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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn parents about teenage GF

294 replies

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 31/12/2025 02:35

Definitely tell his parents, not because they can do anything about the attack gf but so they can protect their son. She might be on drugs or of a violent disposition: either way they need to know. In turn maybe they can tell you what if anything they know about her, just in case their paths should cross again.

pepperminticecream · 31/12/2025 02:40

JustCabbaggeLooking · 31/12/2025 01:18

I suspect there's another side to this story.

Would you say the same if a man had slapped the DD?

Kimura · 31/12/2025 02:56

It's tough...if you're doing it to 'warn' his parents and they hit the roof and decide they don't want her in their house, it's got the potential to cause a lot of trouble.

But the parents are your friends and you socialize with them, so it's not unreasonable that you'd mention it to them in that context.

How close are you? If you didn't tell them and they found out later, would that make things weird.

Personally I'd find a way to drop it into a conversation rather that making a big deal of it. Although personally I'd have smacked the taste out of her mouth the second she assaulted a member of my family.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2025 04:09

SunMoonandChocolate · 30/12/2025 23:51

OP, please talk your daughter into reporting this assault. She may prefer not to, but for all you, and she know, this girl could make a habit of behaving like this, and if it's all swept under the carpet, how many other people will have to suffer an assault before someone reports it.

I was assaulted at a club as a teenager, by two girls because one of them thought I'd 'stolen' her boyfriend. I was sitting down when it happened, so in no position to protect myself. When my Dad collected me, and saw me with a split, and rapidly swelling lip, he took me home, and immediately called the police. The girls were prosecuted for ABH (Actual Bodily Harm). I was horrified that my parents reported it, as I could imagine the girls coming after me again, but having seen how scared they were when standing in front of the Magistrates, having to face up to what they'd done, it gave me the courage to continue going out, as I knew that if they attacked me again, they'd be in serious trouble. Girls like this need to know that it is NOT alright!

I think this is very good advice. At 19, your dd is still very young and could do with some guidance. As for the parents, yes I absolutely would. I have a soon to be 18 yo and would want to know this about anyone she was associating with - boyfriend or friend. That shouldn’t change things because this is a young woman being violent.

Springtimehere · 31/12/2025 04:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Fuckitydoodah · 31/12/2025 04:21

If you know the parents, then yes, I would definitely tell them. I wouldn't be surprised if they already have concerns over the relationship.

I'd want to know if it was one of my sons.

So often on here the advice is to mind your own business, but I often think it's terrible advice. In this instance they may well legally be adults, but 18 is still young and needing parental guidance imo.

Blizzardofleaves · 31/12/2025 04:29

I would want to know op. Just so I have the opportunity to sit down and talk things through with my dc and check they are safe.

TennisLady · 31/12/2025 04:36

Of course you mention it to them if they’re your friends. It’s be weird to not mention such a shocking event with their son involved if you’re all long time friends.

TappyGilmore · 31/12/2025 04:38

YABU. It just sounds like nasty gossiping. If you knew her parents, then fair enough to speak to them about what happened, but not to go to the BF's parents. And it might not actually be taken very well by them; they might like her very much and think "well that's your side of the story, we haven't heard hers", they might think that you are blaming them (given it was their son that brought her to the party) etc.

She sounds completely unhinged and I don't see why you wouldn't report to the police if your DD wanted to, but don't go gossiping.

Dgll · 31/12/2025 04:45

It is pretty weird behaviour. She was probably drunk or on something. If I knew the parents well I would speak to them about it.

sesquipedalian · 31/12/2025 04:46

OP, was this girl drunk or on drugs? People don’t normally behave like this - the fact that she was being rude and talking when asked reasonably not to, and then lashed out at your DD like this sounds as though she was not entirely in her right mind. Have you asked your son what she’s like? If his best friend and this girl are “joined at the hip”, your DS must have some idea of what this girlfriend is normally like, or whether this was totally out of character. I do hope this nasty incident didn’t ruin your DS’s birthday party, and I feel very sorry for your DD. I’m not surprised the BF was mortified, and I would hope there would be some sort of apology forthcoming from the girlfriend. If these people are all over 18, I would speak to your son’s best friend about it, and point out the seriousness of the situation. You know his parents - what sort of reaction are you likely to get if you tell them? What do your DC think you should do?

