!

Show quote history

Our DD is 19, she’s an adult and decided she didn’t want to call the police.

OP posts:
GeneralPeter · 30/12/2025 23:25

BauhausOfEliott · 30/12/2025 23:18

You haven’t witnessed her do anything to her boyfriend, though.

What do you expect the boyfriend’s parents to do, really? They can’t ban their son from seeing her; he’s an adult. And ‘We saw your son’s girlfriend slap our daughter’ isn’t really their problem. It’s between your daughter and the girl, not between the girl and her boyfriend - and it’s even less about the girl and her boyfriend’s parents.

If you witnessed a young man shove another boy his age in a bit of a drunken scuffle outside a pub, I don’t think you’d assume he must be beating up his girlfriend. I think you need to support your daughter in whatever she wants to do in response to being attacked. But the girl’s behaviour beyond that incident is entirely unknown to you and you don’t have any grounds to start interfering in your son’s friend’s relationships or to involve his parents.

The fact you have had to change the scenario to make the fictional man’s actions seem OK says something though.

This wasn’t a drunken scuffle outside a pub.

If it were the man who had slapped the daughter in that same party scenario, would you worry for his girlfriend? I would.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 30/12/2025 23:30

I would. Frame it as ' just so you're aware we had to ask oldest friend to leave the party, it wasn't anything he had done but his girlfriend was really rude and hit DD when asked to stop so we asked her to leave. We made sure he knows he is welcome back without her but just in case It comes up'

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