lilybloomtoo · 31/12/2025 05:06

Definitely tell them

Its strange not to

Original poster
Stayoutofitorno · 31/12/2025 05:26

Thanks for all the responses. Some general answers:

  • DD doesn’t want to report to the police so we’re not doing that. She’s very resilient and it hasn’t put her off going out for NYE so I think she’s fine.
  • Can’t believe people suggesting I should have ’taught her a lesson’. We don’t do violence in our family, under any circumstances.
  • DH and I are going to wait to see if his parents reach out to us. We are pretty sure they will if they are told what happened. If they don’t we’ll let them know so they have a heads up about what she’s like. They’re very level headed people, as are we I like to think, there will be no drama out of this.
  • She was tipsy but not overly so. No sign of drugs. She was trying to claim that she hadn’t drunk anything all night (while clutching a can of cider lol).
OP posts:
pollyglot · 31/12/2025 05:29

Thelondonone · Yesterday 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

But it IS the OP's news to share. She was hosting the event under her roof, and her daughter was assaulted in their own home. That makes OP the major player, and with every entitlement to evict the stupid little cow. AND to comment to other interested parties.

Hellolola · 31/12/2025 05:30

I mean technically what she’s done is assault and can result in criminal charges
So sorry about your son’s party.

Muffinmam · 31/12/2025 05:36

You need to make sure your daughter files assault charges with the Police.

I would tell the parents that they raised an absolutely disgusting human being and they should be ashamed.

It could be less of a personality issue and more of a mental health issue - which still means you should press charges and tell her parents.

HomeTheatreSystem · 31/12/2025 05:36

We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together.

So why not say something to them? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you not want to be told? Yes, they're 18, but they are also young adults still dependent on their parents for support. If the gf had been off her trolley on drink then you could reasonably put it down to that but it feels like something is very off with her and I'd want to know about this incident if it were my son's gf.

Original poster
Stayoutofitorno · 31/12/2025 05:41

We’re not talking to the girl’s parents because we don’t know her, or them. We like the boy’s parents and feel they have a right to be warned that the gf is volatile. I’d want to know if it was DS. But still adjusting to him being an adult, so it was useful to get opinions.

OP posts:
Mincepiefan · 31/12/2025 05:47

If you were my friend and didn't tell me straight away I would be very upset to find out from someone else. You should definitely tell them out of concern for DS's friend.

GaIadriel · 31/12/2025 05:51

BauhausOfEliott · 30/12/2025 23:18

You haven’t witnessed her do anything to her boyfriend, though.

What do you expect the boyfriend’s parents to do, really? They can’t ban their son from seeing her; he’s an adult. And ‘We saw your son’s girlfriend slap our daughter’ isn’t really their problem. It’s between your daughter and the girl, not between the girl and her boyfriend - and it’s even less about the girl and her boyfriend’s parents.

If you witnessed a young man shove another boy his age in a bit of a drunken scuffle outside a pub, I don’t think you’d assume he must be beating up his girlfriend. I think you need to support your daughter in whatever she wants to do in response to being attacked. But the girl’s behaviour beyond that incident is entirely unknown to you and you don’t have any grounds to start interfering in your son’s friend’s relationships or to involve his parents.

Bet you wouldn't be saying this if the boy had hit the daughter.

Allaboutthecats · 31/12/2025 05:54

Of course you should tell them. This is very unusual and volatile behaviour. The parents need to be aware so they can protect their son, themselves and other family members.

ittakes2 · 31/12/2025 06:00

Wintertime2025 · 30/12/2025 23:02

If it’s an old friend of your sons and you know the parents 100% I would. I would be very surprised if this is a one off incident. I think your DS should definitely talk with his friend.

Sounds like your DS has had a tough year. Wishing him a great 2026.

This

SardinesOnGingerbread · 31/12/2025 06:11

JustCabbaggeLooking · 31/12/2025 01:18

I suspect there's another side to this story.

I was commenting on this post but decided that the PP is clearly much more used to using violence than I, so I'll opt out.

bumphousebump · 31/12/2025 06:34

I’d want to know if I was the boy’s parent. I’d be concerned if he hadn’t told me and concerned that a friend hadn’t told me what had happened.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 31/12/2025 06:44

Its not a secret s it happened in front of others so if I were the friends parent and found out, I'd be surprised that you hadn't mentioned it to me.

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